Monday, June 21, 2010
I'm leaving in less than a week. Opening the door again to language school. I have to complete the level of C1 before I can begin teaching the inductive bible studies I have a vision to teach throughout Germany. Yes, I am already teaching bible studies - but not the vision I have for Germany... C1 is at the beginning of University level. I must be able to speak, write, read and understand at this level. I begin C1 this coming week. I am opening the door.
I have never liked change. I don't like it now. I was told years ago by my ex-husband that I could put a tap-root down quicker than any person he knew. I'm that way. I want so badly for a schedule to arise and things to move at a steady rate - but days fly by and I am rarely in any one spot for more than 3 months at a time. It is wearing me down.
I am 53 years old. I have moved - Silsbee, Pasadena, Baytown (3), Hot Springs, Angleton, New Port News, Woodville (2), Beaumont (5), Woodville, College Station (2), Dayton (2), Connecticut (2), Cincinnati (2), Highland Village (3), Flower Mound, Germany (5). and that doesn't include school changes...
I'm tired of change. I am crying out to God as I open the door one more time and climb up those steps, leaving my hat and coat behind...
vulnerable - ragged - worn - and gloriously waiting for Him to come in and strongly support. Because He says He will - and He always has. The only one I have with me all the time - my one constant. HIM. Praising that fact and soaking in Him this moment.
Because HE IS the I AM,
your mutating missionary
... & Ebenezer goes with me - thank you God.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Wonderful things about growing older with God in your life:
- You understand that life comes to an end
- Your aches and pains are there for a reason and each one signifies one day closer to seeing Him face to face!
- You know that people are people and we all make mistakes
- You realize that you are still being formed in the image of Him but you are a bit more gentle with yourself - knowing that He must do that work and you must get out of the way- and that is not so easy to do.
- You love both the good days and the bad, because they remind you that you will have a point when you will have neither and those that you love will be sad to see you go - you will be dancing however and so you look forward to it.
- You rejoice with every glimmer of someone's eyes when they begin to see that Jesus is the one and only. Just the beginnings of this realization set you on a high.
- You really get that it can't be easy to live with each other and marvel at the fact that God put it into us to want to do it.
- You smile at the simplest things and sometimes spend days just smiling - even when there is no reason.
- You marvel at the ease of the young to jump, run, stand, sit, lie down on the floor immediately when they rise from the bed and are just thrilled to make it through the day without having a joint hurt... any or all :-)
- You love your gray hair and giggle at your jiggles
- When you meet with your loved one in your red-prayer chair (yours might be pink, purple, or green) nothing comes between you and Him and you can sit for long periods of time just soaking up His grace and mercy - because you know you need it.
- You laugh at yourself more
- You cry for others more
- You sing with the windows down, stick your hands out of the windows during a rain and giggle when you realize you have slowed down to look at the cows! - without even noticing the cars behind you filled with racing rangers - on their way to somewhere, anywhere FAST!
- You sleep easily every night and wake up with a smile on your lips and a song in your head.
- One day closer to the one that I call Husband, Lover of my soul, Friend, LORD, Master, Father, Mighty, Great, All Goodness and my beloved.
Your mutating missionary
Thursday, June 10, 2010
I'm kinda' an artsy fartsy kinda girl. I have a love for the eye-catcher. When traveling in the Netherlands and having the opportunity to see the Van Gogh museum another young girl and I were left behind as we studied and admired the nuances of each of the paintings. I love creativity. This particular house is owned by a famous writer. I won't say who she is, but she lives in San Antonio.
Today was filled with a lot of head-achy kinds of things for me. Paper work, paper trails, numbers, loose ends... Things that never make me happy - only give me a headache - only cause me to feel incredibly inadequate and full of angst.
It began years ago. Has never gotten settled. Hit a HIGH at the beginning of this year and EXPLODED about a month ago. I have been leaning heavily on the one who IS. I am waiting and watching as on thing after another goes wrong and God still comes through - with a peace and a calmness that no one should have during these times. I attribute it all to Him. He is graciously seeing me through this. Not because I deserve it - I have failed over and over again - not because I worked hard to make it happen - I have dealt time and time again with forgetfulness and health issues and time constraints and fears and... and... and... But simply because He is gracious and loving and knows my weaknesses and fills my inadequacies with His wonderful grace.
This morning I am praising Him as I watch Him hold me. Thank you LORD, thank you and help me to be transformed into more than what I can see of myself - and into what You can do through this broken imperfect me. Do this through me - all the while not allowing me to loose one singe iota of creativity, sassyness, and pluck that You have bestowed in me. That is miracle stuff. Thank you for the miraculous.
Your mutating missionary