Monday, December 14, 2009

hello from USA

(this was written the morning I was trying to leave for USA - my computer went blitzo and I couldn't post it.)
I've sat down approximately 15 times in the last few days to write something. I am burning to write and yet the words are pouring too fast in my brain to type them out.

  • What do I write about? the last 6 hours of procrastination packing?

  • the last 6 days in preparations for going to see my family in USA?

  • the last 6 weeks in language school?

  • the last 6 months with God?

  • the last 6 years of romance with the Lover of My Soul?

I don't know if I can explain all that is jumping around in my head. He is everywhere and leading me in ways I cannot always understand. Sometimes I feel that I will cave in this place and sometimes I fly because He is using me in such incredible ways. It is a glorious walk.


This was written this morning at 6:00 am in the USA

In this moment I am snuggled in one my son's leather couches in the good ole' USA. I came for my daughter's graduation. I spoke and hugged my mom. Neither one enough - satisfying enough - long enough - healing enough...

Saw my sister.

Had an incredible 4 days of family and getting to know my daughter's boyfriend's family. We were good, we enjoyed each other, we were relaxed and loving - laughter filled the houses, the restaurants, the shops we visited - we were good. We might not ever be together in that way again. All of us able to unite. Wonderful! May God be praised in the healing.

God confirms my walk in Europe daily. I am thankful for His hand. I fly home to Germany in a little over 24 hours. Today will be filled with the final stitches of this memorable trip. And then I fly... back to Ebenezer, to loved ones that speak a different language, to friends that are growing in the Lord, to my heart friend and my sweet little sister, to my co-workers for Him, to my completely different life, to my old/new surroundings, to work, to my Alisa Lorraine (my harp), to all that I consider another journey junction in this story that is leading me to Him in final glory.

I think God allowed me to have one of my 'waiting' scenarios completed and gave me what I have been hoping for and praying for this trip. Over 20 years has passed and I am thrilled at the joy I have to call my family, my family. All of them. Yes, I am thankful and blessed. My children, my children's spouses, my children's father and his family. Yes, I am blessed. Even my children's spouses families... God has graced us with so much.

no pics... not on my own computer ... but hope to write again soon. Still must share that event that turned me on my ear recently! Till then...

Bis dann!

mutating missionary

& ebenezer

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

so today is a multiple post day...

For months I haven't posted regularly. I have not one iota of understanding why. I know that I am, as is said here in Germany "standing between two stools". One is the English language and the other the German language. One is the American culture the other is the German culture. One is living within coffee drinking distance of my children and the other an ocean and half-a-country away.

But even in my daily writing I have wained. It has been a bit disconcerting for me.

In 24 hours I will be sitting at the Zürich airport awaiting my flight home. I visit for five days, travel for 2. Just looking at those numbers makes me tired. But, I am so thankful to the people and the loved ones that have helped me see my daughter graduate. It is so amazing to be able to do this. I cannot tell you. I had no plans - no thoughts - this would be a possibility.

It comes after a long stint in language school. I have said this before, but I say it again. I can speak German. I really can. I am better and better at it. But I am not good enough yet. I have moved beyond the sweet little Mexican woman that I so empathize with. You know the one? I told you about her in my first few months here. I told you about sitting in my classroom in LISD and speaking with this sweet little old lady that came daily to clean my classroom. She would smile at me and she would, in very broken English, say something to me. I would respond in Spanish, and she would fly into her mother tongue thinking that I could understand what she said. She would speak with fervor and with power. But, then she would realize she had lost me and go back to this pained 'searching for every word and syllable’ conversation. It was gruesome.

I am beyond that. I can carry on conversations with many mistakes, but carry them on. The people that I am speaking with can understand what I am saying and we have laughed and cried and been friends. But, I am still not where I need to be. I must be pretty good to teach a bible study. So, I continue in language school in April or May.

I listened to one of my 'boys' preach on his blog in Spanish yesterday. He is a missionary in Guatemala. I have watched him grow up and am now privileged enough to watch him rear his family on the mission field. They have it pretty rough. But, he spoke with such fluidity - I was a bit envious. Learning a language in school is an advantage.

Another young woman that I have watched grow up is living here as a newlywed. She is not as close to me in proximity as I would like. When she came I was in the midst of heavy duty ministry and headed to language school. So I haven't gotten to see her. She studied German in school as well. She writes it beautifully. I wish I knew as much of the German language Grammatik as she knows. But, she is dealing with homesickness, frustrations with the culture and basically, and huge questions as to 'why in heaven's name she ever wanted to come to this country' feeling. I CAN RELATE! I hope to see her in January.

I have cousins and a nephew here. I haven't seen either.

So... my intrigue of how and why I am here in a foreign land with no school preparations in my past - why I have not written so often of late - and why haven't I been able to connect with those that are here in Germany like I would have liked are all roaming around in my head.

But right now I am itching to write. I'm itching to share something that happened in these last few weeks. So today will be a multiple post day. 'Feast or famine.'
mutating missioanary
& ebenezer

"Ich, Jesus, bin der helle Morgenstern" Offenbarung 22,16
"I Jesus am the Bright and Morning Star" Revelation 22:16

this time of year

A forever friend of mine regularly forwards me something from a newsletter she receives. This excerpt I found good enough to pass on.

"This a time of year when humans long for love, too. A Christmas song can send you stumbling out of the hardware store in tears, the errand that brought you there forgotten, drowned in a rush of memory of what you had, but have no longer. Or maybe what you never had, and always wanted. But there's a way to find love and meaning besides the one you're missing now, whatever that one was. We make new families when our old ones have left us behind. We find new loves when we lose the old ones -- not like the old ones, for no two are ever alike. Was it your mother, your father? You won't find another one, but the love you learned is still in you, waiting to be used again in another way. A spouse? They'll never make another one like that one, either, and you may never marry again, but you do still know what you learned from life together.

How do you find love again? By being a complete person, one who knows how to give and how to receive even the smallest thing with a contentment willing to grow into joy. Our loves all help form us into loving people, and we don't ever have to lose that. Because, no matter what has been taken from us, we are still who we are."

by: The Almost-Daily eMo from the Geranium Farm Copyright © 2001-2009 Barbara Crafton - all rights reserved
sorry i've been gone...
mutating missionary
& ebenezer

Monday, November 2, 2009

Fragen... question

If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things.
- Rene Descartes

Ich glaube das ist wahrheit. Ich habe das getan. Ich bin ganz sicher -- mein Gott ist GOTT!
I believe this is truth. I have done this. I am completely sure -- my God is GOD!
Ich danke Gott, dass er deises Freundinnen zu mir mitgebraucht. Jetzt, ihnen suchen die Wahrheit.
I thank God, that he brought these girls to me. Now, they seek the Truth.
mutating missionary
& ebenezer
PS: "If I obey Jesus Christ, the Redemption of God will rush through me to other lives, because the deed of obedience is the Reality of Almighty God." Oswald Chambers - My Utmost for His Highest

Sunday, November 1, 2009

November my Birthday MONTH

Excerpt from my journal this morning:
November 1, 2009
I am blessed!
It is November 2009. I have survived and actually thrived for almost 4 years of living in a foriegn country.
I have ( ALL while not being fluent in the language - in fact in the beginning speaking with hand and feet):
  • moved across the Atlantic ocean
  • bought a car
  • set up house
  • lived without kitchen and furniture for over 2 months
  • designed a kitchen
  • had a kitchen installed
  • bought and installed lights
  • learned the driving laws
  • dealt with a foriegn business to install phone
  • dealt with a foriegn business to deliver and put together furniture
  • gotten a German driver's license
  • bought and had installed washer and dryer
  • learned how to use them
  • learned how to shop
  • learned how to maintain a car
  • learned how to order in a restaurant
  • learned how to travel
  • learned how to make reservations over phone
  • learned how to get/give directions
  • learned how to converse in German
  • learned how to drink tons of coffee
  • learned how to make doctors appointments
  • learned how to get help in the emergency room
  • learned how to have an operation in a foriegn country
  • learned how to travel into other foriegn countries
  • bought and learned how to play a harp
  • learned how to be sensitive to different cultures
  • learned I really am proud to be an American
  • learned how to walk shoulder to shoulder in a foriegn land with brothers and sisters in Christ
  • learned how to lead women that don't speak my language to the Lord
  • learned how to teach inductive bible studies in German (not well - but done)
  • learned how to laugh softer but harder
  • learned how to cry louder and longer
  • learned I can be incredibly angry with other cultures
  • learned that God is truly with me where ever I go.

your mutating, mutating, mutating missionary

& ebenezer

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Don't Let Me Go

My bedroom holds many memories of family and friends. My red-prayer-chair sits in my bed room, as does this card my mom gave me for my birthday one year. Every year around my birthday I remember the day she gave it to me. It was in the year 2000. I had met a man on a plane in October after coming home from a mission trip to Holland over the summer. This man would change my life. He took me down a road of expectation. I hadn't been down that road for many years. He was and is a famous jazz musician.

But this one card holds memories of that experience because my mom was having to deal with the possiblity that I might, just might begin a relationship with a man that she 'culturally' might have problems accepting, and yet knowing that as the wonderful believer she is ... well, she would just have to! If we loved each other.

The card is in black and white and says, "What a delightful difference one single life makes!" The card had/has many levels of meaning. The possiblity of the married kind of love for me was real. It might have happened - but 9-11 sent us on different paths. His pain in New York was great - my pain in Flower Mound was given to God.

and He carries this one single life - continually!

<a href="">Don't Let Me Go by Emily Riddle</a>

mutating missionary
& ebenezer
PS my favorite line in the above song: Teach me to pray, Teach me to love to obey, Teach me to pray.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

herbst - not the kind the orthodontist uses...

I love autumn, fall, herbst!
I find it tantalizing. Such a hint of playfulness. The leaves dance in the wind and then fall to create a blanket on the floor of mother earth, they turn different colors overnight. The wind whips around corners and haunts my bedroom. The sun chooses which hours to shine and which hours to hide away behind the clouds.
I love autumn, fall, herbst!

and it is a season when all of my creative juices bubble!

mutating missionary
& ebenezer

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Does He NEED you/me to do it? Does He NEED you/me to do anything?

Who grows a church?
I'm involved with a group of wonderful people on the other side of my past world and we desire to build a church.

This is our desire.
You might ask why? Isn't Germany the home of Luther? of the great theological minds? of huge churches and wide and deep histories?
Yes. It is.
But... people here are considered out dated if they actually believe what the bible says about God.
So... do you think that Satan would really be without concern for a church that has a really good biblical teacher, praise music that most hear only in concert halls, a few people (30-50) attending regularly and living life out with each other, hungry new believers, and hearts that are completely God's. Do you think that maybe he would hummmmm like.... not really want this to happen?

I've been wondering how he might try to clip our wings. But... this I know!

Nothing happens in the life of a believer that is not sifted through the loving hands of a loving and compassionate God. The spiritual attacks, the physical attacks, the poor choices, the unwise decision... somehow... somehow... God will triumph.

Why? Because He said He would. Because it is not about us. He will not allow His name to continue to be sullied. He will not... He will not...
And so when I don't understand something, when I am confused in this place, when I watch my loved ones hurt and hurt for them, when I discern choices for positive or negative in this body of believers, where do I run? When I have others come to me and ask why someone is doing something... and grow tired of saying, talk to that person...
Where do I run? Where do I run?
Into the arms of a sovereign God. He who allows us to suffer the consequences of our own actions, but will not allow Satan to destroy us.
I wonder... does He ever get tired of my having to remind myself of these facts?
He grows His church.
I really need Him to hold me during the growing pains though. I really need Him to hold me.

Because I know that the consequences don't last for just a week... they last a life time.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

what is in a name?

Names are very important to me. They stand for something. I have three children and much thought and prayer was given before I named each one.
My oldest (Bryce Derek = Breach and Swift Moving: I thought that appropriate since he was a breach birth and 3 months premature) / (Erin Leigh = Peaceful Meadow: and she truly is our conflict resolution specialist) / (Grant Douglas = Great Provider: He has provided us with more than money sense during his short life on this earth. At about 13 years old he won a tough guy award because he didn't cry from being stung by a wasp on a boyscout camp out. He climbed into the car afterward and told me, "Mom, it isn't hard not to cry about a wasp sting. Wasp stings go away. What really hurts and is the pain in a person's heart. That pain isn't so easy not to cry about.")
Names are very important.
Today in my readings I came across Gideon. Gideon, you probably have heard about him. He was the guy that God called to get Israel back on track. He was chosen by God to get the Midianites out of control. He destroyed a temple of Baal (his father's) and gave an offering to the one True God. And God was pleased. But, the neighbors were not!
They sought out the culprit that destroyed the temple and found out it was Gideon. They went after him and his dad 'protected (?)' him. The story goes like this:
"They said to one another, "Who did this thing? And when they searched about and inquired, they said, "Gideon the son of Joash did this thing." Then the men of the city said to Joash. "Bring out your son, that he may die, for he has torn down the altar of Baal, and indeed, he has cut down the Asherah which was beside it." But Joash said to all who stood against him, "Will you contend for Baal, or will you deliver him?" Whoever will plead for him shall be put to death by the morning if he is a god, let him contend for himself, because someone has torn down his altar."
Therefore on that day he named him Jerubbaal, that is to say "Let Baal contend against him." because he had torn down his alter." Judges 6:29-32 (read more about the way that God helped Gideon in Judges... but then later in chapter 7 it begins:
"Then Jerubbaal (that is, Gideon) and all the people who were with him rose early and camped beside the spring of Harod; and the camp of Midian was on the north side of them by the hill of Moreh in the valley. The LORD said to GIDEON (emphasis mine), "The people who are with you are too many for Me to give Midian into ther hands. for Israel would become boastful, saying, "My own power has delivered me."
GREAT stories!!!
But back to the point of this blogspot. Names. This morning, I found it interesting that people changed Gideon's name, but God still called him Gideon! There are times in the word where God has changed people's names. Sara, Saul, etc. etc. And He also tells us that He has given us a secret name that only He knows. This name He will give us when He sees us face to face and I believe our hearts will leap when He calls us by this name.
But this is the only place that I have taken notice of people giving someone a name and God not going along with it.
How often do we give people names? labels? How often do we give ourselves names? labels? What names does our God call us?
Mine is rre: chosen daughter of the king! Not: woman who has left her own 'successful'career and life to become a 2 year old in a foreign land unable to converse over the smallest and most simple theological truths!!!!!!! ---- this is so often what I feel like.
However, I can certainly get none of the glory for any fruit that is being harvested!!!!!!!! AND His Name is being glorifyed as fruit is being harvested!!!
and I am so excited that He allows me to worship and adore Him. May I do it the rest of my life.
mutating missionary
& ebenezer

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

"The men of Judah attacked Jerusalem also and took it. They put the city to the sword and set it on fire. After that the men of Judah went down to fight against the Canaanites living in the hill country, the Negev and the western foothills. They advanced against Canaanites living in Hebron ...and defeated Sheshai, Ahiman, and Talmai. From there they advanced against the people living in Debir.... And Caleb said, 'I will give my daughter Acsah in marriage to the man that attacks and captures Kerith Sepher." Othniel son of Kenaz, Caleb's younger brother, took it. So Caleb gave his daughter Acsah to him in marriage.
One day when she came to Othniel she urged him to ask her father for a field. When she got off her donkey, Caleb asked her, "What can I do for you?"
She replied, "Do me a special favor. Since you have given me land in the Negev, give me also springs of water."
Then Caleb gave her the upper and lower springs. Judges 1:8-15

I am really amazed sometimes at how much I don't know the word of God. I don't know how many times I have read this passage. I don't know how many times I have skimmed this passage. But, I have never been captured by these verses before. Was Acsah greedy? Spoiled? Worried?
As I read the verses I see much war, much uncomfortableness, much going on. I know for me seeing those I love go off and not come back from a war situation is disconcerting. I remember Viet Nam, The Gulf War, and now what is going on in the middle east...
But, this woman was bound to a warrier. He had conquered and she was his reward. I don't see her as spoiled. She did what her father required. (I don't see anywhere that anyone asked her who she wanted to marry) She was obedient to her father and married the guy. But then she asks her husband to ask for land. He does and Caleb gives it. I wonder was she aware of the brevity of life and wondering how to make sure that she was taken care of. She asks her father and he gives her what she asks. I don't think this was wrong or selfish. I think that she was thinking of her needs and making sure she and any descendents she had would be taken care of. Remember he husband was a warrier...
I am not going into all of the ins and outs of this scripture... Just pondering it.
I might come back and say none of this was correct, she was a jerkett and she was selfish as is evidenced later in this verse and that verse...
But, right now I am pondering that fact that she was provided for. Not only that she was provided for but she realized that she needed springs - springs of running water. When she got off her donkey, I can just imagine Caleb seeing a concern in her face. Because he asks her, "What can I do for you?' Have you ever heard God ask that? I have.

I am asking God to give me springs of water. He has given me SO much. I am thankful. But there is a disturbance within me. I want Him even more. I am asking Him to pour Himself over me with fresh springs of living water and for me to swim in the love that I know He has for me.
And I am asking for springs of water from my heavenly Father who has already given me land. I am asking because He is asking me, "What can I do for you?" I ask for more of Him.

mutating missionary
& ebenezer

Friday, August 14, 2009

that wonderful quote:
Bloom where you are planted!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

It has been a while since I last posted. I have now returned from Czech Republic, looking forward to a short visit with company from the USA, work has been exhilarating and a bit taxing and I've been pondering in the wee hours L-I-F-E when L-I-F-E hasn't been moving at an ICE Zug's speed! (the fast train in Europe)...

When I get several notices from friends and family that they are worried about me because of this long absence, and they are ready for some new thoughts and pictures... I must admit it causes me to wonder - what shall I write about?

The work that is going on here?

The new avenues God is bringing me down?

The old cracked roads He is mending?

The smiles, the tears, the laughter, the joy? (which as we all know the latter may or may not consist of happiness...)

I honestly don't know. There are so many facets in my life right now. So much that is happening. And yet most of it is too personal and too intimate to share on an internet site. Too many people living life in a new way and seeing God's hand move in their hearts and their lives.

And yet, some say, they still would like to hear what is happening in my heart, in my life, in my world.

And there I stop. My world. It has so expanded and so exploded in the last few years. And yet, has it changed? I still wake each morning glad for another day, interested in what it holds in store, intrigued at the different nuances and the fun new angles He brings.

Relationships are, as always, difficult. They mean that one must remove themselves of their pre-suppositions and receive what is offered. I learned long ago not to judge a book by it's cover (so trite and yet so true). Some very 'normal' people are not normal and some very 'abnormal' people are as right as rain. I've never enjoyed the labels the world attaches to almost any and every person.

And so you have it... another random ranting from your mutating missionary (giggles, laughs, sighs, a few tears, and a great big hug to the world that God has given me to love!)

mutating missionary
& ebenezer

Saturday, August 1, 2009

A few pictures, a few words, a wonderful chapter of wisdom. Sharing with you my world:


June and July are missing -- Does anyone know where it went?

I become more and more aware of the scriptures that deal with the brevity of life as I sometimes live too fast on this world. And yet, the scriptures that deal with life are the ones that I have been meditating on.

May was a time of remembrances for me. I enjoyed a 'conversation' of sorts on this blogspot with my sister and a cousin of ours. We rambled down memory lane and I completely swam in the reality that one cannot get away from one's gene pool.

One comment on the blogspot made the assumption that we were English teachers - and if we were that would make these comments sensible. Alas, no ... we are none of us English Teachers. My sister did major in English during her second stent at University, and I am a Reading/Writing specialist and a Creative Workshop Writer Trainer - but English Teacher - No!!!!! We are not.

One might ask, "Why not?" The answer is simple: She because writing is her love, and I because creativity is mine ;-)

No, we are simply Eas***m girls. We enjoy words. We enjoy the play, the toil, and even the surprises that words ignite.
However, my Aha! moment came upon my cousin's entry. We have rarely seen each other in our grown-up years. And yet here on the cyber-page her words were warm and melodic. They echoed my sister's and mine. It caused me to ponder for a long time over gene-pools! That, with the words written on the last post, has set me down a new road, a road to remember and take hold of the truths of this Proverb: (most of you will stop reading now... because what I write is the entire chapter of Proberbs 3 - das ist schade = that is a pity = that is too bad. My prayer is that you read and contemplate where God is speaking to you. I know I have.

Proverbs 3
My son, do not forget my teachings, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity. Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man. Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones. Honor the LORD with your wealth and with the firstfruits of all your crops; then your barns will be overflowing and your vats will brim over with new wine. My son do not despise the LORD's discipline, and do not resent His rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those He loves as a father, the son he delights in. Blessed is the man who finds wisdom, who gains understanding, for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold. She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her. Long life is in her right hand; in her left are riches and honor. Her ways are pleasant ways and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who embrace her; those who lay hold of her will be blessed. By wisdom the LORD laid the earth's foundations, by understanding he sat the heavens in place; by His knowledge the deeps were divided, and the clouds let drop the dew. My son, preserve sound judgment and discernment, do not let them out of your sight; they will be life to you, an ornament to grace your neck. Then you will go on your way in safety; your foot will not stumble; when you lie down you will not be afraid; when you lie down your sleep will be sweet. Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked, for the LORD will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being snared. Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act. Do not say to your neighbor, "Come back later, I will give it to you tomorrow" when you have it with you. Do not plot harm to your neighbor, who lives trustfully near you. Do not accuse a man for no reason, when he has done you no harm. Do not envy a violent many or chose any of his ways, for the LORD detests a perverse man but takes the upright into his confidence. The LORD's curse is on the house of the wicked, but He blesses the home of the righteous. He mocks proud mockers, but gives grace to the humble. The wise inherit honor, but fools he holds up to shame.

Now, I stop today and thank my LORD. I thank Him for my gene pool, for my life, for my love, for my days, for my ebenezer. I thank HIM and beg Him to create in me the person that can read this chapter and sleep well.
mutating, mutating, mutating missionary
by the way did you hear the angels sing about a week ago? One of the women I am mentoring made a life surrendering commitment to our LORD! We went to a small chapel, prayed together, and she hasn't stopped smiling since.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

exhausted by lukewarmness...

read this phrase on a wonderful friend's blog...

i'm pondering

Friday, May 22, 2009

have you ever been in a place where you understood the language but you still felt like you were in a foriegn country...
This is life for me right now. I seem to be walking down this long endless walkway - I look out of the windows and don't know where I am - I have been walking down this walkway for a long time - it seems like I have gotten no where - I slip into doubts and fears.... step through another threshold to remind myself that those are no longer 'who I am' and surely not worthy of 'whose I am' and I walk on - and then I move into this quaint spot with all of these possibilites and I get excited about starting on one and God says --- wait a minute --- we are not through walking down the endless walkway --- there are still places you haven't discovered --- still intimacies I desire to share with you --- still surprises around those endless corners! --- still life to be lived and loved...
so I pack up my possibilities and hand them to Him --- and keep walking --- whispering to Him and Him whispering back --- to the left --- to the right --- watch that step --- grab your coat --- sit on the bench and rest for a while... sit on the bench and rest...

I think I will head down to the local backerie and sit with a milchcoffee and ponder. I love Friday Sabbaths...
Have a great day - and prayers requested :-)
mutating missionary

Thursday, May 21, 2009

in great form for walking and praying... I think days like this are wonderful for meditating on His Ascension... great to live in a place that totally shuts down for days like these... sad to live in a place that really doesn't know why they shut down for this day... just another one of those religious holidays we get to benefit from... no meditation, no thoughts toward Him, nothing but wandering in the streets of small resort towns and window shopping, or getting together with friends to grill and get drunk ... and then... there is this core of believers that just rocks! This little hidden group that love God in such a sweet way, that remember Him, that celebrate Him, that celebrate this day, and use it for what it was meant to be used for... community with Him and those that love Him. As someone once said to me, "Aslan is on the move!"

May He find me faithful to the end.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

jots and thoughts today :-0)

So, recently I was reviewing some writings of my past. I came up on the Jots and Thoughts from yesterday. But, I also came across a prayer request journal from about the same time. In this prayer request journal I realized: of the 5 things that I was praying over - deep and big things -four of them have been not only answered but given a resound yes to. What is even more interesting, only in the last few months has one of the prayers been answered; and the prayer request date was in 2001.

We are so quick to give up in our prayers. And yet, here I sit having all of these things answered. If I had not written them down, I probably would not have realized that I had even prayed for them. That is one of my big reasons for logging my prayers. I love seeing His hand answer.

But, what intrigues me more today is the prayers. The actual requests. Right now, I am in the same position as I was in 2001. I don't know exactly what to pray for, have got no answers, don't know what questions to ask exactly. But, I know that my prayers are vital. I know that they deepen my relationship with my God. I think I am always just a little bit confused as to what door to walk through. Whether to go up the stairs, or stay in the hall. Am I a young child in this position or am I old and worn out? Do I want to sit with the crowd or sit alone? Or even more importantly, where do YOU want me to sit, Lord? Which stringed instrument am I? Am I a cello or a harp? What did you make me to be? What music should I be playing Lord? Where do You want me to start?
These questions and more. But, I write them down and I pray them out, and I seek His word for answers, and watch His hand move in my life and I love this relationship of very weak servant to very GRAND LORD! And I enter the ballet. And even if I am only one tiny bit player, a drummer, or a ballerina, in His grand production - I know that I am in the dance... really in the dance!!!!!

May your days be filled with entering the dance. I encourage you to save the prayers in a journal. There to be seen and remembered for years to come.