Monday, May 28, 2012

I AM NOT ENOUGH

It is Pentecost Monday in Germany. The sun is shining and I have already been up for hours, read, cleaned, eaten breakfast, walked Ebenezer, and checked both facebook and my blog. Today I read about one of the families I have known since they were married. Actually, I have known the man since he was in elementary school. He is about the same age as my oldest son.

He and his wife are missionaries in South America. I am often thankful for knowing these two. But no time so much as now.

This couple has three children. They are great parents. But they have been thinking about adopting a child with some sort of handicap, a child that might not be able to find a home somewhere else due to a handicap.

They found a child / or should I say an orphanage found them. They investigated, prayed and even moved so far as asking for help from friends and family. But, upon last understanding they found out that the handicap might be more than physical. The child could have larger problems in the future, due to the mother's alcohol abuse.

The honesty with which my dear friends handled the situation made me glad to know them. The woman shared that she realized their family would not be the best for a child that needed structure, full-time supervision, etc. etc. etc. They are crushed at the reality that they cannot help this little girl that they have fallen in love with. They are dealing with the reality that they are NOT ENOUGH.

This situation has caught me off guard. It has caused me to walk around this morning doing my 'chores' with the stark reality of my job. This is my job. This is a snapshot of our jobs as missionaries. In fact, this is a snapshot of our jobs as ambassadors of Christ, yours (if you have surrendered your life to Christ and become a Christ follower) and mine.

We are people sharing the possibility of family to the lonely, sharing life to the dead.

But, we are not enough! I am not enough. I cannot be everything to everyone, and I am not supposed to be. I thankfully did not come on the field under the delusion that I would meet all the needs of all the people.

In fact, I had come to that reality many years ago. Unwanted divorce has the tendency to sober you on this one.

But, I have to admit - I would still like to be. I wish I could just make people choose Christ. I wish I could make people follow Him. I wish I could make people play nice, be nice, be caring, be loving, be available, be healed, be Christ-like. I would even like to make those that profess Christ to be Christ-like.

I can't. Only Christ can. Only the son of the Great Trinity has the powerful blood to make this happen.

So, I continue at the risk of being redundant.


Seek Him.
Choose Him.
If you have chosen Him, follow Him.

And I seek Him today, choose Him today, and follow Him today.

I do it ineptly - the only way a human can do it. But I do it.

Because He IS the I AM,
i am
your mutating missionary



and ebenezer

Friday, May 25, 2012

5:00 AM
Birds singing sublime praises to the God Who IS.


Questions: Where are we going today? You and me? You with me, God, You and me. Our togetherness in this little yellow nest is palpable. I sigh in the wonder of the symphony You prepared for me today. This symphony rising through the full-leaf trees covering this mountain, my mountain, in the Schwarzwald.

Yesterday was filled with expectation, apprehension, prayer, reading from the only map for Life I know, writing, reading, praying, stillness -then- silliness, friends, Ebenezer - Badseba, laughter, life decisions, drive to Freiburg Landratsamt, an attempt to secure my Visa, celebration in the moment, settled in the reality this securing a Visa thing in a foreign country is never without waiting.

And so begins my second term in this country - Germany. I told everyone that upon my return I would take 2 months off before getting back into the normal swing of things. I would take two months to swim in the language again, visit with those that I missed for those 14 months, and get some new perspective in my little yellow nest. I really didn't plan to be disconnected from the world because my internet wouldn't work for 2 months, but that is what happened. Interesting isn't it?

Now, I snuggle into my red prayer chair, sip a tea, meditate on the Word, write a few words of thought and prepare myself for the day.

Alicia Britt Chole, an incredible wordsmith, has me thinking about living in the shadows. Her book Anonymous addresses the years of Jesus' life that were not disclosed to the public. She takes a perspective that is thought provoking. She doesn't try to fabricate his life or make decisions outside of the 'known'. Instead she looks at the ending three years and asks, how did the years in the shadows prepare Jesus for ministry? How do our lives of anonymity prepare our worlds/lives in the present? Great thoughts, I highly recommend her books. In person, Alicia is funny, yet ethereal. A delightfully captivating woman. In her writing she is all of that along with competent and down to earth! I challenge you to read her books. Here is a taste of her writing and thought provoking ideas.

"Jesus' anonymous season had prepared him for this moment. The choices he made in the Jordan River are reflections of choices he had been making before the Jordan River. Something in surrendering to hiddenness strengthened Jesus to not make a name for himself, to not be his own PR person. Something in embracing that prolonged season of obscurity enabled him to appear to be less in order to be able to do more.
Hidden years, when heeded, empower a soul to patiently trust God with their press releases. All that waiting actually grants us the strength to wait a little longer and not rush God's plans for our lives."
Alicia Britt Chole Anonymous .

Now I return to my red prayer chair time... and evaporate into the symphony before me.

Blessings on your day...

your mutating missionary
and ebenezer