Saturday, May 23, 2009


exhausted by lukewarmness...

read this phrase on a wonderful friend's blog...

i'm pondering

Friday, May 22, 2009

have you ever been in a place where you understood the language but you still felt like you were in a foriegn country...
This is life for me right now. I seem to be walking down this long endless walkway - I look out of the windows and don't know where I am - I have been walking down this walkway for a long time - it seems like I have gotten no where - I slip into doubts and fears.... step through another threshold to remind myself that those are no longer 'who I am' and surely not worthy of 'whose I am' and I walk on - and then I move into this quaint spot with all of these possibilites and I get excited about starting on one and God says --- wait a minute --- we are not through walking down the endless walkway --- there are still places you haven't discovered --- still intimacies I desire to share with you --- still surprises around those endless corners! --- still life to be lived and loved...
so I pack up my possibilities and hand them to Him --- and keep walking --- whispering to Him and Him whispering back --- to the left --- to the right --- watch that step --- grab your coat --- sit on the bench and rest for a while... sit on the bench and rest...

I think I will head down to the local backerie and sit with a milchcoffee and ponder. I love Friday Sabbaths...
Have a great day - and prayers requested :-)
mutating missionary



Thursday, May 21, 2009


in great form for walking and praying... I think days like this are wonderful for meditating on His Ascension... great to live in a place that totally shuts down for days like these... sad to live in a place that really doesn't know why they shut down for this day... just another one of those religious holidays we get to benefit from... no meditation, no thoughts toward Him, nothing but wandering in the streets of small resort towns and window shopping, or getting together with friends to grill and get drunk ... and then... there is this core of believers that just rocks! This little hidden group that love God in such a sweet way, that remember Him, that celebrate Him, that celebrate this day, and use it for what it was meant to be used for... community with Him and those that love Him. As someone once said to me, "Aslan is on the move!"

May He find me faithful to the end.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

jots and thoughts today :-0)



So, recently I was reviewing some writings of my past. I came up on the Jots and Thoughts from yesterday. But, I also came across a prayer request journal from about the same time. In this prayer request journal I realized: of the 5 things that I was praying over - deep and big things -four of them have been not only answered but given a resound yes to. What is even more interesting, only in the last few months has one of the prayers been answered; and the prayer request date was in 2001.

We are so quick to give up in our prayers. And yet, here I sit having all of these things answered. If I had not written them down, I probably would not have realized that I had even prayed for them. That is one of my big reasons for logging my prayers. I love seeing His hand answer.

But, what intrigues me more today is the prayers. The actual requests. Right now, I am in the same position as I was in 2001. I don't know exactly what to pray for, have got no answers, don't know what questions to ask exactly. But, I know that my prayers are vital. I know that they deepen my relationship with my God. I think I am always just a little bit confused as to what door to walk through. Whether to go up the stairs, or stay in the hall. Am I a young child in this position or am I old and worn out? Do I want to sit with the crowd or sit alone? Or even more importantly, where do YOU want me to sit, Lord? Which stringed instrument am I? Am I a cello or a harp? What did you make me to be? What music should I be playing Lord? Where do You want me to start?
These questions and more. But, I write them down and I pray them out, and I seek His word for answers, and watch His hand move in my life and I love this relationship of very weak servant to very GRAND LORD! And I enter the ballet. And even if I am only one tiny bit player, a drummer, or a ballerina, in His grand production - I know that I am in the dance... really in the dance!!!!!

May your days be filled with entering the dance. I encourage you to save the prayers in a journal. There to be seen and remembered for years to come.





Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Jots and Thoughts from 2001...



What should I pray???????
Has this question ever entered your mind? For me it is a constant concern. Right now I have 3 wonderful children all at different places in their lives. I too, am at a watershed. We are all looking and questioning and begging God to answer our prayers. We pray for each other. We ache for each other. Yet we still must come back to the reality - we don’t have all the answers or even all the questions @#$@#$#$^$#%@#!@#$@^$ This does cause concern. As I slip into the reality of my inadequacies I am reminded of the reality of God’s Adequacy. His word promises us the Holy Spirit picks up where we leave off. Our groanings are translated and meet God’s ears in complete perfection. When we do not know how or what to pray He listens to our tearful wailing --- understands what we are asking for --- knows what we need that is best for us (or our loved ones) --- and rushes in to place our prayer before our God. He so perfects our cries that we can trust His translation will be the very best solution. We can trust the Holy Spirit to minister to us and to those we love in this wonderful way. When you have spent your last ounce of energy and cried your last tear, KNOW THIS…
The Holy Spirit lifts your tears, holds them, rearranges them, corrects them and makes them known to God the Almighty; the maker of this earth, your defender, provider, protector, your GOD! WOW! What a place to drop your salty tears. with… Him J
Because He is I am,
mutating missionary