Saturday, September 30, 2006


Psalm 131 - Childlike Trust in the Lord - In just 3 verses:

1.Oh Lord, my heart is not proud
(check it MM/roro, is it?
Ponder this - break it down...)
Nor my eyes haughty
(check it MM/roro are they?
remembering my own sin, NO, I can be above no one.)
Nor do I involve myself in great matters, or in things too difficult for me.
(check it MM/roro - do you?
I can't - they ARE to difficult for me, they ARE.
I am a simple woman)
2. Surely I have composed and quieted my soul; like a weaned child rests against his mother.
(check it MM/roro - have you?
This takes time - have I composed & quieted my soul?
or am I just controlled?
I remember one of my children repeatedly coming and resting on me
after he was weaned - I'm glad I have that visual in my mind.
It was such a sweet reassurance to him -
'Yes, Mom's still here, I'm safe. She's here,
She's solid, She sees, I can move forward.'
and off he would run in security.
Yes, God I'm Here, resting on You, I'm quieted, I'm composed
I'm out of control,
You are here -
I check my steps with Your word
I move forward.)
3. O Israel hope in the LORD.
From this time forth and forever.
(Check it MM/roro - where does your HOPE lie?
My hope is in You
You are Hope Filled
You are Hope Fulfilled
forever, and forever, and forever...)
Mutation process
Mutating Missionary

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Big Burly Bloke

Lately, I've been frustrated with evil in the world. Not that evil hasn't frustrated me before, but lately I've seen this fallen world and its 'fallenness' on a whole new level.

I am called into the army to fight in this evil. I am surrounded by it. It brushes up against me and I recoil. It oozes up and I hear the whisperings of deceit, observe the devastation of a defrauding spirit, slip on the reality and finality of suicide.

What is interesting to me? This evil is attacking different locations/cities/churches/countries/families that I know and love. Several have said that we are in the end times. I'm not sure about this - maybe it is - maybe it isn't. Selfishly, I pray for Him to come - but when I really think about it, I really don't want it to be (too many people that don't know Him yet.)

I love it when God brings a passage across our path when we are blinded in our sorrow. I love it when He brings that same passage across our path when we are simply walking down the street. It really gets serendipity when He brings it up in a conversation across the world. And, when we are lucky enough to get an e-mail dealing with the same scripture - if we don't go and look up that scripture and read the context with which God has placed that scripture - WE ARE REALLY STUPID!

I don't want to be a stupid woman - so, I opened my Bible today and pondered on the passage that had been seeping in around my world for the last few days.

In 2 Kings 6

1 Now the sons of the prophets said to Elisha, "Behold now, the place before you where we are living is too limited for us.

2 Please let us go to the Jordan, and each of us take from there a beam, and let us make a place there for ourselves where we may live." So he said, "Go."

3 Then one said, "Please be willing to go with your servants." and he answered, "I shall go."

4 So he went with them; and when they came to the Jordan, they cut down trees.

5 But as one was felling a beam, the axe head fell into the water; and he cried out and said, "Alas, my master! For it was borrowed."

6 Then the man of God said, "Where did it fall?" And when he showed him the place, he cut off a stick, and threw it in there, and made the iron float.

7 And he said, "Take it up for yourself." So he put out his hand and took it.

8 Now the king of Aram was warring against Israel; and he counseled with his servants saying, "In such and such a place shall be my camp."

9 And the man of God sent word to the king of Israel saying, "Beware that you do not pass this place, for the Arameans are coming down there."

10 And the king of Israel sent to the place about which the man of God had told him; thus he warned him, so that he guarded himself there, more than once or twice.

11 Now the heart of the king of Aram was enraged over this thing; and he called his servants and said to them, "Will you tell me which of us is for the king of Israel?"

12 And one of his servants said, "No, my lord, O king; but Elisha, the prophet who is in Israel, tells the king of Israel the words that you speak in your bedroom."

13 So he said, "Go and see where he is, that I may send and take him." And it was told him, saying, "Behold, he is in Dothan."

14 And he sent horses an chariots and a great army there, and they came by night and surrounded the city.

15 Now when the attendant of the man of God had risen early and gone out, behold, an army with horses and chariots was circling the city. And his servant said to him, "Alas, my master! What shall we do?"

16 So he answered, "Do not fear, for those who are with us are more than those who are with them."

17 Then Elisha prayed and said, "O LORD I pray, open his eyes that he may see." And the LORD opened the servant's eyes, and he saw; and behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.

We're in the Army now. We are in the thick of the evil. It doesn't feel good, or look good. We are standing at the door of our tent and saying, "Oh No! While we were asleep the big bad boys came and moved in all around us! - Can we run away?"

And Jesus in His most wonderful Big Burly Bloke voice says, "Don't you see? Don't you know? Do NOT fear. Those that are with you are greater than those who are with them!!!!"

My Jesus IS.

mutating missionary
Praying that we open our eyes that we may see.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

been thinking of a phrase i used when i was in my teen years:

I'm too pooped to pop!

This phrase is to be used when one has experienced so much over stimulation of any type and is really just too tired.

Well, I am there :-)

Anyone else there with me?
Please share

Meine Kopf ist voll!

your mutating missionary

Sunday, September 24, 2006

I am a sinner

I want to run when I encounter sin. I want to climb into my bed, pull the blankets over my head, slide down into a fetal position and cry my eyes out. I want to do this, whether I encounter sin in myself or in someone I love/admire.

I don't like the pain, I don't like the hurt, I am saddened by dissappoinment.

But, reality! We live in a fallen world. We all walk with feet of clay.

We fall down and when we finally cry out to the God of the Universe, He picks us up and sets us aright again. The in between time is the pits.

I've been there in years past - I pray that He keeps me from doing anything too stupid in the future. I've done things that I said I would NEVER do... So one of my mantras for the last 15 years: Oh Sweet Jesus - protect me from myself!

Good grief, I'm a divorced woman that doesn't believe in divorce! And, trust me divorce is one of the least shocking things I have done in my past. I am a sinner saved by Grace.

But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. And early in the morning He came again into the temple, and all the people were coming to Him; and He sat down and began to teach them. And the scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman caught in adultery, and having set her in the midst, they said to Him, "Teacher, this woman has been caught in adultery, in the very act. "Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women; what then do You say?" And they were saying this, testing Him, in order that they might have grounds for accusing Him. But Jesus stooped down, and with His finger wrote on the ground. But when they persisted in asking Him, He straightened up, and said to them,

"He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her."

And again He stooped down, and wrote on the ground. And when they heard it, they began to go out one by one, beginning with the older ones, and He was left alone, and the woman, where she had been, in the midst." John 8 1-9

Stooping down.
Scratching something in the ground.
With His finger.
Guilty in the midst
You/me US! we are all guilty of sin.

Shooting our wounded?
Shame on us!
Dissappointment comes when we place others in positions they do not belong in!
HE ALONE will not dissappoint.
HE ALONE is worthy.

I am a sinner saved by grace -
I am a saint through His holy spilt blood.

mutating missionary

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Important as it is that we recognize God working in us, I would yet warn against a too-great preoccupation with the thought. It is a sure road to passivity.
God will not hold us responsible to understand the mysteries of election, predestination and the divine sovereignty. The best and safest way to deal with these truths is to raise our eyes to God and in deepest reverence say, 'O Lord, Thou knowest.' Those things belong to the deep and mysterious Profound of God's omniscience. Prying into them may make theologians, but it will never make saints.
--A. W. Tozer

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

tests/tough times/temptations

So, tomorrow I have a test. I have spent most of my time this last 3 weeks pounding German nouns and their genders, verben and their conjugations, interesting phrases like 'tut mir leid' and 'schau mal' and even 'Schade' into my brain.

I do not know how my testing abilities will fare. I am not a great test taker. But, this I know. I am beginning to understand SOME of the sentence structure. I make no promises at being a German speaker in 12 weeks, but I do know that God is doing a great work in my brain.

Two night ago, I was down at the Chinese Restaurant with a Pepsi Lite, table strewn with paper, books, German/English Worterbuech and my journal. This last Monday, I found out an old friend of mine had committed suicide. We had been friends in another 'life' - you know... BD - Before Divorce.

It was on the heels of this news that I heard from several other friends and family members of different things going on at home -- these bits and pieces of news ranged from extremely disconcerting to absolutely joyful. My brain felt like the rattlers I remember on the land my parents own in East Texas. I was set to go off! So much to think about.

Suddenly, the words I read from the earlier morning devotional rang in my ear:

"Temptation is a suggested short cut to the realization of the highest at which I aim - not towards what I understand as evil but towards what I understand as good. Temptation is something that completely baffles me for a while, I do not know whether the thing is right or wrong. Temptation yielded to is lust deified, and is a proof that it was timidity that prevented the sin before.
Temptation is not something we may escape, it is essential to the full-orbed man. Beware lest you think you are tempted as no one else is tempted; what you go through is the common inheritance of the race, not something no one ever went through before. God does not save us from temptations; He succours us in the midst of them. (Heb 2:18) Oswald Chambers

My temptation? I have oh so many of them. But at that moment, my temptation was to concern myself with things that were not mine to concern myself with. From the absolutely joyous news, to the frustrating - God had me sitting at a table in Germany, beckoning me to keep my mind on this language learning. I had a choice: allowing the temptation to surround me and drag me down a side-street in my mind... a side street with hissing rattlers! Or, buck up and write the conjugation for sprechen/mochten/mussen/weissen/betretten... one more time!

Sounds like a simple decision. But, truth be told - it is the simple decision that testifies to the greater ones. Please pray for my simple decisions. Let me know how I can pray for yours.

ich muss / du musst / er,sie,es,man muss / wir mussen / ihr musst / sie, Sie mussen (umlaut not available :-)

mutating missionary

Sunday, September 17, 2006


There are a few things that I really like about my body. Now, it must be admitted that it has taken almost 50 years to be able to say that.

I like my hair - it is colored by God. And, I like it long - it makes me feel feminine. Trust me, feeling feminine after being by oneself for almost 18 years rearing a family is a huge accomplishment!!!! giggle.

I appreciate my more than adequate bum - my muscles get me around in this European lifestyle and I praise God that my bum muscles work!

My hands have always been a comfort to me - I never had to work hard on nail care, I have long fingers that can fly over keyboards, and I absolutely marvel at the sense of touch.

I like my eyes - they work so hard for me. And...

I like my feet.


Yes, my feet. I have several family traits that are revealed by my feet. First, I have a second toe that is longer than my big toe. I have been told from early on that this is a sign of strength... I don't know if I believe it or not. I rarely 'feel' strong. In my weakness, my God has been strong for me. I think that is more the case for me, as opposed to my being strong.

I have a slight web in my two second toes, and I have a very strange little toe that has been caught on everything from headboards to ottomans, from stairs to doorframes. My children have spent many a 'shaking head moment' with me, pulling my little toe back into socket because it would be sticking out of the side of my foot at a 90 degree angle! It looks absolutely war torn! But, I like it.

I enjoy my feet. However, on Thursday I did not take care. Running up the steps at die Bahnhof (the train station) trying recklessly to catch the tram for class, I tripped and fell forward. It was a quick moment of hesitation and I continued on, up the steps, on the tram, into the classroom. After unloading books, pens, pencils, notebooks, wordbook, workbooks, and an apple for snack, I began to feel a slight throb in my big toenail. By the end of the day, the throb had turned to pain. I have toenail polish on my toes, so I could not tell if there was damage - but it sure felt like it. I came home, took the polish off and found my toenail was mangled. It was filled with this purple/blue/black color. I might loose a toenail. I have been dealing with the reality that I am vain about my toes. I never realized it before, but God has been talking to me about feet ever sense.

Feet: stink when they are in the same shoes too long and haven't been taken out and washed!
Feet: grow longer after every child
Feet: get a beating and are rarely appreciated
Feet: Christ washed the feet of the disciples
Feet: how beautiful are the feet of those who 'bring Good News"...

Feet: CHRIST is the ONLY one whose steps are worthy to follow - all other people's steps are simply men's; men who have clay feet like yours and mine. Putting our feet in their footsteps (i.e. desiring to follow them, be like them, think like them, ... you know the drill) simply reveals our own lack of wisdom. Love 'em - don't follow 'em.

Feet: Following Christ: now there are some feet worthy of following! And what a journey!

Your Mutating Missionary
Following where Christ leads

Friday, September 15, 2006


"The great crisis comes spiritually when a man has to emerge a bit farther on than the creed he has accepted."
Oswald Chambers

Monday, September 11, 2006

September 11

I live in a place that doesn't necessarily like the US of A. Some people are very fond of us, others can't stand us. They are not shy about voicing their opinions. I know that some of you will be surprised about this, but it only comes up when they ask, "Wo kommen Sie?" Where do you come from? When I say, "Ich komme auf den USA." I hear one way or the other. Then, when I announce I am from Texas! WHEW!!!!!

I have lived an entire September 11 with not one person talking about it. I on the other hand, stopped when I dated my Hausaufgabe (homework) today. Slipping that pen over my right hand side of the paper, crafting the September 11 in my best handwriting, stopping and praying for those that still slept in my home country; I sighed.

I have a class of 7 Japanese, 1 Tunisian, 1 Italian, 1 Columbian and me! It was interesting.

September 11 holds many memories. A dear friend lost her baby around that time, several hardships occurred with other loved ones.

Today, another sad remembrance was added - Hearing from a friend from my past (she is my youngest son's god mama!) I learned that her ex-husband had committed suicide in June.

The news affected me in an interesting way. I did not flinch, I just felt a weight in my heart. He had been angry with God for years. I am sad that he choose to take this route.

Aligning this information with September 11?????

News about death on September 11 - leaves one numb.
Knowing that God is in control - allows one to praise Him in the midst of the assault.

Your mutating missionary.