Wednesday, September 2, 2015

I've been busy lately.

Moved from Germany in November 2014. Married August 2015.

I'm moving my blog.
If you are interested return here in about one month and you will find the link.

New life - new phases - new mission - new world.

Because He IS the I AM, i am

your mutating missionary
Ebenezer, Bourbon + Ginger

Monday, February 16, 2015

Yeshua, Yehoshua - Lent begins in just a few days ... remembering

May peace be with you

Lent begins on Ash Wednesday, February 18, 2015.

What does that mean to me? I desire to prepare my heart for this Easter celebration. Wanting to embrace it in a way that I have never embraced it before. I seek this year to commit every morning of the 40 days in remembrances of His acts of love. I don't know what those remembrances will be, but I want to spend time remembering. Here are a few ideas that are roaming in my head right now:

  1. acts of love that are shown in His word
  2. acts of love that I have read about
  3. acts of love someone I know has experienced
  4. acts of love my family members have experienced
  5. acts of love I have experienced

This morning I quickly listed as many things as I could remember of things that prepare me for the Crucifixion from the Old Testament - not any verses, just things I remember - here are a few I listed:  (recognize that my memory is not what it used to be)

1.Adam and Eve being kicked out of Eden because of buying into the serpent's lie - And Christ will stomp on the serpent's head
2. Noah and the flood - the ark - the rainbow
3. Abraham and Isaac - the sacrifice
4. Moses - Exodus - the passover - the doorposts being covered with blood - Life instead of Death
5. Leviticus - the scapegoat - the sacrificial lamb - the law - all completed and fulfilled through Christ and the cross

 These are just a few I remembered.

What do you remember?

And remembering is what it is all about.

May this Lent season bring you closer to the One who IS. The great God, 3 in 1, the Trinity.

And may we thank:
Yehoshua Son of God
Yehoshua Son of Man
Yehoshua Servant of All
Yehoshua Savior of the World
shua: original name of Jesus --  Yeshua, Yehoshua and Yeshu in the Talmud

For His sacrifice upon the cross, I am eternally grateful.

Because He IS the I AM, i am
your mutating missionary of peace
&HoneyB + Ebenezer + Ginger + Bourbon

Go in Peace

Thursday, February 5, 2015

May Peace be with You

My Great Grandfather and Grandmother
What a Heritage They Left Behind

Quotes from one of my favorite authors.

Leo Tolstoy.

I've decided to share seven of them here with you. They have roamed around in my head for a couple of days. These quotes are interesting and thought provoking. I invite you to join me in thinking about them for more than a passing over. Take one and think about it for a day.

1 "There is no greatness where there is not simplicity, goodness, and
truth."    Leo Tolstoy

2 "Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself." Leo Tolstoy

3 "It is amazing how complete the delusion that beauty is goodness." Leo Tolstoy

4 "True life is lived when tiny changes occur." Leo Tolstoy

5 "Without knowing what I am and why I am here, life is impossible." Leo Tolstoy

6 "Boredom: the desire for desires." Leo Tolstoy

7 "Truth, like gold, is to be obtained not by its growth, but by washing away from it all that is not gold." Leo Tolstoy

May you find Peace this day

your mutating missionary in peace
&HoneyB + Ebenezer + Ginger + Bourbon

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Switzerland, I don't want to be nuetral anymore. Peace-filled, but not nuetral. Solid, but not in nuetral.

I'm in a learning curve again...

This was taken from the small village Saas Balen in Switzerland. I was there for a week in 2006.  The late afternoons were free - and I actually sat down and sketched!
Driving back to my flat with a dear seasoned missionary and her family, I recalled many of the events that propelled me down this road. This road of missions. And I was right where I was supposed to be... then!

I picked up many 'stones of remembrance' that day.
And God said: Remember.

I'm remembering. I want to Remember. But, I want more. I want to Remember and Share. Fun thing is - I've hesitated in sharing for over 30 years some of the things I desire to share now.

I have a dog named Ebenezer. His name means Stone of Help. I named him Ebenezer because I have a thing for stones, for rocks, for solid. And I needed one. A solid companion. Thus, I named my dog Ebenezer. A stone of help.

He delivers great joy and happiness.

I'm in process of much upheaval and change. These are changing times for everyone. We are in the midst of a changing culture. I am in the midst of a life-change. My friends are in the throes of a job-change. HoneyB is in the throes of a season change. And things are changing.

I am being called into a time of writing like never before. Why?

I have to stop using my voice for a while to prevent this disorder of my vocal chords to get any worse. I don't know how long that will be. Hopefully not too long. But if I don't heed this advice, I could truly lose my ability to verbally communicate - and that is obviously not something that would behoove anyone.

But Peace still resides in my spirit. My world is a bit topsy-turvey, but my spirit is calm. I'm enjoying this new adventure in a way. I'm being painted into a corner to stop and write. And writing is what I am doing.

I believe that through this writing a peace that has escaped me for a while will be found. So I enter into it with a little hesitation, lots of questions, not much planning, and both feet in... jump.

What will the genre be? What do I have to say? Can what I say make a difference? Do I want it to? Do I want to write for pleasure, or do I want to make a statement? Do I want to do both?

Following our passions allows us to find our purpose.
"We imagine that whatever is unpleasant is our duty! Is that anything like the spirit of our Lord --
"I delight to do Thy will, O My God." --- Oswald Chambers

Do you delight in something? Investigate it. 

I delight in writing. I find peace in writing. I will write.

more on this book later...

Your mutating missionary of peace
&HoneyB + Ebenezer + Ginger + Bourbon

Friday, January 30, 2015

Things I learned from Mr. Rogers and RoRoEbenezer

Peace be with you. 

"When I say it's you I like, I'm talking about that part of you that knows that life is far more than anything you can ever see or hear or touch. That deep part of you that allows you to stand for those things without which humankind cannot survive. Love that conquers hate, peace that rises triumphant over war, and justice that proves more powerful than greed."
Fred Rogers

"And peace,
The search for peace
The act of peace
The totality of peace
The conflict of peace and status quo
       the what is and cannot be different
              the questions
                      the life to be found
the pull, the draw, the finish
May you Open the door to find peace
      Within today."

Your mutating missionary of peace
& HoneyB + ebenezer + ginger + bourbon

Go in peace

Monday, January 26, 2015


“Look and see, for everyone is coming home! Your sons are coming from distant lands; your little daughters will be carried home. Your eye will shine and your heart will thrill with joy.”

I am taking this verse completely out of context. Telling you that is quite freeing. You see, I saw this sentence this morning in my reading and meditation and it struck me deeply. I sang with joy when I read these words. Is this text referring to me - who knows. But, I found it such a sweet thought and I held the words in my heart and repeated them until they became as worn leather: soft, warm, comfortable.

In studying and thinking over the word Abide for the last week, anything dealing with home has resonated in my spirit. Last week, while in Colorado, I perused a gift shop in Monument called the Love Shop. It was filled with all sorts of great items. I found a wall hanging with these words: Home is where your story begins.

I bought it. I will hang it in front of my desk in the little guest room I am staying in. Right now, I don’t have a home. Now, let me clarify. The furniture is being housed at HoneyB’s house, I am being housed in dear friend’s guest room. I am being loved, provided for and safe. I have a roof, food, and all that I need. And the best truth is, HoneyB is home to me.

However, a physical Abode escapes me at this moment. I just simply do not have it. In the midst of transition we often find ourselves in this place. We can even be in a house with all of our belongings, and an Abode still escapes us. I know this first hand. I have lived for months with all of my possessions surrounding me, yet still not owning the place I laid my head.

What creates that abode? An abode is more than a house, more than a building. An abode represents a place of abiding. One finds peace in an Abode. One finds a feeling of connection, settling, planting oneself. In this moment, these remain aloof.

In this search for peace I look for an abode. It might be months before it connects.

In this moment, I am staying with my children. I have been in Texas for a long 3 week visit. This visit is the first since I moved back to the states. It has been a delightful time. The first seven days I visited my youngest son, daughter-in-love and grandbabies.

I left after 7 days and flew to take care of the last strands of business for the mission I have been a part of the last 13 years. The stay and debriefing were 5 days long. At the end of that, I flew back to stay at my oldest son’s home and am getting to know my new daughter-in-love and grandbaby.

The entire time here in Texas has been delightful. I love spending time with family. This has been one of the most relaxing and delightful visits I have had. Perhaps it has something to do with the peace that comes from knowing I am not crossing an entire body of water when I leave in 5 more days. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that all of my children are in one location and enjoying them all together is not a huge shock, but an easy occurrence. Perhaps because I am right where I need to be in my spirit, I am receiving the Joy that is being lavished upon me.

My daughter and son-in-love are also transitioning, so I have not stayed with them overnight, but we have had some really special days and hours and hours of talking and visiting and loving on my youngest grandbaby.

We find our ultimate Abode in Christ. This is truth as well. However, I am watching as He, knowing I am worn and weary, is allowing me to have a yearning for a home, an Abode, that I can call my own. A place to write my story. A place where my story begins.

Do you have an abode? Do you desire one? That place that you settle into and feel comfortable, safe, and loved? Tell me, what does your abode look like, feel like, smell like?

Your mutating missionary seeking peace
&HoneyB + Ebenezer + Ginger + Bourbon

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Letter written to those thinking about missions and becoming missionaries

Peace be with you.

Letter written to those thinking about missions.
I don't know right now if congratulations is the word I would use. 
You are about to enter the hardest time in your life.

If you thought it was hard before - you are wrong - now it will be harder.

You will question your call,
you will question your motives,
you will question whether God can do it for you (not that He can do it - but will He for YOU?)
you will question why you weren't better prepared,
you will question why you have to learn another language (not to the people but to God),
you will question if you really want to be there and you will decide you don't - and then you will get on your knees and wail - because you will be so homesick- because you know that He wants you there and you will have to decide if you love Him more than anything else in the world, your life, or your future. You will think - "it was just getting ok at home - things were finally beginning to get a little easier - why, why, why am I here?" 

And then a little woman will come to your house for coffee and tell you that she knows why you came.

You came for her. And this little woman will smile at you and say - "I know God now."

And then you will cry and will ask God to forgive your stubbornness and your selfishness and your whining. You will thank Him for using you. And for a little while you will be ok.

And then - you will have to do something once more out of your comfort zone and you will sit in a beautiful place in a foreign land and think - "What in the h... am I doing here? I can't figure this language out, nobody really cares about me in this place, I want a Lime Dr Pepper from Sonic, if I have to go into one more McDonald's to get a back-home feeling I will barf...and you will cry and cry and cry.

A successful and loving missionary of 55 years retired recently here in Europe. (He is the reason I decided to change the commitment from short term missionary to long term...he challenged me with a private question in the very beginning).

He was asked by those who want to know, "To what do you attribute your success and longevity?"  In his most charming and calm way, he smiled and said, "I never went home. I stayed."

And you will hold on to those words until you don't.

Because suddenly in a matter of seconds you might hear, as I have: "Time to go."

And you will have to let those words of staying go.

You have set your sites on living in a foreign world for your entire life - and He will call you home. You will need to move away from the foreign land and return to a land that has become foreign. Because, you can never go back.

You will question again,

"Am I hearing You God?"

And deep in your gut you will know you are.

Then, you will find yourself not fitting in anywhere. 
You will find that no one is really interested in the adventure you have been on with God.
You will find that there are people that care for you and will be there for you when you are in this place of never-never-knowing-where-you-will-lay-your-head.

And you will know without question that the years that you gave were years that were meant to be given to that land, that people, that vision. And you will begin to uncover what the next steps will be.

And you will seek Peace. The peace that you must find for the future. You will carry the torch for peace and unity. You will seek it and yearn for it.

May we find peace.

your mutating missionary of peace
& HoneyB + Ebenezer + Gin + Bourbon

my time for now in a foreign land is over

Monday, January 19, 2015


I'm in a different time zone - If I was more computer savvy I would have this on a backup - it would automatically be posted at a certain time. But, I'm not.


Peace Be To You.

There is a sense of peace in the word Abide.

verb (used without object), abode or abided, abiding.
to remain; continue; stay:
Abide with me.
to have one's abode; dwell; reside:
to abide in a small Scottish village.
to continue in a particular condition, attitude, relationship, etc.; last.
verb (used with object), abode or abided, abiding.
to put up with; tolerate; stand:
I can't abide dishonesty!
to endure, sustain, or withstand without yielding or submitting:
to abide a vigorous onslaught.
to wait for; await:
to abide the coming of the Lord.
to accept without opposition or question:
to abide the verdict of the judges.
to pay the price or penalty of; suffer for.
Verb phrases
abide by,
  1. to act in accord with.
  2. to submit to; agree to:
    to abide by the court's decision.
  3. to remain steadfast or faithful to; keep:
    If you make a promise, abide by it.
John 15:4 and Jesus says:
Abide in me and I in you. 
Meditating on these words this morning.
your mutating missionary of peace
& HoneyB + Ebenezer + Ginger + Bourbon 

Friday, January 9, 2015

Blogs about peace - Mondays and Thursdays.

Thursday, January 8, 2015

Can we find peace in disappointment?

Peace be unto you.

Honored - I feel honored.

Jeff Goins’ new book The Art of Work / A proven path to discovering what you were meant to do

was delivered to my door on Tuesday and I get the pleasure of reading it, finding nuggets to share, giving honest feedback, and posting about it on all sorts of places. It will be out to the public soon.

The book comes into my hands at a particularly good time. The reality of the disease I have been diagnosed with is bit overwhelming.

Do I have to stop living? NO. This book is all about that. It is about finding out what you should do when all you have planned to do isn’t working out. It is about looking back on your life and listening. Where should you go next? It is about being Observant and Active... There is more.

I am a big proponent of dreams, passion seeking, living for a purpose. After reading one half of the book I am encouraged. Me, the one that is a bit on the down-side of life and searching for peace.

Hope comes in spurts. But peace? I believe without a doubt that peace is a by-product of living a life leaning into the problems, not running from them. Many times life has handed me a bite of sour grapes - sometimes they have been self-instigated, sometimes they have simply happened. Peace can reign over all the frustration and disappointment.

Amazingly enough Peace can reign over a person that is falling apart, in tears, in a recliner, after reading an attempt at someone’s encouraging email that just falls flat in its encouragement. As I did just this morning.

The Art of Work is about just this type of peace. It is giving some helpful ideas on how to move from the disappointment into the purpose. I'm only half-way through the book and ideas are popping. I have no idea if any will work out - but at this moment, I am encouraged.

I am really thankful to be on the Launch Team of this book.


your mutating missionary of peace
with HoneyB & Ebenezer+Gin+Bourbon

“Do what is good and run from evil so that you may live! Then the Lord God of Heaven’s Armies will be your helper, just as you have claimed. Hate evil and love what is good; turn your courts into true halls of justice. Perhaps even yet the Lord God of Heaven’s Armies will have mercy on the remnant of his people.” Amos 5:14-15 NLT

Go in peace.

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Polly Anna -s Pick a Fight!

Peace be with you.

(this is where you say: "And to you." - silently if you want to :-)

The temperature: -8 grad and 18F. A bit chilly. Roads are really bad.  HoneyB had a difficult time on his 5:30 drive into work this morning.

He texted when he arrived. Accidents, traffic jams - a mess!

Driving was slow and arduous, I am sure. This will be an exhausting day. I am thrown into dis-peace at this news. I pray for his safety.

In listening to my homework yesterday, Jeff Goins (our Tribe Leader for my writing group, Tribewriters) commented, if you want to be heard you must say something to be listened to. You might have to pick a fight.

He made it clear that you don’t necessarily have to pick a fight with a person, but perhaps with a belief system.

I thought about that statement most of the day yesterday.

I want to write about peace. I want to find peace. I want to live into peace. Peace finding/seeking doesn’t lend itself well to picking a fight!

But at the end of the day I concluded my topic of Peace Seeking does fit in well with picking a fight with a worldview.

We have a worldview of Peace Seekers. We put them in this box of wimpy, sniffling, and even Pollyanna - ish! How many times have I been given the label: Passive Aggressive? But am I?

Yes, unfortunately distinctions have not been clear. This term "passive aggressive" replaced "PollyAnna." And yet the motive is different and people clump all together. (I digress! A topic for another time.)

Peace Seekers are far from passive aggressive.

True Polly Anna's are far from passive aggressive. The peace seekers over history have been the leaders of social change.

The heart-loved and powerful speech: “I have a dream!” from Martin Luther King, Jr came about because of a conflict. From 1955 with the Montgomery Bus Boycott to the 1963 March on Washington, Dr King lead his fight for Civil Rights with PEACE.

Dr. King wrote a speech never heard, one I am sure he practiced and planned well to be delivered at the 1963 March on Washington. However, passion took over and he never delivered that speech. Instead, he picked a fight in peace!

Standing at the podium among thousands of protestors, Dr King lifted his voice among the crowds. He began to speak. After a few sentences a voice is heard. Standing behind him was Mahalia Jackson, powerful American Gospel singer, who shouted, “Tell them about the dream!”

Dr King stopped in his speaking. He pushed back the prepared pages, took hold of the podium, reached up from someplace within his guts, and spoke from a heart that had pondered and prayed over Hatred, War, Slander, Evil --- dis-peace!

In that split second something took over that was beyond Dr King. Something drove him to use his words to display what we all know as the great riveting, motivating, powerful, ageless, peace-filled “I Have A Dream!” speech of the centuries. Seventeen minutes that changed the face of history.

I come from a long line of peaceful protestors. Centuries of them. I take on this challenge from Jeff. I will go against the grain. I will swim upstream. I will seek peace within my soul, and my life, and my world. I will battle this new thought that one must be hard to be heard.

I will hold on to the hem of the One who said:

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27 NLT

your mutating peace seeker
with HoneyB & Ebenezer+Gin+Bourbon

Go in peace.

Monday, January 5, 2015

Peace be with you.

What time do you rise in the morning?

I’ve been reading a lot about waking up early this year. A challenge has been popping up all over the sites I frequent on the internet.

I belong to an internet writer’s group and the topic has come up there. A young woman that I’ve known since she was born shared a blog she read with her Face Book friends. It was a topic of discussion with a friend from Texas.

I myself began waking early in my 30’s. To this day I find great comfort in an early morning.

Of course, I woke early in my 20’s as well, but for a different reason. I woke early during that time because I had young children, and we all know children require attention as soon as they pop their eyes open!

Somewhere along the line with a younger generation waking early got a bad rap.

I remember as a young child my German Grandfather always being up before dawn.

Getting to sleep with Grandma and Grandpa was made out to be a big deal on vacations. Of course, now I realize they were just trying to figure out where to lay one more head!

Wedged in between my Grandma and Grandpa in the double-sized bed, I recall my Grandpa getting out of bed, sliding into his slippers and tiptoeing into the bathroom connected to the bedroom. Slipping out of bed behind him I would catch glimpses of this bigger than life character. He stood beside the white footed tub, lifted his shaving cream brush from the foam he had just lathered up in the cup, rub the brush in round motions on his face (leaving a foamy white beard that always made me giggle) and take his single blade razor to his whiskers. He stood there in his tank top T-shirt, his boxer drawers, and his woolen socks and warm slippers - the steam from the hot sink engulfed him. Then, he would wrap this big terry robe around his wide girth and head for the closet to dress and prepare for the day leaving me behind, sitting on the wooden lid of the toilet watching and talking. His soap lathered scent wafted through the morning air and I embraced it within my heart.

Following him around was my job. When he finally settled into his desk chair he would begin his figuring and I knew it was time to get quiet. He gave me a pen and paper and I joined him. He wrote every morning. I don’t really know what he wrote. I don’t know if he only did finances or if he wrote in a log or journal. I only know he wrote every morning. My Grandfather was a successful wheat farmer and business man. My Grandfather was a gruff piece of fluff and tenderness.

Soon, the kitchen called us for breakfast where Grandma stood in her faded cotton dress with a white collar and embroidered apron. Her hair was wrapped loosely in chignon type bun leaving grey tendrils escaping in a charming madness around that round cheery dimpled face. She pulled flour covered hands from the large bone colored crock bowl. The flour would fly in the breaking sunlight. Plopping the dough into the bread tins and covering the tins with a dish towel, Grandma settled with the rest of us (always sitting last) onto the bench at the table. The pouched eggs neatly in their cups sitting on each plate signaled to us all, time to eat breakfast.

My Grandma and Grandpa were German Mennonite. My Grandma more forthcoming about this than my Grandpa. Morning rituals ran steady in my Grandparents Kansas home that sat beside miles of wheat and a wonderful lush meadow of alfalfa. I treasured my Kansas visits. And rising early was engrained into my consciousness. Rising early signified PEACE to me. Why peace?

Living a peripatetic life does not ingrain ritual. I’ve lived a peripatetic life. Living a peripatetic life ingrains flexibility. Not a negative.

As I age, I crave ritual. I crave the methodical. Not in all things, but in the mundane.

Harkening back to past experiences I want to remember: where did I find and feel peace? I remember this snippet. Grandpa got up early.

Is there someone in your life that left you with a peace remembrance? I encourage you to remember that today. Question why you felt the peace. Write down a few reasons it might have been peaceful. Would you like to take some of those tactics and implement into your own life? Just start one. Just one thing. See if it might not be a domino effect.

mutating peace seeker
and HoneyB + Ebenezer, Gin, and Bourbon

Go in peace

Sunday, January 4, 2015

Glorious day hidden under the doldrums

Peace be to you this morning.

It's Sunday. Do You love Sundays as much as I do?
Glorious Day

This morning is cold and rainy. I'm missing the snow in Germany. The girls I've mentored for years have been sending me pictures of the mountains, the slopes, the heavy yet fluffy whiteness of the newly lain flakes upon flakes and tufts of purity.

Last year's winter was warm and snow didn't come to my little Yellow Nest in the Black Forest. So, fighting a bit of jealousy this morning, I slip into a bit of the doldrums. Legs go over the bed and a body that aches a bit more than it used to creeps into the writing chair. The house is dark and the rooms are quiet.

I'm living with friends right now. Blessed friends that are allowing me to find a niche to call my own. I get to know my HoneyB better and better ever day and I question how best to love this man.

We are not young anymore, the HoneyB and me. We are full of life, but not young. It takes us longer to do things than it did even ten years ago. Repainting rooms seems like a huge endeavor. Right now, we are prepping his house to be sold. It has been a continual draining on him for almost two years. He was on this path before we met. Losing his wife to cancer and living in a big house was not his idea of 'happy!' He knew it was best to sell, but oh the work that must go into it.

I'm not much help because of my health issues, I simply go in and give it the ole' college try. He is a trooper. Once set upon a job, he is dogged about seeing it through. One of the reasons I love him so.

We head for church this morning. He will come and pick me up and we will travel the road together. It is always a joy to walk into a building with this man. I have been without a 'we' for so long.

Couples going to church is a joy. Couples with children popping around them as they climb the church steps, open the heavy doors, slip into the lines of chairs - this is peace. Think about it.

A group of people from all walks of life. Me and my HoneyB, older in life, but newly loving, newly knowing, newly walking into relationship. A woman in her 80's smiling, grasping my hand and whispering in my ear as I bend to hug her, "Good to have you here this morning." A band tuning their instruments. A group of singers off to the side, bending their heads to lift the time up in prayer.

We have all come together for one purpose. To join our hearts in worship. All over the world on this day, this one day of the week groups of people are joining together in their hearts, if not in their bodies, to worship. I value the gathering of the saints. I am not legal about it. I don't make it in the doors every Sunday. But when I do, there is a peace in it.

Of course, I can focus on the gossip, I can focus on the fallen people that join me, I can focus on the sermon and pick it apart for errors, or boredom, or just not up to snuff today comments. Or, I can revel in the amazing fact that we are all in this together.
We are all fallen creatures, looking for a better life, looking for answers on how to live it.

And what do we find there? That the better life is only had when we lay it all down and praise God. How we praise God is personal, could be controversial, doesn't have to look like any way but our own. But we do find peace when we praise Him.

Germany church is already finished with the sermon, their lunch at Bombastic, and beginning either a walk in the fields or a nap on freshly aired linens. No jobs are being done, because one doesn't work AT ALL on Sunday.

Here I sip a coffee, finish this blogging, and prepare to enter a peace with HoneyB who selflessly drives, with a 7/11 coffee bought just for me, to pick me up and take me to this body of faith-walkers he has come to call friends.

I have had a life filled with not so good things, wonderful things, and even wondrous miracles. This day goes in the books as one to be looked forward to in the wonderful batch.

a mutating missionary
with HoneyB, ebenezer, gin, and bourbon

Saturday, January 3, 2015

Peace be to you this morning. (this is where you say back to me, out loud if you prefer)
And unto you.

Human effort. I’m tired of human effort. I need a transfusion of something beyond myself.

Entering meditation this morning brought me to this realization. Of course, right on the heals of this thought comes the quick response I tell, and have told myself, for years: Take Courage! Do not be afraid! -- and then I resort to a ‘Joshua moment’ and move on.

We say them often to ourselves, don’t we? Take Courage, Be Brave...

You can DO this!

Just DO IT!


Work, play, read, write, run, walk, clean, eat, relate, smile, laugh, GO! Step by step into a world that we have no guarantee will be there tomorrow.

I don’t want to take courage, slap a happy face on, and move forward without authenticity. Now, don’t get me wrong. I do want to take courage, I do want to move forward, I even want to smile. BUT, in an authentic - God is here - I am not alone - way.

I did that in my 20's. I refuse to do that in my present - I'm in my 50's I want real. I want real peace, real  courage, real LIFE!

I have experienced this REAL before for years and years. I lost it somewhere in the hubbub of life's chaos and the quandary of circumstances. I’m regaining it.

I am not a baby in Christ. I know the drill. You have your own drill that you have been taught in your own experiences of growing in God. I have mine, I can teach them, and I can even live them. Guess what, I want more.

What blows me away: more means going back to the basics.

More means getting small and listening.

More means less.

I am seeking peace, His peace, full peace, complete peace.

John 6:63 “The Spirit alone gives eternal life. Human effort accomplishes nothing. And the very words I have spoken to you are spirit and life.” (NLT)
The Spirit alone - Human effort accomplishes nothing.

So, I go to the Word.

Philippians 4:4-7 “Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again--rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember the Lord is coming soon.
Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” (NLT)

Sharing just one section of this search for Peace with you from my journal:

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.”

What am I worried about right now?
This disease of spasmodic dysphonia

 (aside: Spasmodic Dysphonia is known as the strangling disease. End result: raspy, garbled, undistinguished speech. - Not good for a missionary, not good for a teacher, not good for a mentor/counselor)

What if I can never speak again?
What if I can never mentor again?
I’ve lived my life mentoring, God. I’ve shared You and You have used me to lead others to You... through the use of my voice! OH GOD? How can this be?
So, You tell me not to worry about it. I want to lay it down.

Too personal to share, but I wrote one in my journal. Maybe some days I will share them, maybe not.

One section of this journey today shared with you.
Be encouraged, we walk together.

“Courage is not some type of bravado that looks danger in the face and laughs. Courage weighs the end-results of doing what is right and what is wrong and does what is right anyway. In courage I do what is right when I am scared out of my wits!” -- RoRoEbenezer

And if you have some way you are laying down some worries, feel free to write about it in the comments. Shoulder to Shoulder we walk through this Life of Peace together.

Thursday, January 1, 2015

Peace I bring to you

New Year’s Day!
New Year’s Day, 2015.
New and Fresh and Untarnished.

In Germany the New Year brings greetings of “Guten Rutsch!” Which means verbatim: good slide. The actual context and meaning is of much greater importance. The actual context and meaning we don’t have only two words for in English.

It holds in this greeting a wish for a joyous ride, sliding, and happy, and filled with wonder. What one might experience on a sled from the top of a mountain and all the way down on freshly fallen snow. It is an experiential expression, not staid and stiff.

Today marks a new snowy, thrilling, exciting, breathtaking, sled ride in my life.

Yesterday morning I wrote in my journals that I was using the word Restoration for my 2015 Word. I had planned it. I thought, surely this is what I need for this new year. However, as I walked through New Year’s day, as I contemplated the last few months, as I meandered through some of my journaling, well - low and behold it got changed. What did I write down on the Eve of this new year?


Yes, peace. It is something that I have been lacking and asking God to give me for several months.

The verse that He gave me a few months ago while moving across the ocean was: Philippians 4:7.  “Then you will experience God’s peace.”

The verse says: “Then.”

So I asked...


Begin in Philippians 4:4 

“Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again -- Rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon. Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” Phil 4:4-7

Honey B and I have been talking about this off and on. This peace. This not worrying.

Restoration will come. Peace is needed. None of this last year is what I would have expected it to be. Nothing has come to pass that I planned. I have been caught on a downward slide. Today, I decide to trust God and look at it as the Guten Rutsch that it I need it to be.

“God often does his best work in us when he catches us by surprise and introduces a change that is completely against our own desire.” Chuck Swindoll.

So, instead of living in Germany, or working in Baltimore and flying into Germany, or teaching, or working a part time job, or doing anything that I planned on doing. Looks like my joining a writing association and taking some classes and figuring out how to hone this craft and gift that God gave. Looks like as my son says: “Why not spend this time making your job learning how to love HoneyB well.”

Looks like this will be my 2015.

Here we go, my HoneyB and me dragging pour little doggies Ebenezer, Gin, and Bourbon along for the ride! Let’s see what God brings to us.

I love you HoneyB.

your mutating missionary