Thursday, November 17, 2005

You make all things NEW!

Here in the states our thoughts are centered on a wonderful heartfelt holiday, Thanksgiving. The Pilgrims and Indians are celebrated as the turkey is carved and Indian Corn is snuggled into centerpieces, slipped into door decorations, or simply stacked upon a stoop to welcome those family and friends that are encouraged to come and visit. We like our holiday of history.

Yes, we Americans love our Thanksgiving. We smell it on the horizon. It is the time that allows us to overeat, to play in the leaves, to drink apple cider and crack pecans while settled in front of the bube tube for an afternoon of football. It is Thanksgiving. A time to stop and recognize all that this great country, this great place called home, has offered us. We have family, friends, communities, churches, schools, and even clubs that give us comraderie and a sense of belonging. We have homes, cars, motorcycles, bicycles, and even skate boards that allow us to be mobile. We can be reached anywhere at any time by our cell phones and can get away from anyone with our nano ipods. We are a thrilled with our position in the world - and yet don't recognize that many of those looking in on us are not that impressed. We are a singularly secular society. My question... could it be that Thanksgiving is calling us to more?

Even though we call ourselves Christian - even at this time of thanksgiving we are quick to argue, justify, or deny things that need to be addressed. We would much prefer settling into our past, without confronting the problems that are seeping into the very fabric of our culture. I too would like to just sink into denial. I too would like to single this day out to focus on enjoyment. But, reality sets in. If I am truly a Christian set here on this earth to glorify God - than simply existing in the status quo cannot be sufficient. I am called out beyond the boundaries of what appears good. I am called to dig into the truth of not only my countries history, but of my faith's history, of my family's history. Why? Because without standing in truth we cannot make the needed changes and heal in the light of our Lord!

It is a bit uncomfortable to grow. It is not easy, not fun, and sometimes messy. But it is GOOD. We are called to grow, called to change. ONLY the God of the Universe stays the same. He wants us to allow those we love to work through tough memories. He wants them to struggle and in the struggle know that they are being prayed for.

Within the struggle, God the wonderful maker of all the universe makes all things NEW!

This blog this day is dedicated to those families that are in the midst of the struggle of family change. Those that are willing to get messy and look at the past, encourage each other in the present, and embrace the future. I know that I am praying and loving my parents and siblings in a different way than ever before.

May yours be aware of your desire to allow them to change, grow and become who God designs them to be - as you yourself do the same -- May my family join in this rejoicing of the new and recognition of the glory of God in the midst of this Thanksgiving season 2005.

Mutating Missionary's desires for this Thanksgiving (last one in USA for a while)!

Thursday, October 27, 2005


Numbers have never been my forte. I don’t particularly like them – even when they don’t deal with percentages! I used to hate numbers; after reading Dr. Joseph LeDoux’s, The Emotional Brain I came away exchanging my negative outlook for a more positive and richer view point. Not to say I like numbers, but I at least don’t have that clammy hand feel, eyes going blank, and hair standing on end when standing at the cash register, wanting to write a check for over the amount anymore! Giggle.

But this 90% thing has been a buggabear! I know that God has a reason for all things that He does in our lives. But this amount has loomed in the offing for quite a while. I have caught site of it several times during my journey to get on the field – but, it has always alluded me.

You see, at 90% I can begin to look at actually moving to Europe – at 90% I can finalize the plans. I can do this at 90% -- but, oh there is one more thing that has to happen…
I have to have an outgoing fund raised in total!

I am praying that this outgoing sum comes in quickly. You see, I opened my appointee roster tonight. For the first time in the monthly earned column under my name it didn’t have 15%, 50%, 75%, 78% or even 82%.

That nine and that zero lay snuggled by that percentage sign – and I copied it off for posterity!

Mutating missionary

Monday, October 17, 2005

cellophane -

I have had God wrapping me in cellophane = cel·lo·phane = a thin, transparent waterproof material made from wood pulp and used for wrapping and covering.

OK maybe he hasn’t been wrapping me in the kind of cellophane defined in the dictionary – but it has certainly felt like I was being wrapped in cellophane!

First, I have been squished. You know how you place the cellophane on the bowl and you tighten it over the lip of the bowl. You slip your fingers around it and slid your thumb under the edge (giving it that ‘just right’ touch) to seal in the freshness! Granted, it hasn’t felt like He was sealing in the freshness, instead – it has felt like He was digging deeper to remove any grout from around the edges!!!!!

Second, I have been probed. Remember when you stop just before you put the bowl in the fridge and you touch the top of the cellophane to see if it is still sealed? Yep, that is God with me of late! He has probed my motives. He has searched my heart. I am in His clear view. I am open and exposed. I am sealed in HIM and can handle the prodding only because of that.

Third, I am overwhelmed with my weeping. As you take that bowl out of the fridge, and stick it in the microwave to re-heat, the moisture collects on the top of the cellophane – even if you slice it slightly; it collects. I am weeping. Weeping in the car. Weeping in the shower. Weeping while cooking dinner. Weeping before dear female firefighters come over to be mentored. Weeping during the worship service. Weeping during the teaching. Weeping before meetings. Weeping. It should be embarrassing, but not really. Why?

Why am I weeping?

God has asked me to check my motives for going to Europe.
My motive? To teach ‘how to teach inductive bible studies’ to believers that would like to share with others about who God is.

Perhaps. But, I think that God has wrapped me up tightly in the last few weeks. Tightly enough that I have questioned and come away knowing that I am still called…

My motive? To serve. I desire to serve, my boss, the women of GEM, the women of Europe, the women of greater Europe. I desire to serve. I know that I am serving right where I am. But my heart aches for those that don’t have a Bible study on every corner; those that don’t have a church on every street; those that don’t know Him. Those that are empty, void, attempting to seek so many other things to replace the One and Only God that seeks them. I pray that He will allow me to be used.

I don’t bring perfection. Just a steamed bowl of me! Broken, poked, prodded. Loving Him more than family, friends, church – I desire to serve.

mutating missionary

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

What more needs to be said tonight?

1Peter 4:8-17
To sum up, let all be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil, or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing. For Let Him who means to love life and see good days refrain his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking guile, and let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are upon the righteous and his ears attend to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil. And who is there to harm you if you prove zealous for what is good? But even if you should suffer for the sake of righteousness, you are blessed. And do not be troubled, but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence; and keep a good conscience so that in the thing in which you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame. For it is better, if God should will it so, that you suffer for doing what is right rather than for doing what is wrong.

Friday, October 7, 2005

Preconceived Ideas

Our culture – or should I say the Human Culture struggles with preconceived ideas. We have preconceived ideas about the people we meet. We make huge assumptions about their personality, their likes, their dislikes, and even their doctrinal belief systems.

I am reminded of an opportunity I missed several years ago, because of a preconceived idea about me!

The Rocky Mountains beckoned me from my 'red chair' haven. They called to come, and I went. I settled into Denver for a few days visiting with my dear friends, and scheduled a day trip into the mountains with another friend that had moved to Denver from this area. Right before the day we were to travel over the pass, his car needed repairs. He called me the night before the planned event, “Well, I thought I was going to have to cancel out on you. I tried to find someone that would be able to lend me a car; I don’t know if you will be OK with this, I got a Jeep!”

“A Jeep? How fun!!!!!”

After a second of surprise he continued, “Yeah, the only other thing available was a friend’s motorcycle.”

Disappointment escaped my lips, “Oh, now that would have really been exciting. Traveling over the pass on a motorcycle! WOW!”

“What?” shock escaped his, “I would never have taken you for a motorcycle girl.”

We went in the Jeep and I was happy. We stopped and gathered water from springs, escaped into several hidden scenic spots, and I was even able to capture a wonderful pastel drawing of the sunset. Do I wish I could have experienced the same day sitting on a motorcycle! Dang Skippy! – I am a wild woman! Giggle ;-)

Pre-conceived ideas!

We come with pre-conceived ideas about God as well. We determine what He looks like, how He is, what He does, all by what WE think He looks like, acts like, IS like! We like to think that we can control who God is.

Without digging into His Word, we make assumptions. Or we find one or two scriptures, remove them from context, and determine who He is from those. Whole doctrines have been built on these pre-conceived ideas.

Now, the real purpose of this blog spot is a thought that crossed my mind in the wee hours of the dark comfort of the night. This thought was confirmed after I read Oswald Chambers this morning, so I thought I would share…

We even come with pre-conceived ideas of ourselves!!!!!

Now, what do I mean by that? We are reared by fallible parents, trained by less than perfect teachers, and chided by more than cynical peers in our formative years. We make assumptions about ‘who we are’ as people.

God desires to be our filter with which we see ourselves. He made us, knows our frame, our strong points, our weak points, our foibles -- as it were. By seeing us through His filter we have a better understanding of ourselves. Our gifts are designed by HIM. When we understand that we are transformed at the moment of our salvation we enter into the New Covenant that allows us to be who He designed us to be – getting rid of the tapes that roam through our heads of our own pre-conceived notion of who we are, is a life-long endeavor.

The Truth is, when we accept the free gift of salvation given us on the cross, God sees us completely whole and holy and we enter into relationship with Him! This is the Good News! He has come to Redeem the world. The problem with the world isn’t sin – it is the heredity of sin; the heredity of sin has been conquered for each and every one of us. The problem in the world is that we as individuals have not received the free gift that was offered at Golgotha, and those of us that have, still live like we haven’t!!!!

“Sin is a fundamental relationship; it is not wrong doing, it is wrong being, deliberate and emphatic independence of God. The Christian religion bases everything on the positive, radical nature of sin. Other religions deal with sins; the Bible alone deals with sin. The first thing Jesus Christ faced in men was the heredity of sin, and it is because we have ignored this in our presentation of the Gospel that the message of the Gospel has lost its sting and its blasting power.

The revelation of the Bible is not that Jesus Christ took upon Himself our fleshly sins, but that He took upon Himself the heredity of sin which no man can touch. God made His own Son to be sin that He might make the sinner a saint. All through the
Bible it is revealed that Our Lord bore the sin of the world by identification,
not by sympathy. He deliberately took upon His own shoulders, and bore in
His own Person, the whole massed sin of the human race – “He had made Him to be
sin for us, who knew no sin,” 2 Corinthians 5:21 and by so doing He put
the whole human race on the basis of Redemption. Jesus Christ
rehabilitated the human race; he put it back to where God designed it to be, and
anyone can enter into union with God on the ground of what Our Lord has done on
the Cross.

A man cannot redeem himself; Redemption is God’s “bit,” it is absolutely finished and complete; its reference to individual men is a question of their individual action. A distinction must always be made between the revelation of Redemption and the conscious experience of salvation in a man’s life.” – Oswald Chambers

Am I walking and talking in my own pre-conceived notion of who I am? Or, am I walking and talking as the woman that God made me to be! A saint, wholly cleansed, firmly planted, and amazingly gifted BY HIM! May GOD be glorified at this miracle that He has done.

I don’t know about you, but I want to learn more about that, I want these tapes of Redemption roaming around in my head!

May God Be Glorified in His Redemptive Power!

Because He IS the I AM, i am,
a mutating missionary

Thursday, September 22, 2005

family & friends

I'm tired. I have friends and family that are trying to get out of the Houston, Beaumont area. I have offered my house. It is a haven - but will it even be able to be used? The phone has not stopped ringing. I'm not sure that sleep will come tonight.

The roads are parking lots.


Does one loose their job if their employer won't let them leave? i.e. airports? We all know that airports are important to help people evacuate. What about those few that stayed and went to work - overwhelmed by the job - but realizing that they needed to be there or others would not be able to get out -- How many more cars would have been on the roads if the airports had shut down earlier then they absolutely have to. What of those courageous souls that go in to work - because they are either feeling like it is their job and responsibility; or because they are afraid of loosing their jobs.

Once again I lean on that truth that He is good.

Tonight when I close this computer I am thankful that I have learned to trust Him. I'm not so sure that I have always enjoyed the ride... :-) But, I can sure tell you that I'm thankful that I'm on the ride and not sitting on the sidelines.

Does it make it more real because of Katrina -- well, I have a better understanding as to why more people didn't leave any sooner than they did.

Please pray for the people of the Gulf Coast -- those that have left, those that are leaving, those that are stuck.

a mutating missionary

Monday, September 19, 2005

Hope - life through the lens of God's Goodness!

I've been hearing a lot about hope these days. On the news there is discussion of the lack of hope for Hurricane Katrina victims on one day; the incredible awareness of the new hope in a new life (at a distance from the cycle of poverty and generational deficiency) on another.

Yesterday, I shared with a friend a memory of my wrestling with the truth that God is Good. I questioned the wonderful attribute of goodness found in a God that both gives and takes away.

I remember exactly where I was when I decided to receive this truth, to own it, to not question it any longer, to make it a part of my thought process in what was happening in my life at the time. It was not a particularly good time. Things weren't zipping along smoothly. In fact, life was pretty putrid. And I chose to receive the reality and truth that God is good -- and that being the case -- what was going on at the time, was good. Not fun, not enjoyable, not even pleasant. But – good… for me, my kids, and all those involved. Why? Because He IS ALL goodness and in that there is HOPE.

That was the moment that my heart caught up with my mind and I could sing in all honesty, "My hope is built on nothing else than Jesus Christ"What a wonderful truth that we have a sure hope in our future because of Him and who He is --- GOOD.

This truth changes the lens with which we view our lives.


Tonight, questions rise up out of my being. Questions concerning certain family members going through tough times... But, once again God reminds me of His Goodness and I get kinda' excited to see how He will work it all out.

Yep, God is Good and Hope in Him is assured. -- life through the lens of God's Goodness!

a mutating missionary

Thursday, September 15, 2005


I enjoy a challenge. I learned a new word, while reading the textbook assigned for the eschatology class I am enrolled in, down in the Big 'D'.

Philology: love of learning & literature.

This describes several of my friends and me (I confess… I confess… I confess…). So, would we be philologits? or philologists?

We are gluttonous when it comes to books/reading/learning, etc. This particular textbook has approximately one word per page that requires me to hoist that dictionary, kept beside my 'red chair', into my lap and decipher the meaning. I usually use this reference book because of my dyslexic spelling skills, but it is coming in handy on an entirely new level!

My daughter is joining me in the class. In fact, it was her idea. I grabbed another friend of mine to join us; the ‘girl’s night out’ took on a whole new meaning!

Simultaneously, another friend (a glutton not only for books/reading/learning – but for punishment as well – giggle!) sent me this e-mail last night.

"Wanna know what kicked me during Chaucer class tonight?

That "feeld hath eyen and the wode hath eres."
It is ful fair a main to bere hym evene
For alday meeteth men at unset stevene.

Translation?: Keep yourself in balance because we often keep appointments that we've never made. HMMMMM...."

Now, that is some vocabulary! Not exactly the language I'd expect being bantered about on the lawns of San Antonio!!!!! Como???? (I looked for the upside down question mark and never found it)

Got any vocabulary you want to share?

Also, if anyone knows where my counter went on my blog -- please share... it just disappeared this afternoon... anyone know if it is just playing hide-n-seek; or if it has truly gone AWOL and will not be returning.

a mutating missionary - not particularly a whiz at 'techno-knowledge' (another confession--- hummm!!!)



The smooth sax
slides over this room of souls
tampering with our hearts
as her voice
joins the ivories
tantalizing twists
'What Will I Tell My Heart'?

Tuesday, September 13, 2005


Dogma? Doctrine? Opinion?
What are really truths that we cannot deviate from? (Dogma)
What are personal convictions that we have determined from study of the word? (Doctrine)
What are simply opinions brought on by our family involvement, church affiliation, state we are reared (i.e. TEXAS :-), and even our country's particular stands? (Opinion)

So, what do you think are some of yours?

a mutating missionary

Friday, August 26, 2005

College - Can I remember?

The school bell is ringing once again.

Kids are back in school and it is time for the sidewalks to be filled on the corners of each elementary, middle, and high school between 3 and 4:00 every week day. There is a bit of nostalgia drifting across me, as I read the blogs of those taking their children to different class levels.

Some of my friends are walking into elementary school for the first time and dropping off their babies in Kindergarten. Some are forging forward into Middle School traumas, or High School glories.

I got a call last night from Colorado. One such mom was so excited. We have been talking about this day for months. He, her oldest son, went to meet his teacher and take his pre-reading test. Mom has been a teacher. In fact, she was teacher of the year, one year. She is an incredible woman. Has a home that Martha Stewart only dreams of, because she creates it with love, kindness, honesty, and God. She is not a cookie cutter mom, or Christian. She is REAL and beautiful. She knows her son is ready, but it is hard. She has one younger. And at moments like these, she misses the one she lost in between. But, she is thrilled! Now, the phone is handed to her son. They are outside enjoying the cul-de-sac middle class suburban life. Mom hails him to stop and talk to "Ms. _____". He proceeds to give me about two seconds of "It was great, the classroom is really big, and we will be studying lots about animals and stuff. I'm really busy right now riding my scooter, so I've got to go! Bye, I love you Ms. ____!"

Mom is remembering the days.

I have another friend in Texas. (Wildly enough, she knows the teacher above - her kids went to the above teacher's school when said teacher lived in Texas.) Now, interestingly enough this friend is packing her oldest child off for college this year. They left yesterday to get her into the dorm. Now, the daughter is a bit apprehensive and more excited about the roommate situation than anything else. Well, that and grieving the reality that she is leaving the fella’ that she just met, and would like to get to know better, back here at home! (Don’t you just hate it when it works out that way ;^?)

This mom is so excited about being an Aggie Mom; which for those of you unfamiliar with this status means that she is just carrying on with the tradition of PTA mom. They will return without their daughter on Sunday, and this family will climb into their lakeside home and find a huge hole in an upstairs bedroom.

Mom is remembering the days.

A few days ago I sat in a huge arena. My ex-husband sat on the other side of the arena with his wife. With family and friends all around me, I watched my children walk across the stage to receive their diplomas. My son graduated Cum Laude at 9:00 am and his older sister (who graduated at 2:00 pm with letters on her board screaming “’03 FINALLY”) were drained, elated, and done. My son’s young wife and her family, friends of the family, family, my firefighter son, and I sat with wide appreciation for the hard work each of them had demonstrated. There was merriment, hugs, pictures, laughter, fun and of course, ICE CREAM! ---- They dunked their senior rings (an Aggie tradition – for those who don’t imbibe in a pitcher of beer). I drove home the next night, leaving them to their own responsibilities; their own celebrations.

Tonight, this mom remembers the days.

I’ll miss them, BUT – Dang Skippy, it’s DONE and they all DONE GOOD!


By the way – My daughter was interviewed and the ’03 FINALLY on her board was in the newspaper the next day along with her quote!

Who’duh thunk?
Looks like we are all mutating!

mutating missionary

Wednesday, August 24, 2005


I was at a Starbucks today waiting for a 4:30 appointment.

Familiarity is a great comfort. I've traveled to Colorado stopping along the way for a coffee and clean restroom at a Starbucks. I even have several Starbucks ‘long distance’ locations that I don't tell anyone about; I can go and work without seeing anyone I know... Not because I don't want to talk to anyone, but because I do.

I enjoy the hospitality of a Starbucks.

Today, while I was waiting for my appointment I took a few minutes to people watch (one of my favorite pastimes). A fella’ flew in from a nearby store and reeled off an order of drinks that made me question if he needed a red wagon to cart them away. Then his eye caught the two attractive young women sitting right behind me. He laughed and told them they had just missed having a free drink. It appears that he was taking a drink to anyone in his store at that moment and these girls had just left that store to come and kick back in relaxing chairs to cool off! (I silently questioned if the AC had collapsed at the other establishment… oh what a pity.)

But no, the fella’ proceeded to talk and question the girls. They laughed about the fact that Starbucks in the Dallas area was ‘The’ place to get a coffee. There was discussion of other places offering better, (i.e. New York, East and West Coast, Denver…) He soon bought them a snack and left, holding drinks in carrying cases that would have daunted the common man.

I like Starbucks. I love that one can sit for hours and imbibe in a character study, or a mystery, or work on one's computer undisturbed. I’ve even gone in and taken my own water – spent nary a penny and accomplished much. I don’t sneak in – I tell them up front… the hospitality never fails. They have won my patronage because of this. It is a great meeting place.

Starbucks – I wonder. Do they have Starbucks in Europe?

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Unconventional Healing in Unconventional Ways creates Uncomfortable Response

John 5

Jesus went out to eat in Jerusalem. He was headed for a party, a joyous occasion, a feast!

Coming into Jerusalem, He passed Bethesda. Now, Bethesda was a place of miracles. People came from all around to basically live by this pool of healing. This was a site of interest. Today, when someone experiences something miraculous we do the same thing. We gather at the site. People come in droves to see the spot where something miraculous has occurred. Some come to bring their hopes of healing, others to observe, and some even to criticize. But whatever the case, people come in droves. Bethesda was no different.

Waiting for the angel to stir the water, some people lived in hope.

There was a man – a man by the wayside – a man waiting – a man hoping. This man needed help to slide into the pool. He couldn’t even get to his feet to walk to the pool when the water was moved. He was left at the mercy of those around him; the people around him had none. Most people were there for themselves, their pain, and their hurts. But, there were those that were there to observe.

There are two basic ways to observe the multitude hurting:

Review the hurting from a distance, whether it is your own or someone else’s.
Respond to the hurting up close and personal, whether it is your own or someone else’s.

And Jesus forces us in this passage to realize that there are two ways we can respond, either by:
receiving the hurting/hurt
resenting the hurting/hurt

Recently, I attended a worship service in Baltimore, Maryland. The location of this particular church was in the midst of a drug infested environment. While driving to the service, my friend pointed out a particular corner that is considered the worst in Baltimore.

Grand boarded up ornate edifices daily blink away their tears, as drunken or drugged men slip off of the once preened marble steps. An almost audible sigh slips through the sagging sidewalks, as a young woman dressed to please receives the ogling and clutching of an old man dressed in money.

This is hurting at its core. This hurt refuses to admit that it is even hurting.

I am a passerby.

I enter the church.

The purple carpet soaks me into its plush reception. Beautiful faces filled with love and excitement, receive me. I enter the halls of the hurting, the halls of the hurting in Him. The response is different in this place. Faces shine, clothing sparkles, and kindness explodes. The crowded room soon allows the men to rise and relinquish their seats to hats and high heels. The water is stirred and some jump in. But the message is for the multitude. The message is ‘Rise take up your bed and walk.’ Now, let me make it clear. This was not the message being preached with such candor and fervor… but it is the message that I see before me. The angel’s touch only healed one at a time. Jesus heals ALL who take up their bed and walk.

What is our response to the hurting? To our own hurting? Do we receive it, or resent it?
Or, are we so oblivious that we coldly review the hurting? Coldly review our own hurting?

And Jesus says, “Rise, take up thy bed and walk.” No matter what the day, the time, or the season. He offers.

What does all this mean? – Just food for thought.

I have oh, so many questions. – He alone has answers.

Because He is the I AM, i am
a mutating missionary

Thursday, August 4, 2005


Peculiar defined by Webster
1. of only one person, thing, group, etc.; exclusive
2. particular; special
3. odd; strange.

A Peculiar Person...

Today, during a conversation with a dear friend [parent of one of my graduated second grade students, wife of a military man (that was alone for a year while he was in Iraq), godly woman, and daughter of a Baptist minister], used these words to describe me.

She said, that her father used to look at people that were following God in an unusual way and exclaim to them, “________ you are a peculiar person for the Lord!”

The word caught my attention. First of all, it is a fun word. It is nestled right on the same page with pecuniary (of or involving money) and pedagogue (a teacher) - two words that bring much emotion to my brain.

I am thankful that she clarified herself. I might be a bit worried about that whole ‘odd; strange’ definition. Yet, I know that I am a bit odd. Some call me eccentric. I like that better than odd; but, odd I am!

I am foolish for a time as this. I am strange.

I have opened my eyes in the middle of the night and looked into the deep darkness of my room. What am I doing? Spending an entire year in that orientation process for the mission, flying overseas and connecting with women that are from a different culture, desiring that they know and love God, quitting my job as an elementary teacher (a profession that I thought I would continue until the day I died!) selling my home, leaving my children????? Oh my, the peculiarity of it all!

And yet, I cannot do anything other than – follow Him.

A few weeks ago, I sat across from a new friend and now co-worker. I observed this woman that smuggled Bibles during darker days; this woman that glistens when she speaks of Jesus. This woman I will spend more and more time with in the future. These are the type of peculiar people I will be joining.

She smiled as she shared a truth that I am beginning to understand.

“It is much safer to be in the most dangerous place in the world in the Lord’s hands, than in suburbia, if you are called to go!”

There are those that are called to go, and those that are called to send. It appears I am one of those peculiar people that are called to go. What I know to be true; that I have been peculiar for a long time. I have friends that are peculiar. Friends right here in this place.

I met with one last night. She is intelligent, self-confident, kind, a great mother, a supportive wife – but she is peculiar. She loves watching how God moves in her life. Watching how He orchestrates the most intricate details of her daughter’s dance lessons. Seeing His hands as she trusts Him to provide more money to give to others that are ready to go, she readies herself to stay or go, whichever way He calls. At present, she rests in the knowledge that she is called to send. It will be interesting to see if God changes her ‘peculiarity’ as He did mine.

Are you peculiar?

Are you a peculiar person?

I wonder if Paul was considered a peculiar person. What about Daniel? Timothy? Peter? Mary? Deborah? Ruth? Phoebe? Priscilla? The list goes on…

From one peculiar person to many others! ;^D

Titus 2:11-14
"For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men
Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world;
Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Savior Jesus Christ;
Who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works."

A mutating missionary

Monday, July 25, 2005


I'm stuck. No wheels. Not a good time to call people. Waiting for the real estate agent - selling my house. Questioning why the car has to act up right now.


Missionary? I've been one for as long as I can remember.

Missionary Defined -

Webster defines Mission - 4. The special duty or function on which a person is apparently destined in life; calling.


aren't we who love God, desire to serve Him, enjoy scribbling ideas about Him, delight in singing praises to Him, aren't we --- missionaries?

Whether gardener, teacher, mechanic, home executive, student, doctor, and even/perhaps especially lawyer - those called to Him; aren't we missionaries?

Your land locked
mutating missionary

Complement - friend or foe?

I received a complement

One of those complements that sets you back on your heels. It fell upon me like a whisper – then a big gong!

It was a moment of sitting back and saying, “Wow, you thought that?”

And then, self came in and within another moment I was pretty heady over the thought that someone thought ‘that’ about my __________.

These were my responses.

"Oh my." "Oh giggle." "Oh what a hoot." " Oh my God!!!!"

I’m thankful for the process we sit in. We meet a complement, receive an award, or encounter a victory, and we are surprised by it. 'It' might be a wonderful surprise. Then, we get excited. Wow! We did 'it'! (Whatever ‘it’ is.)

Of course, if we are real with ourselves, we come to grips with the truth fairly quickly; ‘it’ was a gift from God. And finally, we fall on our face and cry Glory to the Son of God who might be able to use us in some amazing way. That process of grappling with our humanity is a good thing.

I wonder if the process of sanctification is simply the amount of time it takes for us to get to this point. I know that it used to take me years, now I am thankful that it doesn’t take me that long – hummmm I hope not.

I’m so thankful that Jesus is praying for me.

“When Jesus had spoken these things, He lifted up His eyes to heaven and said, Father, the hour has come. Glorify and exalt and honor and magnify Your Son, so that Your Son may glorify and extol and honor and magnify You.

[Just as] You have granted Him power and authority over all flesh (all humankind), [now glorify Him] so that He may give eternal life to all whom You have given Him.

And this is eternal life: [it means] to know (perceive, recognize, become acquainted with, and understand) You, the only true and real God, and [likewise] to know Him, Jesus [as the] Christ (the Anointed One, the Messiah), Whom You have sent.

I have glorified You down here on the earth by completing the work that You gave Me to do.

And now, Father, glorify Me along with Yourself and restore Me to such majesty and honor in Your presence as I had with You before the world existed.

I have manifested Your Name [I have revealed Your very Self, Your real Self] to the people whom You have given Me out of the world. They were Yours, and You gave them to Me, and they have obeyed and kept your word.

Now, [at last] they know and understand that all You have given Me belongs to You [is really and truly Yours].

For the [uttered] words that you gave Me I have given them; and they have received and accepted [them] and have come to know positively and in reality [to believe with absolute assurance] that I came forth from Your presence, and they have believed and are convinced that You did send Me.

I am praying for them. I am not praying (requesting) for the world, but for those You have given Me, for they belong to You.

All [things that are] Mine are Yours, and all [things that are] Yours belong to Me; and I am glorified in (through) them. [They have done Me honor; in them My glory is achieved.}

And [now] I am no more in the world, but these are [still] in the world, and I am coming to You. Holy Father, keep in Your name [in the knowledge of Yourself] those whom You have given Me, that they may be one as We [are one].” (John 17: 1-11)

I’m thankful that Jesus is praying for me

If you belong to Him, He is praying for you too!

Because He IS the I AM, i am,
a mutating missionary
the operative word here is... mutating :-D

Saturday, July 23, 2005

God goes before us

John 10:27...
...He goes before them
and the sheep follow Him
for they know His voice

I'm selling my house.
I love my house - it has been a source of encouragment, a safe haven, a bubble of love, albeit a money pit.
I love my house - He is going before me to move in ways that I do not understand. At the beginning of this journey I was only going to rent it.
I will follow Him
I know His Voice.
I trust
I walk
I cry
I sing
I know that I know, that I know, that I know.

"The sheep that are My own hear and are listening to My voice; and I know them, and they follow Me. And I give them eternal life, and they shall never lose it or perish throughout the ages. [To all eternity they shall never by any means be destroyed.] And no one is able to snatch them out of My hand. My Father, Who has given them to Me, is greater and mightier than all [else]; and no one is able to snatch [them] out of the Father's hand. I and the Father are One" John 10: 27-30

"and no one is able to snatch them (His sheep) out of My hand...and no one is able to snatch [them] out of the Father's hand."

His sheep hear His voice.
Baaa - Baaaa - Baaa -

a sheep listening for The Still Small Voice

because He IS the I AM, i am
a mutating missionary
Yes, I am

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Cause or Christ?

What am I sold out to?

Such an easy question, right? In retrospect I see that there have been times during my life where I thought more about the cause than Christ.

Similar to the statement that I have made many times, "I believe in the Bible"

When thinking about it, "I don't believe in the Bible. I believe in the person Jesus Christ, Son of God, one of the three combined in the Triune God! The Jesus Christ that the Bible teaches us about. He and He alone do I believe!" It is always important to lean the ladder of faith upon the Solid Rock. As God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit - this is the God I desire to be sold out to. Not a cause, not a feeling, not a higher power --- GOD!

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

some thoughts from my journaling

The Faithful Watching With Him

How can I watch WITH You, God?
How can I?
How can I?
“You can’t,” He whispers, “I can. Only with me IN you, can you observe life WITH Me.”
Life is thorny. It is wonderful, beautiful, glorious, and thorny. Watching life as a journeyer is something I enjoy. But what did it cost when the disciples were asked to watch with Him? I read of that fatal night in Matthew 26. The night the disciples swore they would never fall away from Him. That night He warned “before the night was done” Peter would deny Him three times. His request to Peter and the sons of Zebedee—“My soul is deeply grieved, to the point of death, remain here and keep watch with me.” He returns after relinquishing His will to the Father to find them sleeping. He addresses Peter, “So you men could not keep watch with me one hour?” It does not read, could not keep watch for, but with. I am running to Him of late and crying out, “Oh God, how can she make this choice?” Entering into the grieving with Him for a sister is arduous. Without Him, I cannot do it. And yet he encourages me to pray for those brothers and sisters that are in dangerous places; to confront them in love; to grieve with Him over them. This grief is taxing, strenuous! But it is harder still to enter the grief of the cross; to enter the knowledge of the cross; the deciding moment of hell or heaven for man on this earth. My heart grieves for those rushing rapidly to hell. Individuals - refusing to look, receive, and accept the blood that was spilt; the life that is available; the only escape from hell. Praying now for the faithful, may we enter into the watch WITH Him.

Monday, July 18, 2005

The Sheep

"The sheep that are My own hear and are listening to My voice; and I know them, and they follow Me. And I give them eternal life, and they shall never lose it or perish throughout the ages. [To all eternity they shall never by any means be destroyed.] And no one is able to snatch them out of My hand. My Father, Who has given them to Me, is greater and mightier than all [else]; and no one is able to snatch [them] out of the Father's hand. I and the Father are One" John 10: 27-30

I've been meditating on this verse for awhile. I encourage you to consider it,

Monday, July 11, 2005


So many things are roaming around in this noodle of mine. First of all, I have the need to scream -- LIBERTY!
I know that after sending my nephew off to Iraq one more time I am more aware than ever of our Liberty here in the U.S. - we are so willing to fight for it in the political arena, in the social arena -- But, what about Liberty in our Christian Communities?

We are not held under law. This is incredible news. I recently sat in a wonderfully filled church - a church that knows and praises God. This church, like my own home church, is well known for its grace theology. The pastor is world renowned and one of those speakers that every speech teacher could use as an example of a compelling, enjoyable orator. This place is fantastic. The love is so apparent. The sermon was taken from Galatians where Paul is questioning why the church has gone back to legalism. The pastor quickly makes it clear that we must not do that in our churches today, in our relationships today. We are not called to sit in judgment on others and determine what they need to do or not do. He used a little story to get the idea across. It struck me because it was a true story about a missionary. It appears that the missionary and his family had come home from the field due to some really sad interrelationship problems on the mission team. The family had always loved peanut butter and they had a friend that knew this from the states. The friend and supporter determined to send the family peanut butter monthly from the states as an encouragement to them. The family used the peanut butter on special occasions and enjoyed it. Well, news got out amongst the other missionaries and it was determined that this couple was not following God because they had peanut butter from America. It was determined that if they did not give up the right to receiving the peanut butter they would be unable to be received as spiritually mature and there were horrible problems that began to arise. The couple, not seeing anything in the word against eating peanut butter continued, but began to hide the fact. Finally, under so much duress the couple packed their family up and returned home. They were unable to fight for the right to liberty in their own home. Funny story, huh? Funny as long as it is not wine, or T.V. or movies, or dancing. or smoking tobacco, or any other of our own pet peeves. Not those things that are specifically mentioned in the bible - those things that we have determined to legalize in our churches.

Now, why do I bring this up? Well, just a few Sundays ago, my own pastor brought up the question of liberty in the church (better known as Grace). His point was also interesting. He said that he has always been a teacher of Grace. For the last 25 years his message has been the same. Years ago, he was received with one of two responses...
first - Oh my goodness, do you mean that God accepts me just the way I am, loves me, and desires to know me one on one? How can I please such a wonderful, loving God, all I want to do is please Him. -- This brought about an act of loving service.
second - Those that were furious about the idea had a tendency to be angry because they were held under the law and could not get past the idea that we as saints are completely covered by Grace and need only to accept Him and He will change us from the inside out. These people did not receive the information with joy. But today, he said that when people hear this information about Grace, their response is, "Oh, that's nice"; or, simply a shrug and a non-caring attitude. Why? He contends that it is because we do not understand who God is. How could we be concerned about being cleansed, overjoyed at the thought of being considered by God as holy, completely clean, when we don't even get that we are dirty?

Holy, God is Holy!

Once again I stop in amazement at the reality that God is God – we are not. God is graciously offering us an opportunity to enter into a relationship with Him. Finding out that He is who He says He is. This is the most exhilarating study in life.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Goals – Be careful what you set your sites on

Well, goals of blogging weekly obviously did not come to fruition. Past month?

God in His graciousness has allowed much to unfold in my ongoing journey toward this unknown resting place.

Why do I call it an unknown? Because living in God’s plan is always an unknown place for us to live. We are safe only because He knows where He is guiding us.

Why do I call it a resting place? Because true resting can only be done in Him.

Hospitals are never fun. I have seen only a few from the ‘bed’ position. This time was no less nor more enjoyable. I entered after my firefighter son insisted upon it. After extensive tests I found that I am heart healthy! This was not a bad thing to discover, especially since I am about to embark on a new life in a far away place. However, it was taxing on my children.

Upon leaving for Colorado for a visit with my supervisor visiting from Europe, I found that my ex-husband had been hospitalized for a heart attack and had to have a quadruple heart bi-pass. In the last few weeks, I have been very aware of my children’s being my Achilles heel. And Satan knows it. I would ask for you to pray a prayer of protection over them. They are being hit on all levels – each one on their own and then together when it comes to me and to their father. Can you imagine having you mom go in for extensive tests and then your father go in for heart surgery the very next week? They are a bit side-swiped! Once again, they must remain placing God as their focus and their home.

The room that I sit in has 3 computers going. It is late at night, the house is quiet and I sit in Colorado with a fantastic family of fellow computer crazies. They are much defter at this type of medium. I, none the less, desire to rub shoulders with them in this room filled with technology and brimming with brain power. I hope some of it rubs off!!!!

Each time I enter this domain I find another intriguing book to look into. This time I pass my dear friend’s desk and find lying there in an unassuming posture a book entitled Stop Setting Goals if You Want to Solve Problems by Bobb Biehl. Looks like I will be skimming this one before I head back to the Springs for the facilitator’s training.

It brings me to the wonderful question of goal setting.

In our world, goals and goal setting are encouraged. I don’t know if this book will deal with several questions I have on the wisdom of this worldview; I will find out after reading it. But before I do, I would like to ponder some ideas with you.

1. How can we make goals in areas for which we have no control?
2. If we are goal oriented people, does it behoove us to make goals when we cannot be sure they will come to fruition?
3. What is the result of failure to achieve goals for those that are goal oriented?
4. Is there a better, more positive way to live?
5. Would stating desires and holding them loosely, recognizing that God is the master designer, a better and more realistic way to live?

From this woman that set a goal in her head to blog weekly – after a month of family difficulties (that God gave us courage to recognize/address/release/heal), medical issues (that proved to be important but not hindering), and traveling job commitments (that gave me just what was needed to move forward). Was it me in control? Nope!
But, God WAS – IS – WILL BE!
Praise Him in His ways and His workings.

A mutating missionary

Thursday, May 26, 2005


This facet of spiritual life is one of increasing interest to me. Why? Well, if truth be told I find that I cannot move through life for very long without offering up a prayer. Now, some have questioned me as to how I pray. I think that this is an interesting question because I have lived my life in a mode of prayer – yet, up until I began teaching Bible studies this question was not coined. Basically, what that tells me is that many people live life in a mode of prayer, but since they aren’t in a leadership position only they and God are aware of the relationship.

For me prayer consists of thoughts being offered up either at a designated time, or at moments of intimacy during the day. I pray in a big red overstuffed chair that reminds me of something Scarlett O’Hara might have enjoyed in the Old South. I snuggle in during the wee hours of the morning, or the late hours at night and lay out my day, or replay my day with God.
The morning time is fairly scheduled – I read the word, read my devotional of choice My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers, take out my prayer list journal and read off the names of the people that are nearest and dearest to me. There is nothing too spiritual about the list – just the reality that I’m a ‘woman of little brain’ and I must write everything down.

But, that leads me to the other type of prayer that I find myself praying. That moment by moment prayer that comes over me at the oddest times. Sometimes this comes when I see a child reach up and take their mom’s fingers in the grocery store – reminding me of how much of a child I am in my daily walk with my Lord and I cry out, ‘Thank you my Lord for ALWAYS being within my grasp, always being gentle and tender even in your discipline, never leaving me or forsaking me, being faithful and trustworthy, being the ‘parent’ to this sometimes wayward child. Not depending on me to hold on to You, but holding on to me and never letting me go!”

Or, when I am sliding across icy concrete and I marvel at His handiwork in the snow crystals that are cascading from the sky. Just think the Hand that made this winter wonderland chose to make us. He could have had relationship with the trees, the animals, but instead he chose to make us the receptors of His relationship. What an incredible God we serve.

Or, when I make a huge blunder, either in relationship or in some project I am attempting to complete, I wrap myself up in my bed covers and cry myself to sleep searching the Bible for words of comfort and encouragement. I cry out to Him and He slips His loving arms around me and comforts me in the most amazing ways.

When people walk away from me saying that they don’t need to pray because God is in control and He is trustworthy and there is nothing that they need to pray about, I feel sadness for them. I think that it would make me very sad to be in a relationship with a husband that I never talked to. What is relationship? It consists of a give and take of communication, working together, sharing each other’s thoughts and desires, as well as fears and concerns. God chose to send His son before the foundations of the earth were ever made. He ordered this world for relationship and in that recognition I find it interesting that we would only see Him as our Creator. He is that and so much more. He is God Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. He meets us on every level of our lives, physically, emotionally, mentally. When looking at the men and women of the Bible we see that God was involved with their lives. They were normal everyday people like us. They had no hidden powers, no extra portions of spirituality poured in. In fact, God makes it very clear that they were failures in areas of their lives, just as we are. However, what He also makes very clear is that they were either in relationship or out of relationship with HIM. We find it with the men and women that write insightful books, i.e. Tozer, Chambers, Lewis, TenBoom, Heald, and Moore. They are simply people that walk in relationship with the Holy One.

May talking to HIM become a wonderful exchange of life and love. Prayer is us talking to Him; His word is Him talking back! Hummmm this sounds like communication, interchange, could it be relationship?

Prayer = us talking to the lover of our soul. I encourage you to fall in love with Him – it is a relationship that will never falter, never waiver, never grow old, and never become stale.

I wonder…
What would your friend, your husband, your wife, your child say if you asked them how they pray?

Because He IS the I AM,
i am
a mutating missionary

Friday, May 20, 2005


It’s 3:23 am. I’m up on an internet site looking up blogs of friends and supporters. Why?
These thoughts are roaming around in my head…
- My youngest son got married to the most wonderful woman one week ago today. The wedding was quaint, glorifying to God, a celebration to our family, and a celebration to my daughter-in-law’s family.
- Things I learned during this time:
o nothing matters as much as God being glorified in a wedding; no matter how hard you try people get their feelings hurt during a wedding, even though many people wonder if it is not a better idea to elope – weddings, when done right, are an important melding of two families. I am proud to be melded with my daughter-in-laws family; it doesn’t matter how hard you try, all weddings worth their salt will have some sort of trauma going on!!!! (i.e. relatives from Michigan drive for 20 hours to get here on Thursday, go out in friend’s boat on Friday during the afternoon, have boat break down and fry while trying to get back to shore and the wedding on time – not fun / but memorable)
o The choices we make have long-term consequences. I have an ex-husband. We have long since given up acting like 2 years olds when we celebrate a moment with our children. However, I was sad for him during this wedding. He said goodbye to us in 1988. That is 17 years ago. He divorced me and remarried another woman in 1990. That is 15 years ago. He has been a father as much as a father can be when one is not in the moments of living. (A bit of clarification… it matters not whether or not a person cares, wants to be, or says they will be – if a person is not in the moment by moment living with the ebb and flow of LIFE they cannot know a person. In the movie SHALL WE DANCE. The wife of the man who is learning to dance says something like “marriage says that you are committed to a person enough to take notice of the everyday events” i.e. the trip to the cleaners, etc. It is the same with families. One must be committed enough to a family to take notice of Life in all. Without that commitment we just don’t know each other. I was sad for my ex-husband. He didn’t know the triumphs that my children had experienced, the glories that they had shared with God, the people that had invested into their lives, the memories that had been seared into their brains. He was on the outside looking in – even though we tried to include him, he felt it. These are the times I sit back and know that relationship consequences must be the hardest.
o On that same note. My son and his new wife made a wonderful statement of consequences. They chose to remain chaste until their wedding day. Now for those of you that don’t know that olde word chaste – it means that they were virgins. They made decisions all along the way (and they dated 5 years) to be cautious about their boundaries. i.e. physical, emotional, friends, time, personal – all these boundaries in place in healthy doses helped them. During the ceremony they openly exchanged their chastity rings for their wedding rings. Now they are reaping the wonderful consequences of JOY and PEACE in their beginnings. I am thrilled that God was glorified.

Because HE IS the I AM
i am
a mutating missionary

Friday, May 6, 2005


Can you believe how many of them there are this time of year?

Today is an interesting date: 05-05-05!
Why does this remind me of weddings? Back in '77 my sister encouraged my ex-husband and I to get married on a weeknight so that we could have a wedding date 7-7-77. I've never forgotten that lost opportunity - but we stuck with 7-9-77, a Saturday wedding that was 'normal' instead. What a pity.

My youngest son marries his high school sweetheart at 7:00 pm exactly one week from tomorrow. My youngest son.

I'm doing a lot of recalling lately... You know

1st Birthday
1st lost tooth
Boy Scouts
Middle School
Trombone - 2 Trombones - 3 Trombones
Shoes...Bigger Shoes...Bigger Shoes...Biggest Shoes in the house
High School
Calling her after she accepted Christ as her Savior to ask her out on a date (because I wasn't OK with him discipling her) ...
(((exact dialogue: or at least pretty close thereabouts!
"Mom, I've really been thinking about it, and praying about it. And I think that it would be a really good idea if I discipled _____! You know she's just become a Christian. And well, I think that since I've got her in my math class, well, I think that it would really be a good idea for me to do that. What do you think?"
"I DON'T Think so."
What follows? A look of total dejection from 17 year old young man in mom's bedroom red chair - shocked and a bit shaken at mom's response.
"Why not?"
"Oh come on. You know that sooner or later you would dissappoint her and then she wouldn't be mad at you... She'd be mad at GOD! If you really want her to be discipled then think about asking a girl to disciple her. It is never a wise idea to disciple the opposite sex."
"Ohhh..." completely set back.
"Now, if you want to date the girl...Call her up and ask her out!"
"Of course."

And there you have it. Courtship of two of the most incredible young people that I have ever known in all of my life. A courtship that glorifies God. Others have observed them from afar and said that they wished for a relationship as healthy.

They have given each other room to breath, to grow, to stumble, to question, to be angry, to be sad, to be happy, to be apart, to be together, to be faithful, to be pure and chaste, to be real, to be silly. They have taken long walks when the money was tight, watched the sun go down on the front lawn, laughed a lot and cried when necessary. They have made a concerted effort to keep their friends as friends and not block them out of their lives - trying not to become tunnel visioned in their own relationship. They have talked until my son had no more words in him (sometimes that was only 5 minutes - lately it is hours). They have desired to serve God together. They have encouraged each other to have boundaries with their friends, their families, and each other. WOW! What a celebration we will have in one week. Five years after that first phone call!

Humm it is no longer 05-05-05! This day has ended and I am thankful to God for the wonder of my son, my to-be-daughter-in-law and my other 2 children that are encouraging and gracious as their only little brother walks down the aisle into this love of his life. May they be blessed to be a blessing - May God be glorified to all the nations in this blessed covenant - and May we all enjoy a great big party in 7 days!

And may nothing about this day be 'normal' - adventurous yes - normal never!

Because He IS the I AM, i am
a mutating missionary

Wednesday, May 4, 2005


I’m blogging?
Me – this 48 year old woman who only two years ago was dragged into the 20th century by signing up for a cell phone account after having my daughter give me one that was passed down to her from someone else. (this is not a typo, I meant 20th) I’m blogging. Now, am I on the cutting edge? I doubt it. I’ve wanted to do this for several years. The first time I considered it I was standing in our youth pastor’s office while he explained how incredibly easy it was. I stood there, glassy eyed over his shoulder, as he deftly zipped the cursor here and there. I got most of it, but knew it would escape the grey cells soon, so I whipped out a notebook and began to take notes. Coming home, I carefully placed the notes in a folder titled My Blog Info. Several days later, when I had the time, I sat down to create my own blog. It was going to be easy, right? I entered the site; everything went smoothly until the request for a title came up. A TITLE??? Panic set in. A title? Oh dear, I need to be witty in a title, no maybe it should be contemplative, or perhaps playful. A title…
I promptly navigated out of the site and moved on with my life – leaving the folder on my desk for later perusal.
Soon stacks settled on top of the vanilla colored gift of knowledge, and the gray cells couldn’t even remember what the abbreviations were that I had scribbled down. But, did I get rid of it – NO! I wanted to enter the blogging world – it became something I discussed with several of my friends. Many of my friends have young people in our youth group and many of them read the youth pastor’s blogs finding them fun and enlightening. Several have gone on and left it in the wayside because it is simply too much writing for them. One in particular (a very dear friend) is amazed at how she feels it almost voyeuristic in its makeup. And, it is in a sense. Placing ones thoughts in a public realm for picking through, peering at, postulating over. (Even as I type the word postulate I wonder if I am frustrating someone that is reading this). And then I laugh. Who is going to read this? Sure, I’m hanging out here on this cyber page – but who would actually invest time in --- I digress.
Yesterday, a wonderful woman sat with me at a Starbucks, that still has internet availability that can be plugged in to a telephone line (thank goodness for that 20th century staple) and helped me set up my blog. The night before, I was quite panicky. We had made a quick decision on Monday to do this on Tuesday because the day was amazingly light for both of us. Now, I was faced with the TITLE. Settling in to my cocoon of covers on Monday night still nothing had come to me. Then, just as AW slipped up from his comfortable all night location at my feet to his “get up and feed me” location at my shoulder on Tuesday morning it hit me. I thought about it during the shower, pounded it on the computer after dressing, met her for coffee and ‘blog creating’, and this morning am quite thrilled with this new ritual that I will attempt to set into my life.
Funny thought came to me this morning as AW’s gentle paws hooked themselves over my side-sleeping shoulder, his body gently rumbling that low purr, I wondered…
Do you think that God had trouble deciding on titles for each of His books before the development of time???? Giggle
PS I don’t know that I can, nor want, to make a commitment of a daily blog – let’s just see where it takes us.
Because He is the I AM, i am
A Mutating Missionary

Tuesday, May 3, 2005

process in progress

Never Changing/Never Ceasing Change

Think about it…
God is immutable
He never changes – within His makeup is stability. He made change, is outside of change, and looks down from His throne upon change.

We on the other hand move from moment to moment – or if we are into today’s terms nanosecond to nanosecond - unable to remain the same. Time is constant, change is constant.

There are positives and negatives to this reality. My friends are quite involved with this thought at this time in our lives. We laugh about needing to pull out our reading glasses to read the menu at Chili’s. We gleam with pride at the pictures of our grandchildren we send in our e-mails to our friends and relatives – now just think about that for a minute WE DON’T JUST HAVE E-MAIL! WE USE IT! And of course being women, we are constantly discussing ‘The Change’. (Fellow bloggers please do not be offended by the reference to estrogen, or should I say the lack thereof, that comes about in this change.) We laugh at our bodies, try to find solace in the camaraderie of it all – but IT is scary.

We remember the days of our childhood, when 10 seemed to be so far away, a number in the offing. After blowing the 10th candle out, nothing slowed down from there. Soon we were questioning the changes that were happening in our bodies. Unable to discuss them with anyone because it was just ‘not discussed’ we forged forward much of the time in complete chaos. We didn’t understand why we looked like women and the guys (sometimes standing a foot under us) still looked like boys. We still felt like girls, or did we? There were subtle differences within our groups. The ‘in’ crowds and the ‘outs’. But we were ALL changing.

Then dating or not dating came in with all its insecurities and fears. Some of us slipped into the misconception that the changes our bodies had gone through gave us some type of freedom to use them in anyway we could – anyway that ‘felt’ right. Many of us slipped into dreaming of changing from Miss to Mrs. and thought that that would settle us – secure us – seal us! Talk about misconceptions!

I myself moved 38 times in 32 years. Granted some of those were from my parent’s house to a dorm – but when we are talking about change and moving being change we must count those as well. Since then I have moved 3 more times albeit within the same area. But, just ask my youngest son who lost his best friend in the last move – changing from one house to another ­i­­s a move; i­­­s shaking; is change.

All that said, and I probably will come back to this thought many times in my musings, CHANGE is actually one of the most frightening constants in our lives.

As a woman I deal with the fight within myself of the ‘what ifs’. You know the ‘what ifs’. What if Sara finds out I like Johnnie? What if he’s ‘The One’? What if I’m pregnant? What if I loose my job? What if my husband looses his job? What if my husband leaves me? What if he doesn’t?

I believe that men play this game as well, but being a woman I can say it with all confidence – we women live in our brains at least 3 months in advance.

One of the most incredibly peaceful attributes of God is His immutability. God IS. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. He is the only thing you can hang your hat on that won’t fall down, blow over, or deteriorate! God is God!

This mystery/reality and the mystery/reality that Jesus was/is 100% GOD and 100% MAN are two of the most impacting truths in my life. These two truths lead me to the understanding that if they were true (which after many years of digging, digesting, and agonizing I came to a certainty they are) then what else is more important than sharing Him with others? Why keep this peace-love-joy to myself? Why not share the wonder of Him to the neighbors? Why not share it with the strangers that come across my path? Why would I not want EVERYONE to know this? And that was the deciding factor in this appointed missionary’s past that spurred me into signing on the dotted line – missionary appointed to Europe.

Welcome to this blogspot where I will place the musings of a mutating missionary.

May God be glorified in this safe place of questioning, quandary, and quipping.

Because He IS the I AM, i am
A Mutating Missionary