Friday, May 16, 2008

broken cistern/poured out wine

Lately everything that I have been reading in Oswald has hit me hard in some way or another.

I love this great man of faith. I love the fact that he didn't try to publish a single word. I love the fact that he had a wife that honored him enough to take shorthand notes of his sermons to those lucky students in his school. I love the fact that she was faithful to transcribe them. I love the fact that God has used these words to minister to me for the last 15 years.

I have been dealing with some fears of late. Deep fears of private matters. Now I know that when fear arrives on the scene (unless it is a run-like-crazy-a-bad-guy-is-on-the-loose kinda' fear) it is not from the LORD. He makes it clear in 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline." But, I quake sometimes.

"2 Timothy 1:12 ..."but I am not ashamed; for I know whom I have believed and I am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until that day."

What have I entrusted to Him?
my life
my children
the work that He has given me to do
my heart
my heart
my heart
my life

Today I am reminding myself that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until that day! Right now I'm in my spirit climbing on top of the train He has called me to - I search for His face, I seek His words, I crave His presence. But I will hold on to the truths that He has set before me. He is able.

May I not be an empty cistern but broken bread and poured-out wine.

"For My people have committed two evils: They have forsaken Me, the fountain of living water, to hew for themselves cisterns, broken cisterns, that can hold no water." Jeremiah 1:13
Oh - I don't want to hew for myself. I don't. I don't. I don't!

"Herr, gib uns Mut zum Hoeren auf das, was du uns sagst. Wir danken dir, dass du es mit uns wagst. Herr, gib uns Mut zum Glauben an dich, den einen Herrn. Wir danken dir, denn du bist uns nicht fern." Kurt Rommel from Die Losungen 2008 Mai 16 Freitag

(my very rough translation: LORD give us courage to hear what you say to us. We thank you that you are with us on our way. LORD give is courage to believe on you the one God. We thank you that you are not finished with us. by Kurt Rommel from The Solutions 2008 May 16 Friday.

mutating missionary

desiring Him

Tuesday, May 13, 2008


"Prayer is a radical conversion of all our mental processes because in prayer we move away from ourselves, our worries, preoccupation, and self-gratification - and direct all that we recognize as ours to God in the simple trust that through His love all will be made new."
Henri Nouwen

Prayer, the activity that appears to be inactive. Prayer, a time where I must put my schedules, my designs away and wait on His. Prayer, a place I come to understand: my ways are not His ways. Prayer, where the world's ideas and answers, the world's boxes, the world's cultural mores clash with HIM! Prayer where I am surprised by Him, I am gifted good gifts through my Father!

Prayer – I find joy
Prayer – I find peace
Prayer – I find grace
Prayer – I find love, perfect love.

Your mutating missionary

Friday, May 9, 2008

England - where I still don't understand the Mother Tongue

a lone english man - probably my favorite pic of the bunch!
Shambles. This street was designed to shield the sun from the windows because during the time these houses were built the houses were taxed by the amount of sun your home let in. Usually taxed per window. These builders were trying to shade the windows from the sun. So the houses curve out over the street in the upper stories.

Driving on the wrong side of the road. I thought it interesting one of the men I met (a ship's captain) thought we drove on the same side of the road in America.



Wet and rainy - the stuff of England.

The coast...

As I leave England, I leave behind signs that even my mom can read!

So, winsome days still requested.

However, the trip to England was profitable, albeit different than I had expected. Spending this time getting to know a woman that otherwise I would never have been able to know, I found a seeker. She is the wife of a German, the mother of 4 boys. A woman seeking what step to take next. I pray that I encouraged her to take her future steps with God's Word being her map and relationship with Him her guiding incentive. If that is what this trip was about - well, it was worth it!

I am home. I have been home since Monday. Monday night's Bible study was like a cool drink of water. Building relationships is evident when one leaves and misses those one has left. I missed my brothers and sisters in Christ. I missed those women that God is allowing me to mentor. I missed those new believers. I missed those whom God is calling, softly whispering their names, "Come, come and follow Me.". I missed this community that God is building. It is not mine - it is His. And yet He has allowed me to be party to this adventure. Once again, I marvel at His everlasting lovingkindness; because you see, they missed me too!

I am excited to see His hand. I seek His face, I desire to hear His voice, I crave His touch. I am thankful that He reminded me yesterday to Ask, Seek, Knock!

Read this today in Oswald, it encouraged me, I hope it does you as well:

“There is a difference between an ideal and a vision. An ideal has no moral inspiration; a vision has. The people who give themselves over to ideals rarely do anything. A man’s conception of Deity may be used to justify his deliberate neglect of his duty. Jonah argued that because God was a God of justice and of mercy, therefore everything would be all right. I may have a right conception of God, and that may be the very reason why I do not do my duty. But wherever there is vision, there is also a life of rectitude because the vision imparts moral incentive.
Ideas may lull to ruin. Take stock of yourself spiritually and see whether you have ideals only or if you have vision.

“Ah, but man’s reach should exceed his grasp, or what is heaven for?”

“Where there is no vision…” When once we lose sight of God, we begin to be reckless, we cast off certain restraints, we cast off praying, we cast off the vision of God in little things, and begin to act on our own initiative, If we are eating what we have out of our own hand, doing things on our own initiative without expecting God to come in, we are on the downward path, we have lost the vision. Is our attitude today an attitude that springs from our vision of God? Are we expecting God to do greater things than He has ever done? Is there a freshness and vigor in our spiritual outlook? Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, May 9.

Because HE IS the I AM, i am
Your mutating missionary
PS… the dishwasher? One repairman came on Wednesday, one on Thursday and last night I enjoyed having that crazy GeschirrspĆ¼ler and USING it!