Sunday, June 26, 2011


June 25, 2011

“What shall I say? Father, save me, from this hour? But for this cause came I unto this hour. Father, glorify thy name.” John 12:27-29 RV

“My attitude as a saint to sorrow and difficulty is not to ask that they may be prevented, but to ask that I may preserve the self God created me to be through every fire of sorrow. Our Lord received Himself in the fire of sorrow; He was saved not from the hour, but out of the hour.

We say that there ought to be no sorrow, and we have to receive ourselves in its fires, If we try and evade sorrow, refuse to lay our account with it, we are foolish. Sorrow is one of the biggest facts in life; it is no use saying sorrow ought not to be. Sin and sorrow and suffering are, and it is not for us to say that God has made a mistake in allowing them.

Sorrow burns up a great amount of shallowness, but it does not always make a man better. Suffering either gives me my self or it destroys my self. You cannot receive your self in success, you lose your head; you cannot receive your self in monotony, you grouse.

The way to find your self is in the fires of sorrow. Why it should be so is another matter, but that it is so is true in the Scriptures and in human experience. You always know the man who has been through the fires of sorrow and received himself; you are certain you can go to him in trouble and find that he has ample leisure for you. If a man has not been through the fires of sorrow, he is apt to be contemptuous; he has no time for you. If you receive yourself in the fires of sorrow, God will make you nourishment for other people.”  Oswald Chambers My Utmost for His Highest

I sit on the windowed porch in the deep East Texas woods, watching the yard bunny hop in its leisure across the yard as the squirrel waits patiently on the chain-link fence to dash across the yard and fill up, as he did yesterday, in the birdbath. The bird feeder and the hummingbird feeder have been left for me to enjoy nature through these windows. Ebenezer watches and enjoys the movement and I snuggle into the overstuffed couch with my feet up on the ottoman to read the Word and Oswald on this June-day of 25 in this year 2011. To read, to meditate, to write, to pray – that is my task for this morning. One would never guess that this soul has been through any pain at all as I sit in such luxury, blessed by my friend’s generosity.

And yet as I listen to my life’s days, sorrows are the marrow of them. I often say that I have been called to minister to women because I have experienced most of the pains/sorrows/injustices/abuses a woman can experience and God has been faithful in allowing me to heal and find Him in those places. He has not only seen me through them, but in His faithfulness, He has allowed me to find joy in the midst of many of them, and definitely find joy and healing in the ending of them.  And they have ended. I am blessed to have had these sorrows enter my life and then be removed. I am amazed as I look back and realize that. And yet, was that the purpose from His beginning?

One of the statements I make to my supporters is: I have lived where these women live, I have seen God’s hand and I share His faithfulness with them. I share with them His desire to hold them in the midst of the chaos and pain. I am a traveler on the other side of the chasm that shines a light in the darkness and cries, “Follow Jesus.”

I am blessed to be “nourishment” for the women that come across my path, as I am blessed by the people that have been “nourishment” for me on this life-path.

Today will be filled with more sharing. The young couple that I met in Germany now lives here in the US. I will visit with them today. I have walked through language learning with the young man, guided him back toward Jesus, guided the young woman toward Jesus, encouraged them in listening to God’s voice about their living situation, watched as they moved away from each other, planned a wedding, witnessed the wedding, witnessed their lives, spoke into their lives and even participated in their church wedding. Now they live here in Texas! When I met them, he was homesick. As I meet with them today, she is homesick. I know both of these ‘homesicknesses’ as it were – the deep ache, the off-centered feel, the confusion of foreign land.
Homesick for the USA, Homesick for Germany.

How will I encourage them in this place that God has them? I cry: Follow Jesus.

Your Mutating Missionary
and Ebenezer :)

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

four words

no walking to this church
Profound thoughts - four words:

Walk with the Lord
Sing from your heart
Eat from the honeycomb
All is knowing Him
Carry your own stuff
Hearts hold the keys
Your eyes tell me
Songs of joyous laughter
Crying waters the soul
When is enough, enough
Can you do this?
Will you do this?
Why not try this?
God said: Take courage

climbing the steps that have been climbed for hundreds of years    

Sunday, June 19, 2011

unconditional love

my dad...enough said.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God’s OWN POSSESSION, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light 1 Peter 2:9

We are chosen - for what? We are chosen to be His possession. Why? So that we may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called us out of darkness into His marvelous light.  In the light we live a different way. We live for the future return of the God who has chosen us to be His.

He went... and He will come back. He has chosen us and He has promised that He will come back and get us to take us to where He is. He is preparing a place, a place for His own. In this place there will be all joy and all perfection.

We have much that we can know on this earth that is filled with joy. I share several of my joys with you on this blog, through pictures, through words, through quotes. However what I find absolutely grand is that those joys that are so deep and so amazing, so impromptu, so serendipitous, will be usurped by joys that we cannot even imagine.  If these daily joys of the 'dailies' are so joyous... how much more will our hearts burst with His joys that He lays up for us in heaven. 

And my suspicion is, that these joys will be surrounding Him in some way, through some venue - our joys will be surrounding Him. 

But think about this... could it be that He is surrounding all of the joys even in this fallen world?
As I look deep into the blooms, stop to admire the amazing creativity God has used in making hands, breath in the depths of the beauty of music slipping across the room, buildings that mark time and space... these dailies are such joys. These joys are surrounding Him. He is the only joy that erupts in this earth. He erupts in the most unsuspecting places - a child's smile, a tiny bloom, a garden, a building, a song, a sunset...

mutating missionary
and ebenezer

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Sunday, June 12, 2011

I'm hungry for:
1. An evening at the Mezzo with friends, teas, coffees, flammkuchen, and mediocre art.
2. A Sunday morning with dogs barking, warm/hot room, steep granite steps, doors that lock immediately, chairs that are uncomfortable, crammed into a small room, harp and drumbox, songs lifted in both English and German, hugs, tears, laughter, smiles, languages slipping easily from English into German, guys leaving quickly to prepare for the baseball game, others gathering together for a long lunch.
3. An evening of movies on a white couch, after a meal at a white IKEA table that has a permanent burn mark in the center from a moment of carelessness that can be laughed about today.
4. A man that always is kind enough to move so that Ebenezer and I can have a seat out of the line of traffic at the Schweikert. His faithful dog friend died after many years of love.
5. Walking Ebenezer and being greeted with ugly statements, nasty snarls, horrible looks - by the mean old lady that lives down the road. She is one of my missions when I return.
6. Walks in the vineyards, walks in the fields, Ebenezer running free, Ebenezer with me all the time.
7. Baseball games...
These things I am hungry for. But... that is good and right. They are the stuff of life. It is good to be hungry for these things. It allows me to stop and give thanks for all the things that I am involved in here in the USA.

I am thankful for:
1. My little room in my son's home filled with books, suitcases, bags, a few clothes and Ebenezer's blanket.
2. My easy gait with my sons and their wives.
3. My time with Little Miss H... B. BÄR!!!!!
4. This moment when I prepare to see her dedicated. I am here for that!!!! What a blessing!
5. This day that we set aside to worship the Lord God Most High! We gather together with believers and stop and praise and sit in community to say YES to stopping the world to be with each other and HIM!
6. The sun that shines in its unbelievable heat.
7. The air that hangs heavy in its humidity.
8. The clothes that cost only 10$
9. The joys that are priceless.
10. The love that is unwavering.
11. The tires that are balding.
12. The car that starts and runs and has good gas mileage!
13. The freedom that screams - In God We Trust

I am thankful. I am hungry. I wait for my Lord's return when all will be right with the world.

mutating missionary
and ebenezer

Friday, June 3, 2011

life symphonies written by the most high God

God surprised me tonight.

It was the ending of an intense workshop that I was co-leading. A spiritual workshop that allows us to enter into places with each other and God that are phenomenal. Many epiphanies have been discovered and a community has been melded together.

I was thrilled to walk this journey with these fine believers. The honesty and integrity of intimacy with God was powerful. God's glory was seen as He reached down and delivered a beautiful life symphony. Lives that met through melody and harmony - staccatos, intermezzo, legato and even klangfarbenmelodie! Absolutely exhilarating.

Our time of sharing lasted 4 evenings from 6:30-9:30pm, but the symphony that I will hear in my head as I remember this music of our lives will last ever so much longer and reverberate in my heart for many many years.

This community of listeners - this community of listeners - this community of listeners - heard. They heard during the interludes and in the silences. They stepped back and listened as God whispered His healing music in ears that now dance in delight at possibilities of safe and loving places and journeys God will lead them through.

I am in awe that God is allowing me to be involved in lives in this way.

Thank you Lord for using me, using others, and loving us in this symphony you direct: our lives.

looking forward to the tomorrows

mutating missionary
and ebenezer

ps the harp above is my sweet Aliza Lorraine. She waits for me in Germany. Built by the loving hands of a dear friend there - she holds many stories for me to share through her strings and her reverberations... wait sweet Aliza Lorraine... wait. I come in God's timing.