Monday, December 24, 2007

I identify with the stable!

The morning that children all over the world await arrived 8 hours ago in Europe.

Expectations are high. Excitement dances in the air. A bit of tension arises in kitchens all over the world. And a tree stands in homes decorated and delighted to be chosen as the tree to be admired through this blessed season.

And here, here in my little Wohnung, I too am feeling the stress, getting excited and have a Tannenbaum in the center of my living room. I live alone. I am here in this country alone. My children are all preparing for this season without me this year. It is our second time to be this far away from each other for this season. Last year I had a visitor. It was such a special time.

But this year. I am alone.

Being alone allows for a bit of sadness, a bit of crying, and even a bit of reminiscing that cannot go on while with family members, or while driving to be with childhood relationships. I try to look at this time as a time to refresh my mind, soul, and spirit on the purpose and reason we celebrate this season. Some moments - I have failed at this. I have wallowed in self-pity for a few hours, but thankfully those have come in small spurts. At this beginning of this week I was challenged by a dear friend and fellow blogger to read Philippians every day. That was such good preparation for yesterday, today, and tomorrow. (And here in Germany for Wednesday as well). I could relate to Paul being alone, feeling thankful for those that were sending support and for those there to encourage him, but most of all thankful to Jesus Christ and all He had done to change him and that God was continuing to change him and God WOULD ACCOMPLISH the change. (just relate not claim to be anything like)

So this morning I awoke refreshed and desiring to meditate on the simple and mystical birth of Christ. Are you aware that in Luke there is no mention of a stable in the scriptures that I can see. Yes, there is a reference to the manger and I can understand that fits in a stable. But I've been thinking about dwelling places lately and so the absence of mentioning a stable kind of stuck out at me in this passage.

I've never been to the Holy Land (I hope to go there someday). But from what I understand they have a spot that they claim as the place where Jesus was born. Interesting. On a night so long ago a lonely stable stood in Bethlehem. It sheltered the animals from the cold. No one would remember it to this day but for the fact that THE ALMIGHTY GOD lowered Himself from the heavens and in total humility entered the earthy, the dirty, the dingy, the tiny stable...

"although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bondservant, and being made in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross." Phil 2:6-8

...because there was no room for them in the inn.

May Christ dwell in me, and change me for now and ever more.

your mutating missionary

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

limping on this lane called life

called vs. driven
A theme I often return to.
A called person doesn't necessarily have it all together, but they are leaning on the One who does.
A driven person thinks they pretty much have everything all figured out and can tell anyone at anytime what they are doing wrong and how they should be doing things.

It is a scary reality to realize that people that consider themselves incredibly holy can actually simply be driven.

It is also a scary reality that I can never determine who is called and who is driven.

I can only check my own heart and bend my knee and cry out to the One and Only God to keep me in His place. To remain called doesn't mean that I have it all together, it means that mistakes will litter my life, it means that His Grace is sufficient, it means that I am not alone - no matter what it looks like, or feels like, it means He is my defender, it means He will protect my reputation. And when I have done something that I really believed was the right thing to do...
Well, it means that He loves right where I am. It means that He knows my heart.

And I beg HIM to protect me from the driven and draw me to the called.

your mutating missionary
treading cautiously
with a bit of a limp

Monday, December 10, 2007

discipline... how do you define it?

When I think of discipline I used to think of the following:
#1 being disciplined in my life i.e. punctual, orderly, fit, etc.
#2 teaching children how to behave appropriately
#3 reading my Bible every day and praying every day at the same time
#4 the military...
I desired, craved, sought, yearned for discipline - I think it is true that we all would like to order our lives out of chaos, teach our children how to function well in this world, and we need the military to follow orders!!!!!These are not bad things - they are good and necessary for a well-oiled community.

However, over ten years ago God brought a classic book across my path. Reading the book Spiritual Disciplines I came away with a much broader understanding of the word discipline. As my dear friend, 'Beloved Daughter' (see Journey Friend USA)oh that reminds me... i need to take time to add a few on that list ... oops... i digress.... DANG IT WHERE IS MY DISCIPLINE???????

Anyhoo back to the topic at hand... herding the rabbits...herding the rabbits....
I just read her blogspot this morning on the topic 'redefining discipline'

Spiritual discipline is so much deeper and more exciting and has more mystery than what I originally defined it as!!!!!!!! Spiritual discipline calls us to order our worlds so that we can experience God in a way that otherwise we might miss.

My friend explains it well on her blogspot entitled 'Redefining Discipline'
I think it is interesting that she wrote this blogspot on December 3 and I had just begun to re-read my book written by Richard Foster entitled Spiritual Disciplines on December 1... - this isn't the first time that God has brought this friend and I to the same topic at about the same time. Not the first time, not the only spiritual friend...WOW Isn't God great at building community. He does it thousands of miles apart. Living in His Body is an adventure of the spiritual side of life. He spreads His oil in this body/community!!!!!

"Discipline in the Christian life does indeed require effort, but it is an effort to reveal rather than to conquer. God always calls. To hear God's call and allow that call to guide our actions requires discipline in order to prevent ourselves from remaining or becoming spiritually deaf. There are so many activities distracting us that a serious effort is necessary if we are to become and remain sensitive to the divine presence in our lives." Quoted from Compassion see more from journey friend USA

mutating missionary

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Dancing with Failure

Ahh - the freshness of childhood
(fish tank in Chinese Restaurant)

7:00 am on my side of the ocean and 'SallySue Sun' has not poked her nose up yet.

Last evening she drifted below the horizon before 5:00 pm. I drug myself away from ‘Rafa’ my new musical companion (piano I purchased here in Germany) and stepped out into the brisk evening air, lights twinkling and dangling from barren trees, and excitement in the Weinachtzeit German air. The end of 2007 rapidly approaches.

As is my natural tendency this time of year, my thoughts are roaming over 2007. When that begins to happen, I roam over 2006, 2000, 1994, 1990… the years cascade across my thoughts and tickle my memories. Sitting in my local Chinese restaurant (below my apartment) I enjoy my first Christmas gift (a meal from my neighbor i.e. owner of said restaurant.)

As is also my natural tendency at this time of year, I begin to re-read the books that have become my staples over the years. These books always seem to re-establish me, remind me of my focus, and basically kick me back into shape. Ordering Your Private World by Gordon McDonald, Spiritual Disciplines by Richard Foster, and A.W. Tozer’s The Knowledge of the Holy.

So… last evening as I sat with my mentor, Gordon McDonald (not to be confused with the heavier and weightier George McDonald read) over a Chinese meal, I am reminded of my failures. If one was to list them… - oh Dear Sweet Jesus let’s not go there…

But God.

And within that one incomplete phrase lie the message I relish.

Morning finally breaks across the mountains of the Black Forest and I peer from my bedroom window; a smile begins its birth. Now it is a full-fledged belly-laugh. If one was of the mindset to title a life, my choice for the title of my life would be Dancing with Failure.

And yours?
Please share!!!
Your mutating, mutating, mutating missionary…

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness

I'm trusting God on a level that I have never trusted Him before. Years ago He told me that a particular situation would be too difficult for me. And as God usually does, He came back in and told me that 'Nothing was too difficult for Him."

I'm excited that I am in a 'win/win' situation. With God that is true.

At present I am simply basking in the beauty of HIM. I never want to be anywhere but a whisper away from Him.

He is whispering, "Trust Me, dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness."
What does that look like? Hummm, well, right now it simply means enculturate, befriend, love, care, and pray.

My heart's desire: to be near Him and Him alone.

mutating missionary

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Thank You

the very essence of God



Holy Spirit

The Gospel?

The Good News?

Three in One

Wanting us

His Blood

for you

for me

Tuesday, October 23, 2007


Some days are what I call: 'Stones of Remembrance' days.

These days are days when one simply must return and re-read old journals, and remind oneself of all of the ways that one has seen God's hand move in their life. I had one of those days today.

Didn't go through stacks, simply opened up my 'Gratitude Journal' and read the lists of things I have been grateful for over the last 10 years. I didn't write in it every day. But, it is amazing how much it jogs my memories.

Found this interesting:
on September 1, 2001, I wrote:
Write this down and Frame it!!!!!!!

"We have no right to judge where we should be put, or to have preconceived notions as to what God is fitting us for. God engineers everything; wherever He puts us, our one great aim is to pour out a wholehearted devotion to Him in that particular work. "Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might."
Oswald Chambers
I never calligraphied it, and never framed it...
Maybe now is the time!
May God be glorified in these 'odd places' He has placed me.
Mutating Missionary

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Friday, October 12, 2007

traveling companions

I want to travel with Him. I pray God can use me to encourage others to do the same.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007


Praise God for separation.

The Greek word that is translated "separated" is aphorizo. If you look at that closely you will see the beginnings of a word we English speakers use often and enjoy admiring (especially in Texas). Horizon. It can actually be translated as 'off horizoned'.

When I think about the moment I fell on my face at 29 years old and told God I didn't care what it took, I just wanted to know HIM; I was picked up from one horizon and placed in a completely different horizon. I was

Let's look at it like this: you are on a boat in the ocean sitting in the lookout crow's nest. As far as you can see is horizon, a complete circle. But you realize that at that moment somewhere on the ocean is another boat, that sees a completely different horizon. Your center of horizon is where you are, but when you begin a journey with Christ, you are picked up from your horizon and placed in a completely different horizon. You still go to the same desk, you still teach the same children, you still wash the same clothes. But your horizon is different. You are separated. You are

And sometimes the pull to go back to the other center is strong. But HE will help us. How? Not by working at it. Instead by getting more of Him. And He becomes our center. We are re-centered, off-horizoned, separated into Him.

your mutating missionary

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

And God whispered in my ear...

His still small voice said:

"Come and sit with me."

Turning over in bed, hitting the floor running, a cursory reading and daily devotional, a quick trip to take care of banking, a jump into the car, flying away headed to school, a hurried school day, I finally stopped long enough to realize I had ignored the whisper.

I felt so sorry. I asked Him to forgive me and made a date for 5:00 in the morning the following morning -I had a group of women coming for Bible study in my home in the evening after school.

I kept to my promise and woke with a deep desire to spend time "sitting with my Lord"

And we talked. How? I read His love letters to me, I journaled, I prayed, a stopped... really stopped. He pointed me in directions I needed to think about.

I was thirsty -

I drank -

I was satisfied -

I was blessed.


We are called to be the salt of this earth. And as we have all been told: Salt causes us to be thirsty. May I be continually thirsty for HIM!

Your mutating missionary

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Herbst ist heir im Deutschland

Preparing for the harvest. Always makes me ponder spiritual harvesting.
I wonder how I will fare.
Will God find me preparing my heart, sharing my love for others and for Him?
Will He find me planting seeds of Good News?
Will He find me weeding away my issues tossing them aside --- once again! They just continue to pop up. Stubborn little suckers!
Am I blooming for Him?
And finally, can Christ find my hand in the harvest of anyone?
May I join Him in His harvest.

Mutating Missionary

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

The sound of relationship

I love a hot cup of coffee shared with friends.

what I find interesting is that I didn't even drink coffee until I was in my 30s.

I went out with a dear friend from High School after going through divorce. His parents and my mom were very good friends. And we were very good friends. He helped me during those years understand so many things. He was a chaplain at a hospital in Dallas. He would make sure I didn't have too tough of a time by myself without my children when they were with their dad every other weekend. I would talk about.... and he would listen. It was a nice healing time for me. A safe place to vent. He never took advantage of me and was always such a godly example for my kids and for me. I am glad we had that time together.

But, the one thing that I still remember about him is the way he introduced me to one of my favorite pastimes today.

After dinner one night he ordered a cup of coffee. He asked me if I wanted one and I said, "No, I really don't drink coffee."

He looked at me with these sad eyes and said in the most inviting manner, "How can I share a cup of coffee with you if you don't drink coffee?"

Now mind you, I had grown up with people drinking coffee around me all of my life. Everyone around me drank coffee. But no one had ever posed the thought to me quite like this before. What an invitation. It was warm and kind and fuzzy all in one.

Who would have thought that this invitation would allow me to share a cup of coffee over a foreign table in Slovenia... while discussing God , how he Has been my Lover, my Redeemer, my Friend. How He has given me the amazing ability to continue learning German and not give up. How He continually leads me into relationship with new people, under new roofs, or even under the sky.

Who would have thought that a cup of coffee would be the avenue to share Him with someone.

What a journey.

your mutating missionary

Friday, September 14, 2007


a simple

clay pot

Because HE IS the I AM
i am
your mutating missionary

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Child's Play or Choices/Consequences

Recently I had a coffee with the mother of twins. We shared hopes, dreams, fears, laughter, and a few tears. While there, her twins played. I caught them on film as they played on the slide.
I love slides.
When I was a young child our house was in a cul-de-sac that butted right into the elementary school playground. Gates during that time were pretty much non-existent - we just walked to the playground and enjoyed! I remember the first time I climbed the steps of the 'tall' slide. Each step took me higher and made me a bit dizzy. Standing atop the slide was almost euphoric. Sitting on the slide and looking down that long line of tin - I braced myself. The first time I went down quite slowly - I wouldn't let go of the sides. I got braver as time went on and soon I was trying to catch air at the bottom of the slide. You know... sliding down on a sweater, or a cardboard box, anything to create less friction (and protect the skin on my legs!)

Watching these girls, I recalled a lesson taught me years ago. It was in conjunction with slides, with sin, and with making life choices. It went something like this:
Where is the easiest, least painful place to stop on a slide?
Answer: At the top.
Where is the easiest, least painful place to stop sinning?
Answer: At the beginning.

I have a dear friend that is making some life choices right now. You might say she is sliding down at a pretty robust speed. It is hard to watch. I remember times in my own life when the slide’s gotten the better of me.

God’s playground is immense, and we have oh so many fun things we can chose within His protective boundaries. Alas, when we push those boundaries – we get burned, we land on our rears, we scrap our legs, we fall…I know…been there, done that, and capable of doing it again. I too beg God to protect me from myself.

I find it interesting, that in kid-watching we learn so much.
Cautious child leaves the slide. Precarious child lands at the bottom. She then climbs the slide from a distasteful angle.

I’m thankful that He helps us up that angled slide. I’m praying that my friend not land too hard on her rump.
mutating missionary

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

the joys of motherhood


1. seeing my daughter

2. watching friends win their baseball game with my daughter

3. praising and worshiping God with friends and my daughter on Saturday night in my home

4. sweet hands that are simply enlarged images of tiny fingers wrapped around my thumb 25 years ago - hummm my daughter's

5. talking for hours with no speaking at all

6. sharing a meal in silence

7. sharing a meal in laughter

8. sharing a meal at home

9. sharing a meal with friends and my daughter

10. walking through a gladiola blooming field with my daughter beside me, choosing the most vivid colors, cutting them with our own hands, bringing them home to my yellow nest, and enjoying the beauty of them in this little wohnung (apartment)

Yes, the common thread - my daughter.

I'm thankful that I have three + two children...

Children who are no longer children - but God-loving individuals, with minds of their own, and a faith that belongs to them. A faith found on their own. A faith in the one true God. Jehovah - Jirah...


the last week was a joy

your mutating missionary

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Synonyms: expectancy, expectation, eagerness, keenness, hope!

I should be finishing the last bits of cleaning in my house. My daughter comes in 9 hours.

But I must sit down and write...

Anticipation: the feeling of looking forward, usually excitedly or eagerly, to something that is going to happen

synonyms: expectancy, expectation, eagerness, keenness, hope!

This is a fairly unplanned visit. We worked it out on Wednesday of this last week. By Wednesday night my time (morning hers) it was set. Thursday she had more finals, but I still texted her several times during the day. Can you bring this for ..... and don't forget to .... and......

Saturday morning I waited until what seemed like an eternity to call her to ask her for a particular CD a friend here in Germany would like to have. I think it was something like 9:00 in the USA. When she answered the phone with, "Don't you realize, I'm on vacation?" I laughed. The sleepy talk told me that she had enjoyed her prior evening with friends, but I knew that she wasn't frustrated with me - just aware that I was hyped to have her come. I love my kids for that. I handed the phone to my friend so that she could get the exact CD that was requested and then I talked to her again.

My heart dropped when she quietly said, "Mom, I can't find my passport." Now, understand that my daughter has moved so many times in the last few years I am surprised she can find her head. I know that feeling. My own paripetetic lifestyle has left its imprint for years. But, I didn't completely freak.

God is the finder of lost things. And what a joy to be found!

We prayed to the God of the Universe, the God that cares, the God who is the finder of lost things. Did I know she would find the passport? No, I didn't. But, I prayed and in the midst of the prayer I was so thankful that I knew He knew where the passport was. Whether she found it in time or not - well, it was a point of trusting.

Some might think this trivial. I believe that God cares about even such things as this. He cares about our response to each and every moment of our life.
If you have ever left your family to follow what you believe God is calling you to do. Left them all, and ventured out on your own, to a foriegn country, with a foreign tongue,... and you have the opportunity to spend 7 days with your daughter, whom you have had a total of a few days with in almost a two-year span. It was not trivial. But, I for some odd reason was able to trust that His timing was perfect.

Her brother found the passport and she texted me that it was found. I called her and we shared how thankful we were.
Tonight she texted me to let me know that she was getting on the plane.

Now, I am waiting with great expectation for her arrival. And I thought about how I feel about my expectations of Jesus' return. I am not one that really enjoys studying Revelations. (Don't faint... I am still a missionary) I decided years ago there were so many things that I could not understand about that book, I read it, prayed about it, got the jist, and moved on. He is coming back.

However, in the last few years I have gained a higher sense of expectancy in my spirit. Do I understand Revelations? No. Have I decided to study it? No. But, I am thankful that my sense of expectancy does not create anxiety in me. It simply reminds me that He is always in wonderful fullness - IN HIS TIME.
And because there are lost people in the world, I have a keen desire to share Him. A sense of expectancy for Him to draw them to Him. An eagerness to watch as they 'find' Him. A keenness of His Glory in the moment by moment conversations/prayers/communications. And a HOPE in Jesus Christ - the God that is everywhere and yet in His miraculous way returns!
Anticipation - I'm looking forward to watching God do miraculous things.
I'm looking foward to God...

your mutating missionary.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007


Quotes of the Day from Google August 21, 2007

A person who trusts no one can't be trusted. - Jerome Blattner

I have learned to use the word 'impossible' with the greatest caution. - Wernher von Braun

The test of courage comes when we are in the minority. The test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority. - Ralph W. Sockman

You might have them and read them.
Just found them interesting
mutating missionary

btw: these two photos taken on my own little street here in ______, Deutschland.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

for whom do you pray?

The last few days have been interesting. God has moved me down some paths I don't walk down easily. OK... so He pushed a bit.
After meeting with a friend I sat back on my haunches and scratched my head.
She said something about praying for her to take inititiative to speak about her faith to others. I'm still scratching my head over this one. What an awesome prayer to pray. And I wondered to myself, "When did I do that?"
I realize I did. Oswald Chambers convicted me to pray until we are so "identified with Himself that we are roused up to get His view about the people for whom we pray."
It was about the time that God was calling me into silence and solitude... about the time that my oldest son was in the 10th grade...about the time when God was romancing me in a way I had never been romanced before.
And He romances me still. In this romance He brings people across my daily life that He shares His heart with. I love being in love with God. And I am so thankful that He loves me as well. Who wouldn't want to share this blessed relationship? I think about my oldest son, my youngest son. My youngest fell in love first. He would spend hours listening to a particular song on the computer and just lay on the couch thinking about this girl. He would talk about her. He would just want to be around her. He would tell anyone that wanted to listen how wonderful she was.

My oldest son did the same. But, I lived half way around the world when his romance began. He still talked and talked about his discoveries of this woman. It was wonderful to watch as she unfolded before him.

So, as I think back about my love affair with the Creator of the Universe, I realize, I'm twitterpated!

And being twitterpated allows me to share with anyone that wants to listen about IN Whom I am twitterpated...
So, my question?
Maybe the prayer I will pray for my friend: "That she will fall so in love with Jesus, she can do nothing else but share Him. Because He will be so alive and active in her life - to her amazement - and that her love for Him will actually make her giddy."

Do I have the Joy and the Stamina? I believe that He has given me both. May He hold me close in the next few weeks and months and years that I have the opportunity to share HIM with anyone that I meet.
your mutating missionary

I remember one time, traveling with a friend on the east coast. I sat down for breakfast at a table that served 6. Two people were already there. They began to talk about God. I listened for a few minutes and interupted them... "I am so sorry, I couldn't help but over hear (we were all at the same table) and if you are going to talk about Jesus, well... I just have to talk with you."