Musings of a Mutating Missionary

Have you heard your Manifesto from God? I have...

2012-02-15T05:53:00.000-06:00

The Lion Chaser's Manifesto

Quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death. Set God-sized goals. Pursue God ordained passions. Go after a dream that is destined to fail without divine intervention. Keep asking questions. Keep making mistakes. Keep seeking God. Stop pointing out problems and become part of the solution. Stop repeating the past and start creating the future. Stop playing it safe and start taking risks. Expand your horizons. Accumulate experiences. Consider the lilies. Enjoy the journey. Find every excuse you can to celebrate everything you can. Live life today as the first day and last day of your life. Don't let what is wrong with you keep you from worshiping what is right with God. Burn sinful bridges. Blaze a new trail. Criticize by creating. Worry less about what people think and more about what God thinks. Don't try to be who you are not. Be yourself. Laugh at yourself. Quit holding out. Quit holding back. Quit running away. Chase the Lion!
Quote from: Mark Batterson - In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day

In Genesis 13 Abraham finds himself in a pickle. He has left his family, left his home, traveled into foreign territory. He has come into a dangerous place (great famine in the land) and instead of trusting God used his own resources and plans. (i.e. Tells Pharaoh that Sarai is his sister/ Pharaoh takes her as his wife and God punishes Pharaoh).
Consequently, Abram and his family and all his belongings are escorted (I would imagine not so pleasantly) out of Egypt by Pharaoh's men.
So Abram went away from Egypt and back to Negev "as far as Bethel, to the place where his tent had been at the beginning....to the place of the alter, which he had made there formerly; and there Abram called on the name of the Lord."

Interesting that the very next thing that is written is about Abram's fall-out with Lot. It looks like Abram is answered by God with another problem. Another relationship problem. There is strife between Abram and Lot's herdsmen. Separation was discussed. Abram desired to separate instead of create dissension between one another. And then he gave up the choice land to Lot because Lot asked for it. And they end the relationship for peace.

And then God adds to His original promise that He made to Abram.

And the Lord said to Abram, after Lot had separated from him. "Now lift up your eyes and look from the place where you are, northward and southward and eastward and westward; for all the land which you see, I will give it to you and to your descendants forever. And I will make your descendants as the dust of the earth so that if anyone can number the dust of the earth, then your descendants can also be numbered. Arise, walk about the land through its length and breadth; for I will give it to you." Genesis 13 14-17

I think this was Abram's version of the Lion Chaser's Manifesto...

"and there he built an alter to the LORD." vs. 18

What manifesto / life-stance have you heard from God? Have you been listening? Have you built your alter in remembrance? Are you returning to the beginning and finding out?

Because He IS the I AM, i am
your mutating missionary
and ebenezer

PS
Manifesto: A Manifesto is a public declaration of principles and intentions, often political in nature. Manifestos relating to religious belief are generally referred to as a 'creeds'. Manifestos may also be life-stance related.

Question? life story

2012-02-13T11:11:00.000-06:00

I'm reeling a bit -
I just found out this morning about a movie.
Praying as God brings forth stories, produces fruit and allows us to bloom in this family, right where He has called us to be.
Prayers coveted.

May God be glorified.

Because He IS the I AM, i am
your mutating missionary
and ebenezer

ps flight back to Germany in one month... YIPEEEE!!!!!!! .... sorry... just had to stop and do the happy dance for a moment C:

Am I still wearing the fig leaves? Or have I got on a fur coat?

2012-02-09T07:23:00.000-06:00

Entering into the Word this morning I was drawn back to Genesis 3. That horrible chapter that began it all. That chapter that separates us from the relationship of innocence and intimacy with the Most High God. That fatal moment when Man determined his own way and cast himself into uncharted and unprotected waters. That moment when everything changed.

I remember watching one of my favorite movies "Riding in Cars with Boys" - there is a line in the movie that quotes the book the heroin has written about her life. I cannot remember it word for word, but the jest is something like this: Have you ever noticed that all of your life can be whittled down to just a few major decisions you made in a moment?

Another movie that I love that deals with this is "Sliding Doors" - I think I can relate to these thoughts because that has been my own life. Often when walking down the roads of life, even to this day, I must stare stark into the reality that my life would have been different if I had chosen differently. I don't grieve those choices as much as I did in my younger years, but I still must acknowledge them and recognize them - in fact much of ministry oozes out of them. These are learning curves, decided moments of life and character building choices. But that said, they are hard lessons, can be destructive, and often destroy our character instead of build into it.

I think my choices lead me down a path of acceptance only because of this particular reality found in Chapter 3 of Genesis.

After choosing such a horrendous way - a way of disobedience and death - Adam and Eve hid themselves. God calls out to them and encourages them into relationship with Him by asking, "Where are you?" (as if He didn't know already! guffaw!!!!!)

Then you know what comes next: The couple clothe themselves in fig leaves, come out and Adam plays the blame game with Eve and God curses both the serpent and the woman. Then he turns to Man and heaps a curse that we all deal with today - HARD WORK and not taxes, but Death!

Then Adam, as if saying he is sorry to his wife, gives her the name 'Eve' because she is the mother of all the living! Some might say that he should be angry with her because she talked him into doing the deed that results in the fall. But then we get into the reality that #1 God gave the direction directly to Adam not to Eve and #2 God put Man to care for Woman not be controlled by her. Man's job where women are concerned is to care, protect ... ohhhh I can't get sidetracked on this one - that is another entire other lesson to learn.

And finally my thought:

God reaches down and slays a lamb for these shamed individuals. He does this. He spills the blood. Such a foreshadowing of the covenant of covering Sin through the cross. The Sin that separates us from relationship with Him. The Sin of our rebellion.

He spills the blood of the lamb and places the wool over these two shamed - shamed - running away and hiding shamed children. He replaces the uncomfortable, inadequate fig leaves for the luxurious fur coat. The fig leaves that would soon dry and become sticky and then decay, for the wool that would stay and be covering in beauty, softness and warmth - as well as durable.

He looked past the shame of Adam and Eve and chose to give them more than they could give themselves. After admitting their fault, after coming out from behind the trees and owning up to their disobedience, He comes in and in His quiet Love surrounds them with blessing over their wildest imaginings! He covers them.

I am wading in His warmth this morning. I am overwhelmed with the Quiet Love that only He can afford. I am thankful this morning. Because of this spilling of blood, the Christ Jesus, I can exit a life of shame and enter a life of wonder!

Thankful for my life. Thankful even for the choices I have made. Thankful for this relationship He pours out over me.Thankful for His forgiveness, His protection, His provision. Thankful for His quiet Love. Thankful.

Because HE IS the I AM, i am
mutating missionary

and ebenezer

2012-02-03T07:11:00.001-06:00

Preconceived Ideas

Our culture – or should I say the Human Culture struggles with preconceived ideas. We have preconceived ideas about the people we meet. We make huge assumptions about their personality, their likes, their dislikes, and even their doctrinal belief systems.

I am reminded of an opportunity I missed several years ago, because of a preconceived idea about me!

The Rocky Mountains beckoned me from my 'red chair' haven. They called to come, and I went. I settled into Denver for a few days visiting with my dear friends, and scheduled a day trip into the mountains with another friend that had moved to Denver from the Dallas area. Right before the day we were to travel over the pass, his car needed repairs. He called me the night before the planned event, “Well, I thought I was going to have to cancel out on you. I tried to find someone that would be able to lend me a car; I don’t know if you will be OK with this, I got a Jeep!”

“A Jeep? How fun!!!!!”

After a second of surprise he continued, “Yeah, the only other thing available was a friend’s motorcycle.”

Disappointment escaped my lips, “Oh, now that would have really been exciting. Traveling over the pass on a motorcycle! WOW!”

“What?” shock escaped his, “I would never have taken you for a motorcycle girl.”

We went in the Jeep and I was happy. We stopped and gathered water from springs, escaped into several hidden scenic spots, and I was even able to capture a wonderful pastel drawing of the sunset. Do I wish I could have experienced the same day sitting on a motorcycle! Dang Skippy! – I am a wild woman! Giggle ;-)

Pre-conceived ideas!

We come with pre-conceived ideas about God as well. We determine what He looks like, how He is, what He does, all by what WE think He looks like, acts like, IS like! We like to think that we can control who God is.

Without digging into His Word, we make assumptions. Or we find one or two scriptures, remove them from context, and determine who He is from those. Whole doctrines have been built on these pre-conceived ideas.

Now, the real purpose of this blog spot is a thought that crossed my mind in the wee hours of the dark comfort of the night. This thought was confirmed after I read Oswald Chambers this morning, so I thought I would share…

We even come with pre-conceived ideas of ourselves!!!!!

Now, what do I mean by that? We are reared by fallible parents, trained by less than perfect teachers, and chided by more than cynical peers in our formative years. We make assumptions about ‘who we are’ as people.

God desires to be the filter through which we see ourselves. He made us, knows our frame, our strong points, our weak points, our foibles -- as it were. By seeing ourselves through His filter we have a better understanding of ourselves. Our gifts are designed by HIM. When we understand that we are transformed at the moment of our salvation we enter into the New Covenant that allows us to be who He designed us to be – getting rid of the tapes that roam through our heads of our own pre-conceived notion of who we are, is a life-long endeavor.

The Truth is, when we accept the free gift of salvation given us on the cross, God sees us completely whole and holy and we enter into relationship with Him! This is the Good News! He has come to Redeem the world. The problem with the world isn’t sin – it is the heredity of Sin; the heredity of Sin has been conquered for each and every one of us. The problem in the world is that we as individuals have not received the free gift that was offered at Golgotha, and those of us that have, still live like we haven’t!!!!

“Sin is a fundamental relationship; it is not wrong doing, it is wrong being, deliberate and emphatic independence of God. The Christian religion bases everything on the positive, radical nature of sin. Other religions deal with sins; the Bible alone deals with sin. The first thing Jesus Christ faced in men was the heredity of sin, and it is because we have ignored this in our presentation of the Gospel that the message of the Gospel has lost its sting and its blasting power.

The revelation of the Bible is not that Jesus Christ took upon Himself our fleshly sins, but that He took upon Himself the heredity of Sin which no man can touch. God made His own Son to be sin that He might make the sinner a saint. All through the
Bible it is revealed that Our Lord bore the sin of the world by identification,
not by sympathy. He deliberately took upon His own shoulders, and bore in
His own Person, the whole massed Sin of the human race – “He had made Him to be
sin for us, who knew no sin,” 2 Corinthians 5:21 and by so doing He put
the whole human race on the basis of Redemption. Jesus Christ
rehabilitated the human race; he put it back to where God designed it to be, and
anyone can enter into union with God on the ground of what Our Lord has done on
the Cross.

A man cannot redeem himself; Redemption is God’s “bit,” it is absolutely finished and complete; its reference to individual men is a question of their individual action. A distinction must always be made between the revelation of Redemption and the conscious experience of salvation in a man’s life.” – Oswald Chambers

Am I walking and talking in my own pre-conceived notion of who I am? Or, am I walking and talking as the woman that God made me to be! A saint, wholly cleansed, firmly planted, and amazingly gifted BY HIM! May GOD be glorified at this miracle that He has done.

I don’t know about you, but I want to learn more about that, I want these tapes of Redemption roaming around in my head!

May God Be Glorified in His Redemptive Power!

Because He IS the I AM, i am,
a mutating missionary

This is a reposting of a post I wrote on October 7, 2005
It is a good reminder to me as I stand at the doorway of my returning to live, work, testify, mentor, and do all under the humble recognition that He has redeemed me. I am Redeemed - The death of Sin has lost its sting. Even in my daily life - I enter in.

Because He IS the I AM, i am,
your mutating missionary
and ebenezer

Can you be interrupted?

2012-02-02T06:14:00.001-06:00

"Any miracle that Jesus did was when he was on the way somewhere and got interrupted by somebody. Make time for other people in your life." read this on Facebook from someone quoting Joyce Meyers.

"I myself have found that the moments in life are stitched together by my Creator and my observance of His handiwork allows me to be party to the stitching of other people's lives." RREubanks.

Listen, Hear, Observe, Worship in Wonder

2012-02-01T10:50:00.003-06:00

"Be silent, all flesh, before the LORD; for He is aroused from His holy habitation." Zechariah 2:13

Dwell in the Land and Cultivate Faithfulness

2012-01-25T21:29:00.000-06:00

Gratitude about dwelling:

1. when you dwell you know where things are
2. when you dwell you have balance and rhythm
3. when you dwell you sing a song of settled
4. when you dwell you have peace from within
5. when you dwell you don't have to wander
6. when you dwell you can rest

Gratitude about faithfulness:

1. when one is faithful ... hummmmm interesting

"The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with His love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zeph 3:17

2012-01-25T00:33:00.000-06:00

"The divine assurance thundering through the ages is also a divine invitation:
"I am with you -- will you be with Me?"
This dynamic is the absolute unifying center of the Bible. Every story in the Bible, no matter its twists and turns, wheher the human characters are trustworthy or untrustworthy, whether the story is sad or happy, is built on this clarion call to relationship, "I am with you - will you be with Me?" Richard Foster

This has me gripped into stillness.

In pondering the questions of love and loving my neighbor. In pondering how can I do this 'loving' better? I come up on this quote and it stops me from moving forward. I have a wonder at the God who IS. I am in awe of Him. He has showed up so many times in my life - I am often reminded of the Israelites in the desert. Wandering and being stopped by the cloud until they were to wander again. Well right now I am stopped.

I believe that it is impossible to love without knowing who it is you love. I know that the more I know Him the more I fall in love with Him. I don't want to know the Bible - I want to know the Triune God, the 3 in 1 God, the Bible reveals. The relational God that said:

" Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness"Genesis 1:26

The God that wanted relationship with Us. The God that came down to Us. Immanuel - God with Us.

He asks me to enter into a divine invitation. I have no idea what that will look like. Will I show up?

Will you?

Because HE IS the I AM, i am
your mutating missionary
with Ebenezer

2012

2012-01-23T15:47:00.000-06:00

ausgeglichen = balanced

its 2:18 am

2012-01-19T01:25:00.000-06:00

This past week found me driving half way across the USA. I left DFW on Thursday of last week. I arrived in Baltimore last evening. This morning my dear friend gifted me with a massage. I haven't been right since. I have been all mushy... I'm pretty mushy anyway, but this mushy is a deep in the body mushy. I slept through lunch, through dinner, and through the evening. I got up and listened to a few songs on Pandora Radio, answered a couple of e-mails and settled in for sleep early. Sleep came. Wondrous sleep. But now it is time to continue sleeping and I, admittedly, am tired - very tired.

But I have songs on my mind - and life on my mind - and the bible I love in the truck outside - unable to get it. I would wake up the house. So, I go to the internet and find Bible verses - still awake. I read some blogs - still awake. I read some journals I've written on the computer. I start the new blog that I have wanted to start. I tick and I tock... but I sleep not.

This doesn't happen to me often. I must admit - sleep comes to me easily. I have often wondered at my blessing in that area. But, tonight. Much too much on my mind. Too many impossibilities I am laying at my Father's feet.

He knows. I know that. But, I must lay them down. I think it is time to climb up on my boxcar train and meet my Big Burly Bloke. Here I am Jesus - hold me.

because HE IS, i am
mutating - mutating - mutating missionary
& ebenezer

I wonder what God has in store for us.

Quotes - sometimes it cannot be said any better:

2012-01-13T22:21:00.000-06:00

Life with God by Richard Foster:

"The legalism of the Pharisees is an expression of bibliolatry -- a rigid adherence to the letter of the Scriptures, devoid of the presence of the Spirit, which makes a virtual idol of the Scriptures. Our God is not the Bible, but its living Author:

"You search the scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; and it is they that testify on my behalf," said Jesus. "Yet you refuse to come to me to have life" (John 5:30-40)."

Oh Father, bring me into the place where LIFE is imparted from the reading of the word.

your mutating missionary
& ebenezer

window reflections

2012-01-07T03:05:00.000-06:00

Free to be me?

Really?

I believe that my purpose is to glorify God forever

and amazingly enough when

glorifying Him

I will find freedom to be me.

The me that I can be completely.

The freedom that doesn't apologize for my quirkiness - but does apologize for my wrongful behaviors. Deep apologies - heartfelt apologies - complete apologies... Apologies that come with a desire to change and not enter into those wrongful behaviors again.

I want to be like a window.

I desire to be transparent to those around me. I desire to drop the brick walls and the distances.

Could I ever completely do this? Not without the wonderment in the reality that even in the midst of my failures the God Who IS made me to be a reflection of Himself - He wants to reflect Himself through my life. He wants to. Could I give Him permission to do this? What holds me back from allowing it? It is a moment by moment decision - will I reflect Him back into His own glory?

These windows make me happy.

They are like the eyes of those that I love - they share only what they feel safe in sharing.

Father - help me to reflect your Glory back to YOU! Let the reflections of my heart be transparent as you clean the window of my very being.

Remind me that I enjoy the lines, the reflections, the sights, the sounds, the pleasure, the sun, the raindrops, the snow, the flowers that burst, the smiles, the wings that windows afford me to observe.

Why do I love windows?

I mean really?

What do they represent to me?

I take many pictures of windows, of doors, of gates.

Windows represent my desire to be transparent

Doors represent my thought-need to protect my heart

Gates represent my boundaries.

Boundaries, I have learned over time, need to open and close with Wisdom-hands

Thank you God for transparency
for possibilities
for striping me of all and giving a voice to share -
Your freedom is available to the open.

your mutating missionary
and ebenezer

2011-12-30T08:11:00.000-06:00

I travel.
I travel with my job in Europe sometimes.
I travel at least 3 times a year there.
I have been known to travel more.
But this year I am ready to stop traveling and the travel is not at an end.
I leave in about 2 weeks and travel from the middle south to the north east of the huge country we call United States.
I have 2 planned stops. I am not willing to travel the over 24 hours with Ebenezer alone in one shot. I have done that in my life - not now.
So I travel to the sweet southern state of Alabama, stop for a few days. Travel to that lazy town of Charlotte, stop for a rest, and then meander on up to Baltimore, Maryland.
I am blessed to travel and see those that I will see along the way.
But I am not looking forward to the travel.

I long for my own bed. I long for my wonderful luxurious red chair. I long for my tiny fridge and freezer. I long for my balconies. I long for the windows opening to the blue sky. I long for the irritating middle of the night walks in the freezing cold weather when Ebenezer decides he can wait no longer for morning. I long for evenings at Wilhelm Straße 3. I long for mornings waking up for an early morning coffee, journaling, reading, silence, conversation with friends, slower pace and amazingly enough: what I have come to know as home.

I long for this place. I long for this space. I long for this imprinting of the reality that I am being used by Him in fun and amazing ways. I long for the adventure I find in the everyday. I long for this place.

If...
I find so much happiness in a little wohnung (apartment). What more will my future hold?

I enter 2012 with expectation and excitement.
I have been praying about my word for the new year. I walk in silence with God and ask Him to give me the word for the New Year.
I have determined the word for the New Year. Perhaps I will share it later.
But a friend has challenged me to find a picture for the New Year. I am beginning to think about that and I will let you know if I decide to do it.

your mutating missionary
and ebenezer
here because HE IS here

It is in the Knowing that Rest Occurs

2011-12-25T10:01:00.002-06:00

I cannot explain
the peace that comes when meeting Him in the mornings, often after a night of tears.
I cannot explain
the joy that enters my life when I know that I am following Him, even when the journey brings snares.
I cannot explain
the life that He shares with me in the days of moment by moments.
I cannot explain.

I just know it.
I pray that you enter into this peace,
this joy
and this life
that is in HIM:
Immanuel - God with Us.

written by me - your mutating missionary

Because He IS the I AM, i am
your mutating missionary
and ebenezer

2011-12-20T00:45:00.000-06:00

Thankful for:

My kids
My family opening their home / the farm / the tractors / the kitchen / their hearts
Friends
2% milk
Small quaint coffee shoppes
Phone calls from 011+49 ...
Speaking
Hearing
Being an observer
Fruit and Candy stands run by proud American Indian... wow! Apples and Malted milk balls to die for!
Aunt Jen's Pumpkin Pie Cake
Tractor races
Wind in faces
Cold hands
Tears streaming whilst remembering precious history
A Heritage to be Proud of - a similar passion passed down through the ages.

mutating missionary
and ebenezer

Word!

2011-12-14T01:13:00.000-06:00

"If we believe there's more pleasure in something other than God, then our obedience will never rise above required duty, our prayers will never aim higher than using God, and our joy will always leave an emptiness that drives us to further self-centered efforts to find the fullness we demand." Larry Crabb

1 John 4: 4

2011-12-09T08:37:00.000-06:00

There are times when one verse calms my spirit. This is one of those times. From government red tape to airline fares to my own inadequacies and technological 'lackings' and even other more personal stuff and stuff and stuff... HE is greater.

Because HE IS the I AM,
i am
a mutating missionary

2 moravian missionaries mix

2011-11-27T08:59:00.002-06:00

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This was on one of my missionary co-laborer's blog. Thank you Brandon and Jenny for your service, your sacrifice, for loving Him in this way. They are not with the same mission organization or in the same part of the world. I have known him since he was a kid. Now he and his wife serve in South America.

It was so powerful I had to share. I take up this cry. Use this mutating missionary for Your Glory, please Jehovah. I enter into the new adventure of more years in a foreign land with You alone as my goal.

May we stay the course. Please pray for all those that leave their homes and families. This is not a game we are playing...We are playing for keeps. The keeping of the Gospel of Jesus - the mighty God, the mystery of the Holy Trinity.

mutating missionary
and ebenezer

God's nature is Loving... However, without the atonement - forgiveness is impossible. It would go against His character.

2011-11-26T18:32:00.000-06:00

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest
November 20

"Forgiveness is the divine miracle of grace. The cost to God was the Cross of Christ. To forgive sin, while remaining a holy God, this price had to be paid. Never accept a view of the fatherhood of God if it blots out the atonement. The revealed truth of God is that without the atonement He cannot forgive— He would contradict His nature if He did. The only way we can be forgiven is by being brought back to God through the atonement of the Cross. God’s forgiveness is possible only in the supernatural realm.
Compared with the miracle of the forgiveness of sin, the experience of sanctification is small. Sanctification is simply the wonderful expression or evidence of the forgiveness of sins in a human life. But the thing that awakens the deepest fountain of gratitude in a human being is that God has forgiven his sin. Paul never got away from this. Once you realize all that it cost God to forgive you, you will be held as in a vise, constrained by the love of God."

WOW! I do love Oswald Chambers. This is even better in the original version, but I don't have it with me right now.

Think about it. We minimize the Atonement. We don't recognize, without the Atonement there is no forgiveness. We need the spilled blood covering our sins. The spilled blood - the Holiness of Jesus, Son of God - the sacrificial gift of the Holy Trinity. Without His Atonement being given and our decision to receive that gift - forgiveness is a mute point.

The reality that He gave Himself for us. That He loved us so very much that even in our rebellion against Him He made a way for us to live in eternity, holy and complete in Him. That overwhelms me. That creates in me a deep desire to share Him. To share Him with anyone I meet that doesn't know this truth. Because, as loving as God is - He cannot go against His Holy Character and receive any blot of sin within His heaven.

I don't want anyone to miss out on this amazing love, this journey, this holy hope. Being cradled in the loving hands of the Great God of Creation. Being loved in the midst of confusions/joys, ups/downs, ins/outs. Knowing that God is Holy and yet gifts me with Himself. Amazing Grace!

Your mutating missionary
and ebenezer

And so...

"And they that are wise shall shine as the brightness of the firmament; and they that turn many to righteousness as the stars forever and ever." Daniel 12:3

2011-11-17T05:51:00.001-06:00

Seasons of Gratitude -
They come in swoops of color
browns, oranges, yellows, reds
then green, red, white, blue
They come in waves of laughter
in homes
in restaurants
in shops
They come in tender silences
in remembrances
in future hopes
in precious 'aware of the precious moment' moments
They come in cascading tears
in dark corners of loss
in inviting hugs
in beds, bars, beyond

Gratitude for what was, what is, what will be
Gratitude of family, friends, forever
Gratitude toward God and all He wraps us in
the sorrow, the joy
the past, the present
the continual presence of yesterday
the hope of tomorrow
the love of eternity

Gratitudes
Seasons
Loves
Lives
Seasons of Gratitude

'thank you's are tumbling out of hearts, hands, mouths

my 'thank You' wells within my being
spills out into the wild abandoned wonder of Your Grace

Thank You

May I always remember the
Seasons

May I always remember in
Gratitude

your mutating missionary
and ebenezer

a brainstorming exercise:

2011-11-15T10:36:00.001-06:00

A few questions brainstormed:

What is discipleship?
Why is discipleship important?
Where is discipleship found in the bible?
Do you have examples personally?
Current ministries that use discipleship?
Were you discipled?
How were you discipled?
What made an impact on you?
Why are you drawn to discipleship? Do you think everyone is?
Everyone is called to some form of evangelism - do you see the same in discipleship?
How have you developed discipleship ministry?
Where would you like to see this go?
Is it wrong to ask that of God? ... the whole vision/for ministry/ thing???? Is that totally in God's domain?
Who has been impacted by discipleship?
How does the Holy Spirit lead in discipleship?
Where do you see the need in the church at large?
How has the church dropped the ball?
What do you see as barriers to discipleship ministries?
Can discipleship be formulaic?
Each church needs ideas to fit their needs - can a book do this?
Can anyone be a discipler?
Why is it important for all believers to invest in discipling? Or should it be a calling?
How do you disciple?
How often do you meet?
What materials do you use?
How many do you meet with at a time (other than one-on-one)? Do you group them by any variables?
What have been the pitfalls of discipling?
How do you prepare your disciples to be disciplers to others?
What are the greatest benefits you have seen from discipling others?
How long must one be discipled?

Asking a regular readers and others a new question:
Would you be interested in hearing about actual ministry via blog?

This blog is a blogging of my thoughts and struggles, prayers, and fears, joys and sorrows. I am considering adding a blog that would be more informative. Just wondering if anyone would read it.

from your mutating missionary
and ebenezer :-)

gathering God moments

2011-11-12T21:52:00.000-06:00

Andrew Peterson - The Silence Of God

2011-10-14T01:05:00.000-05:00

The Silence of God
I have been here. Some of my friends are here now. I have had to sit in the Silence of God...
mutating missionary
and ebenezer

a song discovered through a dear friend

2011-10-14T00:22:00.000-05:00

http://youtu.be/3O0BfTOkGK8

Check out this song... Let me rediscover YOU

Mutating Missionary
and ebenezer

a book

2011-10-09T22:30:00.000-05:00

I'm reading a book that has been around for awhile. Life with God by Richard J. Foster. pg. 7
"The Bible is all about human life "with God." It is about how God has made this "with" life possible and will bring it to pass. In fact Immanuel, meaning "God is with us," is the title given to the one and only Redeemer because it refers to God's everlasting intent for human life - namely, that we should be in every aspect a dwelling place of God."

My thoughts are: how, when, why, where? Could I be a hindrance, a help? Who is He and who is He making me into?

These are some of my questions and some of my questions are being addressed in this book.

Are they being answered? No, not completely. But this writing is giving me an opportunity to look at my questions and discover what others have come to conclusion about how do we invest in the life that is with us.

I'm enjoying the book. I have many more I am reading - but this one I want to finish in the next day or so. I had begun it and lost it at the doctor's office. I am thrilled I got another one. Love books that I can mark all up.

your mutating missionary
and ebenezer

And God holds His own...

2011-09-18T20:01:00.000-05:00

A list of Gratitude:

Beauty
Jazz
Neighbors
Rain
Temperatures in the 90's
Beauty in the moments
Life
Hugs
Friends
Cheap Pedicures
Comfy Pillows
Quiet moments
New places
New horizons
Kept Promises
Questions
Simplicity
Kindnesses
Kansas skies
Open roads
Ebenezer in full view
Seeing old friends
Hope
the color Blue
Rest
Small groups of believers sharing life
Thoughts of Him
Goodness of Him
Eyes with a scent of forever
A Yellow House - my nest - waiting...
Gerber Daises on a window seal

your mutating missionary
and ebenezer

2011-08-21T15:05:00.000-05:00

"Have you been asking God what He is going to do? He will never tell you. God does not tell you what He is going to do; He reveals to you Who He is." Oswald Chambers

"Doubt is not always a sign that a man is wrong; it may be a sign that he is thinking." Oswald Chambers

Colorado Springs - a good place to ponder these two quotes from Oswald.

Enough to chew on for a while...
___________________________________________________________

added: some fun information...

Saint Frances de Sales is also someone that I have been thinking about lately. He is the patron saint of writers. I've never really wondered about patron saints. I have never been drawn to investigate them. But lately I have been devouring information about the steadfast of our Christian faith and to ignore the saints would be just plain stupid.

Early this morning I woke and opened the really good novel I fell asleep on last night. As I stumbled through the pages last night I was not drawn into the story line at all and then suddenly the hook caught me. I was a goner. After 3 pages this morning, I questioned to myself: I wonder who the patron saint of writer's is. I have heard of the Patron Saint of cooks, of animal lovers, of other various passions are. But I had never heard of a patron saints for writers. Is there one?

I love google. Yep, there is a patron saint for writers. His name? Saint Frances de Sales. It is said that he did not want to be in ministry. He lived his life out for many years as a soldier. Then he believed that he was called into the priesthood. He ended up not being a very good priest from the perspective of many. He enjoyed life too much. Then he became a missionary to the Protestants during the Reformation. He would slide his sermons underneath the doors of these 'wayward' souls and many returned to Catholicism. He claimed that the Christian life was a romance. That when you were a believer your desire was to write about Him everywhere, so that others might know the fullness of Him, the love of Him, the Joy of Him.

I got a kick out of that. Sounds like that ole' Saint Francis de Sales and I had several things in common. I enjoy finding out what we believers have in common instead of dwelling on what we don't agree on.

Interesting to me.

So, here's to St. Francis de Sales -

your Mutating Missionary
and Ebenezer

be prepared

2011-08-12T08:29:00.000-05:00

Be prepared.
Be prepared.
Be prepared.
I have been thinking about this encouragement lately.

One of my sons is an Eagle Scout. Of course often we think of this two word command when we think of the Scouts. And then in our minds we see some greenish brown shorts and a matching shirt with a kerchief standing before us welding a red-multi-bladed-pocket-knife.

This morning I came up on these words:

"It was Preparation Day (that is, the day before the Sabbath). So as evening approached, Joseph of Arimathea, a prominent member of the Council, who was himself waiting for the kingdom of God, went boldly to Pilate and asked for Jesus' body.
Pilate was surprised to hear that he was already dead. Summoning the centurion, he asked him if Jesus had already died. When he learned from the centurion that it was so, he gave the body to Joseph. So Joseph bought some linen cloth, took down the body, wrapped it in the linen, and placed it in a tomb cut out of rock. Then he rolled a stone against the entrance of the tomb. Mary Magdalene and Mary the mother of Joseph saw where he was laid." Mark 15: 42-47

Being prepared for the Sabbath day. Being prepared for the Resurrection? Being prepared for His coming again? It all boils down to being prepared for this day... this moment...this time we have set before us this day.

I am excited about today and the things that I prepare my heart for. I am excited about this day and the things that God has prepared for me. May He be glorified in this moment, in this day, in my preparing my heart for entering into His Rest.

your mutating missionary

and ebenezer

Do the clouds of life lead us or confuse us?

2011-07-30T10:10:00.000-05:00

A cell phone text sharing a horrible and sad accident, a death in a family, a dear friend's loved family-dog dying, dear friend's holding sadness in their hearts over their son ending up in prison, a marriage gone sour, unwise decisions by men that know better, unwise decisions by women that know better, a baby born prematurely, siblings estranged from each other, parents estranged from their children, another pastor choosing sin, financial crisis, jobs lost, air conditioners going out creating stress and mayhem, struggles ... clouds fill the air in my little neck of the world.

When I hear of all of these struggles happening all around me, being shared from teary eyes, or quick texts writhe with feeling, I run to God in prayer. I cannot handle the clouds. For me it has always been my avenue of 'helpings'. To walk in prayer for my friends through these struggles, these clouds, I myself must be soaking daily in the Word of God. I must seek Him who IS to show me daily who He is.

I am reminded of the Israelites. Clouds hold great significance in both Genesis and in Exodus. God left a cloud with a bow as a sign of covenant. God lead daily through a cloud in the desert.

Genesis 9:13 I set My bow in the cloud, and it shall be for a sign of a covenant between Me and the earth.
Genesis 9:14
It shall come about, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the bow will be seen in the cloud,
Genesis 9:16
When the bow is in the cloud, then I will look upon it, to remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is on the earth.”
Exodus 13:21
The LORD was going before them in a pillar of cloud by day to lead them on the way, and in a pillar of fire by night to give them light, that they might travel by day and by night.
Exodus 13:22
He did not take away the pillar of cloud by day, nor the pillar of fire by night, from before the people.
Exodus 14:19
The angel of God, who had been going before the camp of Israel, moved and went behind them; and the pillar of cloud moved from before them and stood behind them.
Exodus 14:20
So it came between the camp of Egypt and the camp of Israel; and there was the cloud along with the darkness, yet it gave light at night. Thus the one did not come near the other all night.
Exodus 14:24
At the morning watch, the LORD looked down on the army of the Egyptians through the pillar of fire and cloud and brought the army of the Egyptians into confusion.
Exodus 16:10
It came about as Aaron spoke to the whole congregation of the sons of Israel, that they looked toward the wilderness, and behold, the glory of the LORD appeared in the cloud.
Exodus 19:9
The LORD said to Moses, “Behold, I will come to you in a thick cloud, so that the people may hear when I speak with you and may also believe in you forever.” Then Moses told the words of the people to the LORD.

A promise from a cloud, direction from a cloud. Could it be that God uses the clouds to show us Himself.

There is no doubt in my mind that the clouds created in our lives on a daily basis have the ability to push us further away from God. The family of Noah could have walked away from their faith, the Israelites in the desert could have refused to walk. Bitterness could have taken hold of both situations.

It is a choice to see God's hand in the clouds. Each of these remembrances written were a process and He is in the PROCESS!

Excerpt from Oswald Chambers My Utmost for His Highest:

What is my dream for His purpose? His purpose is that I depend on Him and on His power now. If I can stay in the middle of the turmoil calm and unperplexed, that is the end of the purpose of God. God is not working toward a particular finish; His end is the process--that I see Him walking on the waves... no success, no goal, just the absolute certainty that it is all right because I see Him (in the clouds - my addition)

May we continue to look for Him in the clouds of our daily ins and outs. May we find His hope that He has waiting for us to enter into.

your mutating missionary

and ebenezer

I have much I am praying about...

2011-07-26T07:52:00.000-05:00

new horizons

2011-07-12T03:45:00.000-05:00

nourishment

2011-06-26T11:48:00.000-05:00

June 25, 2011

“What shall I say? Father, save me, from this hour? But for this cause came I unto this hour. Father, glorify thy name.” John 12:27-29 RV

“My attitude as a saint to sorrow and difficulty is not to ask that they may be prevented, but to ask that I may preserve the self God created me to be through every fire of sorrow. Our Lord received Himself in the fire of sorrow; He was saved not from the hour, but out of the hour.

We say that there ought to be no sorrow, and we have to receive ourselves in its fires, If we try and evade sorrow, refuse to lay our account with it, we are foolish. Sorrow is one of the biggest facts in life; it is no use saying sorrow ought not to be. Sin and sorrow and suffering are, and it is not for us to say that God has made a mistake in allowing them.

Sorrow burns up a great amount of shallowness, but it does not always make a man better. Suffering either gives me my self or it destroys my self. You cannot receive your self in success, you lose your head; you cannot receive your self in monotony, you grouse.

The way to find your self is in the fires of sorrow. Why it should be so is another matter, but that it is so is true in the Scriptures and in human experience. You always know the man who has been through the fires of sorrow and received himself; you are certain you can go to him in trouble and find that he has ample leisure for you. If a man has not been through the fires of sorrow, he is apt to be contemptuous; he has no time for you. If you receive yourself in the fires of sorrow, God will make you nourishment for other people.” Oswald Chambers My Utmost for His Highest

I sit on the windowed porch in the deep East Texas woods, watching the yard bunny hop in its leisure across the yard as the squirrel waits patiently on the chain-link fence to dash across the yard and fill up, as he did yesterday, in the birdbath. The bird feeder and the hummingbird feeder have been left for me to enjoy nature through these windows. Ebenezer watches and enjoys the movement and I snuggle into the overstuffed couch with my feet up on the ottoman to read the Word and Oswald on this June-day of 25 in this year 2011. To read, to meditate, to write, to pray – that is my task for this morning. One would never guess that this soul has been through any pain at all as I sit in such luxury, blessed by my friend’s generosity.

And yet as I listen to my life’s days, sorrows are the marrow of them. I often say that I have been called to minister to women because I have experienced most of the pains/sorrows/injustices/abuses a woman can experience and God has been faithful in allowing me to heal and find Him in those places. He has not only seen me through them, but in His faithfulness, He has allowed me to find joy in the midst of many of them, and definitely find joy and healing in the ending of them. And they have ended. I am blessed to have had these sorrows enter my life and then be removed. I am amazed as I look back and realize that. And yet, was that the purpose from His beginning?

One of the statements I make to my supporters is: I have lived where these women live, I have seen God’s hand and I share His faithfulness with them. I share with them His desire to hold them in the midst of the chaos and pain. I am a traveler on the other side of the chasm that shines a light in the darkness and cries, “Follow Jesus.”

I am blessed to be “nourishment” for the women that come across my path, as I am blessed by the people that have been “nourishment” for me on this life-path.

Today will be filled with more sharing. The young couple that I met in Germany now lives here in the US. I will visit with them today. I have walked through language learning with the young man, guided him back toward Jesus, guided the young woman toward Jesus, encouraged them in listening to God’s voice about their living situation, watched as they moved away from each other, planned a wedding, witnessed the wedding, witnessed their lives, spoke into their lives and even participated in their church wedding. Now they live here in Texas! When I met them, he was homesick. As I meet with them today, she is homesick. I know both of these ‘homesicknesses’ as it were – the deep ache, the off-centered feel, the confusion of foreign land.

Homesick for the USA, Homesick for Germany.

How will I encourage them in this place that God has them? I cry: Follow Jesus.

Your Mutating Missionary

and Ebenezer :)

four words

2011-06-21T02:08:00.000-05:00

no walking to this church

Profound thoughts - four words:

Walk with the Lord

Sing from your heart

Eat from the honeycomb

All is knowing Him

Carry your own stuff

Hearts hold the keys

Your eyes tell me

Songs of joyous laughter

Crying waters the soul

When is enough, enough

Can you do this?

Will you do this?

Why not try this?

God said: Take courage


climbing the steps that have been climbed for hundreds of years

unconditional love

2011-06-19T08:47:00.000-05:00

my dad...enough said.

2011-06-17T23:01:00.000-05:00

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God’s OWN POSSESSION, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light 1 Peter 2:9

We are chosen - for what? We are chosen to be His possession. Why? So that we may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called us out of darkness into His marvelous light. In the light we live a different way. We live for the future return of the God who has chosen us to be His.

He went... and He will come back. He has chosen us and He has promised that He will come back and get us to take us to where He is. He is preparing a place, a place for His own. In this place there will be all joy and all perfection.

We have much that we can know on this earth that is filled with joy. I share several of my joys with you on this blog, through pictures, through words, through quotes. However what I find absolutely grand is that those joys that are so deep and so amazing, so impromptu, so serendipitous, will be usurped by joys that we cannot even imagine. If these daily joys of the 'dailies' are so joyous... how much more will our hearts burst with His joys that He lays up for us in heaven.

And my suspicion is, that these joys will be surrounding Him in some way, through some venue - our joys will be surrounding Him.

But think about this... could it be that He is surrounding all of the joys even in this fallen world?
As I look deep into the blooms, stop to admire the amazing creativity God has used in making hands, breath in the depths of the beauty of music slipping across the room, buildings that mark time and space... these dailies are such joys. These joys are surrounding Him. He is the only joy that erupts in this earth. He erupts in the most unsuspecting places - a child's smile, a tiny bloom, a garden, a building, a song, a sunset...

mutating missionary
and ebenezer

joys

2011-06-15T00:28:00.000-05:00

2011-06-12T07:26:00.002-05:00

I'm hungry for:
1. An evening at the Mezzo with friends, teas, coffees, flammkuchen, and mediocre art.
2. A Sunday morning with dogs barking, warm/hot room, steep granite steps, doors that lock immediately, chairs that are uncomfortable, crammed into a small room, harp and drumbox, songs lifted in both English and German, hugs, tears, laughter, smiles, languages slipping easily from English into German, guys leaving quickly to prepare for the baseball game, others gathering together for a long lunch.
3. An evening of movies on a white couch, after a meal at a white IKEA table that has a permanent burn mark in the center from a moment of carelessness that can be laughed about today.
4. A man that always is kind enough to move so that Ebenezer and I can have a seat out of the line of traffic at the Schweikert. His faithful dog friend died after many years of love.
5. Walking Ebenezer and being greeted with ugly statements, nasty snarls, horrible looks - by the mean old lady that lives down the road. She is one of my missions when I return.
6. Walks in the vineyards, walks in the fields, Ebenezer running free, Ebenezer with me all the time.
7. Baseball games...
These things I am hungry for. But... that is good and right. They are the stuff of life. It is good to be hungry for these things. It allows me to stop and give thanks for all the things that I am involved in here in the USA.

I am thankful for:
1. My little room in my son's home filled with books, suitcases, bags, a few clothes and Ebenezer's blanket.
2. My easy gait with my sons and their wives.
3. My time with Little Miss H... B. BÄR!!!!!
4. This moment when I prepare to see her dedicated. I am here for that!!!! What a blessing!
5. This day that we set aside to worship the Lord God Most High! We gather together with believers and stop and praise and sit in community to say YES to stopping the world to be with each other and HIM!
6. The sun that shines in its unbelievable heat.
7. The air that hangs heavy in its humidity.
8. The clothes that cost only 10$
9. The joys that are priceless.
10. The love that is unwavering.
11. The tires that are balding.
12. The car that starts and runs and has good gas mileage!
13. The freedom that screams - In God We Trust

I am thankful. I am hungry. I wait for my Lord's return when all will be right with the world.

mutating missionary
and ebenezer

life symphonies written by the most high God

2011-06-02T23:49:00.003-05:00

God surprised me tonight.

It was the ending of an intense workshop that I was co-leading. A spiritual workshop that allows us to enter into places with each other and God that are phenomenal. Many epiphanies have been discovered and a community has been melded together.

I was thrilled to walk this journey with these fine believers. The honesty and integrity of intimacy with God was powerful. God's glory was seen as He reached down and delivered a beautiful life symphony. Lives that met through melody and harmony - staccatos, intermezzo, legato and even klangfarbenmelodie! Absolutely exhilarating.

Our time of sharing lasted 4 evenings from 6:30-9:30pm, but the symphony that I will hear in my head as I remember this music of our lives will last ever so much longer and reverberate in my heart for many many years.

This community of listeners - this community of listeners - this community of listeners - heard. They heard during the interludes and in the silences. They stepped back and listened as God whispered His healing music in ears that now dance in delight at possibilities of safe and loving places and journeys God will lead them through.

I am in awe that God is allowing me to be involved in lives in this way.

Thank you Lord for using me, using others, and loving us in this symphony you direct: our lives.

looking forward to the tomorrows

mutating missionary
and ebenezer

ps the harp above is my sweet Aliza Lorraine. She waits for me in Germany. Built by the loving hands of a dear friend there - she holds many stories for me to share through her strings and her reverberations... wait sweet Aliza Lorraine... wait. I come in God's timing.

Entering into the unkowns through His doorway - Jesus

2011-05-28T00:48:00.004-05:00

⁸ Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord or of me His prisoner, but join with me in suffering for the gospel according to the power of God, ⁹ who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was granted us in Christ Jesus from all eternity, ¹⁰ but now has been revealed by the appearing of our Savior Christ Jesus, who abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel, ¹¹ for which I was appointed a preacher and an apostle and a teacher. ¹² For this reason I also suffer these things, but I am not ashamed; for I know whom I have believed and I am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until that day. ¹³ Retain the standard of sound words which you have heard from me, in the faith and love which are in Christ Jesus. ¹⁴ Guard, through the Holy Spirit who dwells in us, the treasure which has been entrusted to you. 2 Timothy 2:8-14

There is an old hymn that I have been humming lately. You probably know it. The part that always gets me is a quote from the above text: "For I know whom I have believed and am
persuaded that He is able, to keep that which I've committed unto Him against that day.

"I Know Whom I Have Believed"

1.I know not why God's wondrous grace
To me He hath made known
Nor why, unworthy, Christ in love
Redeemed me for His own.

But I know whom I have believed
and am persuaded that He is able
To keep that which I've committed
unto Him against that day

2. I know not how this saving faith
To me He did impart,
Nor how believing in His word
Wrought peace within my heart.

But "I know Whom I have believed
and am persuaded that He is able
To keep that which I've committed
unto Him against that day

3. I know not how the Spirit moves,
Convincing men of sin,
Revealing Jesus through the Word,
Creating faith in Him.

But "I know Whom I have believed
and am persuaded that He is able
To keep that which I've committed
unto Him against that day

4.I know not what of good or ill
May be reserved for me,
Of weary ways or golden days,
Before His face I see.

But I know Whom I have believed
and am persuaded that He is able
To keep that which I've committed
unto Him against that day

5.I know not when my Lord may come,
At night or noon-day fair,
Nor if I'll walk the vale with Him,
Or meet Him in the air.

But "I know Whom I have believed
and am persuaded that He is able
To keep that which I've committed
unto Him against that day
Lyrics: Daniel Whittle, 1883. Composer: James McGranahan.

A song that verbalizes my wonder of the God Who IS!!!!!!!

mutating missionary
and ebenezer

quiet love

2011-05-25T07:26:00.003-05:00

I have been in the USA since January. The EU and the USA have an agreement. It includes making non-citizens prove their citizenship. It has to do with taxes and bunches of red-tape. It is frustrating. I am required to leave Germany for one-year. Most countries in the EU require you to leave for 6 months - Germany requires a non-citizen to leave for one-year.

I am missing my home, my red-prayer-chair, my favorite cups, my own bed. Would I do it again? Would I live in Germany for 5 more years and then return for one-year again? Would I consider going back again? There is no doubt.

I believe with all of my heart that God has me in Germany for a reason. He has me here in the USA for a season. The relationships that I have in Germany are important to me. The relationships I have in the USA are important to me. But no relationship is more important to me than my relationship with the God Most High. Being in the place where I believe He wants me to be is my desire in life. I cannot control this. I understand that He knows where He has me and I delight in all that is going on here while I wait patiently (as possible) to return to my little corner of the world.

I have asked God to keep me close. He has heard me and I relish in His intimacies.

This morning as I was reading "Jesus Calling" I was reminded how often I hold on to the problems of this world. How often I hold on to the problems of my family. I was encouraged to meet Him and invite Him into those problems. It was a good reminder. But what thrilled me most was the reference of Zephaniah 3:17:

"For the Lord your God is in your midst, a victorious warrior. He will exult over you with joy, He will be quiet in His love, He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy." Zephaniah 3:17

Lying in wait, I desire to enter into His quiet love. What does that look like? What does that mean? What has He in store for me that I could never understand or expect?

My ultimate desire is to love Him with all my heart, all my soul, and all my mind. And to love my neighbor as I love myself.

What does love look like? What does loving myself look like? How will that increase my love for my neighbors? I want to love my neighbors. I want to love them. I want to love the people in this world. I want to love them. Right where they are. Right where I am.

What does love look like - God? Your love, not mine? What does your love look like? What does quiet love look like? Cup my face in Your hands this day and look deep into me. Hold my heart in your hands and protect it as you break it and mold it into more than it is right now. Thank You for reminding me that You are a victorious warrior and I need not be afraid.

your mutating missionary
and ebenezer

My attempt at pictoral Theology...

2011-05-10T15:37:00.005-05:00

I am thankful for this place that God has me. This place of trust that I have never before walked in. All that I thought of family relationships is being turned upside down. I am so grateful for my children in this time of endings.

I receive what comes from the fall, my Lord. I receive it with the understanding that You have not allowed the instigator of the fall to conquer. But instead You conquered the evil one and You will call me to Your land. You will bless those who stand firm for healing and love.

I am His daughter. A daughter of the King. He wants me to understand that. I know it on so many levels, but in this place - I never thought I would stand - yet, I am here and He is here.

I drew the above crayon drawing to attempt a visual of what I believe. It is childish in many ways. But then, in so many ways I am yet a child. And where God is concerned - I always will be.

I am glad that God is God.
this blog is a bit personal - but what was it developed for???? to be personal. A personal glimpse of the road that a real honest to goodness foreign missionary walks ... the ups, the downs, the struggles, the victories, the good the bad...

As I listen to an ipod filled with German music - I smile. What a blessed time to live in - a time where sharing God and His eternal gift of salvation is really my moment by moment goal. I've known a pastor who always says, "And they pay me to do this!!!"

What a joy to take the opportunity to do this with those here in the USA while I wait figuratively chained waiting for my moment to return to Germany. Glory, glory, glory to the God most High. He placed me in an earthly family, to learn how to live in this world, to love those that have deleted me. Through His grace it is possible.

because HE IS the I AM,
i am
your mutating missionary
and ebenezer

A Church Window in Slovenia

Wait

2011-04-22T12:38:00.003-05:00

I have a friend that sent me a gift from Germany.
I am so thankful for this gift I am sharing it with you.

Even though the song deals with waiting for the LORD to 'show up',

on this day of remembering my Lord's death, burial and resurrection, I am waiting for His return.

Please follow this link and enjoy my German friend playing her harp and singing in English about waiting for the Lord...

http://youtu.be/2wbX3wqjx9Y

your mutating missionary
and ebenezer
here in the USA waiting on my LORD

on the road again

2011-02-25T10:27:00.005-06:00

a place i miss

On the road again!!!!!

I leave here tomorrow. I take Ebenezer on another flight. This time is the first time for connecting flights. The adventures never cease :-)

I have been meditating on a few things in the last few weeks.

First: How do we honor parents that are not perfect? Knowing well that I myself am not perfect and have not been a perfect parent (even though I have a wonderful relationship with my children). How do we??? I have some ideas on that. I will share in the near future.

Second: The book on Rest. I will be making some comments on my findings of that.

Third: Prayer? Where does it come into our lives - how do we pray and why?

Fourth: Where is the JOY that God IS?

Fifth: Trusting and Obeying in the darkness of the unknown.

Things I am pondering. I look forward to sharing what God is revealing to me in these days.

May God take this day and use it for His Glory.

ok... now... pack - pack - pack
Can't wait to be in one location for a while and get settled in. hummmm don't know if my oldest and his sweet bride feel the same - giggle

Here we go!!!

Your mutating missionary
and ebenezer

"Fire and Dynamite" | Drew Holcomb and the Neighbors | OFFICIAL MUSIC VI...

2011-02-01T21:31:00.000-06:00

Where have you come from and where are you going? - "Have I also seen Him who sees me?"

2011-02-01T06:53:00.006-06:00

I don't do this often, but today I thought it would be a good idea. I am copying my journal of notes from my ponder journal. This journal is written in as I take notes while reading the word of God. In this journal I jot down certain things that hit me for the first time in a new way, things that feed me in a special way, things that prompt more questioning and study, things that make me mad, things that make me happy, and things that feed my soul or cause me to fall on my face in wonder, awe, confession, etc. This is a relationship journal with my God.

I am thankful for writing in a journal like this. I don't use any concordance, I try to come to the word with my own peanut brain - asking for Him to reveal to me what He wants to reveal to me. And then I enter into His word. I take each chapter, read it and summarize it, or write down what hits me, or ask questions, or, or, or... Here are my responses to the first 16 chapters of Genesis. I got stopped at chapter 16... you will see why.

"And God saw that it was good"

1) God creates so many good things. He meant us to enter into this goodness. He created all for His enjoyment but also for ours. "Be fruitful and multiply" ... in other words: ENJOY!
His final creation in these days: and God said "Let US make man in OUR own image." --- What JOY He gets from US.

2) God provided the garden for substance, provision and satisfaction in labor that was toil free.

3) Woman believed the lie. We have been believing lies ever since. We have the consequence of believing the lies as Eve did. The trinity had to remove man from the garden for man's protection. Death is a gift from God - otherwise we would be stuck in this fallen world forever.

4) Keeper of sheep/tiller of ground????? Is the keeper of the sheep similar to the Mary complex and the tiller of ground to the Martha complex??????? Hummm I wonder...

5) Birth of Seth - Birth of Enoch. And Enoch walked with God. Enoch didn't die---> he was not.
(I want to walk with God.)
--> Methuselah (oldest) --> Lamech --> Noah "This one will comfort us concerning our work, and the toil of our hands because of the ground which the Lord has cursed." ----> at 500 years old Noah had Shem, Ham, Japheph.

6) Sons of God - ? Daughters of men - ? ?????
The Lord was grieved and decided to destroy evil man -
* But Noah pleased God - he walked with God ---> God talked to Noah
(I want to please God by walking with Him - I want God to talk to me.)

Ark

God says He will bring the flood ---> Noah OBEYED!
(I want to obey.)

7) God prepares Noah !!!!!!!!!

seven each male and female of CLEAN animals
two each of every UNCLEAN animal ----> 7 clean and 2 unclean
- they came in 2x2
It rained 40 days and 40 nights
*** THE LORD SHUT THEM IN!
** and all flesh died that moved upon the earth.

8) *then God remembered Noah and every living thing...
7th month the Ark rested --> Noah built an alter to God.... took of every clean animal and every clean bird
(He didn't offer one animal but all) "and God smelled a soothing aroma" -- He said in his heart
"I will never again curse the ground for man's sake. ... never again destroy every living thing."

9) God made a covenant with Noah and his family - 1st covenant - Rainbow is sign of this covenant
???? Why was Noah so angry with Canaan for seeing him naked? Was it because he told his brothers? Was it because he shouldn't have been in the tent?

10) Sons of Noah were divided to the lands. And Canaan's children were scattered throughout the land

11) The whole earth had one language and one speech. God confused the language and scattered them from one end of earth to next... i know there is debate on this: was it because they were so united and God knew that they could do too much in unity without Him and He is a jealous God? was it because they were trying to do the work to reach God and God wants us to understand we cannot reach God - HE reaches down to us? What was the real reason that the Babel Tower was destroyed????? Don't know - just know that this creates so many differences in people... not being able to understand each other because of different languages - but... God if this had not occurred????

Shem's descendants had Abram.
--- Shem's line repeated in chapter 11 ---> (point well taken)

12) Abram told to leave the country of his father - God said!
"Get out of your country, from your kindred and from your father's house, to a land that I will show you. I will make you a great nation and I will bless you and make your name great... and you shall be a blessing... I will bless those who bless you and I will curse those who curse you, and in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed"

Abram asks Sarai to lie and say she is his sister in order to protect him from Pharaoh. God sends plagues on Pharaoh.

13) Abram and Lot separated
Lot chose the most profitable land.
Abram dwelt in the land of Canaan
"Lift your eyes now and look from the place where you are - northward, southward, eastward, and westward, for all the land that you see I give to your descendants forever. And I will make your descendants as the dust of the earth; so that if a man could number the dust of the earth, then your descendants also could be numbered. Arise walk in the land through its length and its width, for I give it to you."

14) Lot is taken captive
Abram goes after him.
Abram meets with Melchezedek, king of Salem - priest of God most High - gave Abram a blessing and offered him gifts - but Abram refused the King of Sodom because he didn't want the king of Sodom to take credit for making Abram rich.......

15) God's covenant with Abram
"Do not be afraid, Abram, I am your shield your exceedingly great reward."

God promised Abram as many descendants from his loins as there were stars in the sky.

"And 'Abram' believed in the Lord, and He accounted it to him for righteousness"
God sacrificed the animals and WALKED through them - God made the covenant STICK!

16) Sarai gives Hagar to be known by Abram
Hagar runs..., angel of Lord found her and spoke to her:

"WHERE HAVE YOU COME FROM AND WHERE ARE YOU GOING?"

and Hagar says: "Have I also seen Him who sees me?"

I am pondering... I encourage you to start a 'Ponder Journal' - sometimes I need to just enter into His word and let Him speak to me through it - no teacher, no concordance, no computer... just Him, me, a pen and paper.
Mutating missionary
and Ebenezer

missing family

2011-01-20T18:48:00.003-06:00

Written on January 20, 2011

I am in the USA, but I haven't seen my kids yet. I am saying goodbye to my 9th day in this country. The sun has gone to sleep and soon I will too.

I miss my kids. It is hard when you are half-way around the world, but to be sooo close and yet so far away. I have reasons for being here and not there. They are valid reasons. But they are also not the funnest reasons... they are hard reasons. There are good reasons because I am staying with people I love and that love me. AND it is just the most sensible thing to do. I mean, why would I travel through the northern east coast and head for Texas only to come back here again in a few months. That just doesn't make any sense. Bad logistics. But I miss my kids. What I think has really hit me even harder since I spoke to my daughter a few days ago. Even when I get into Texas, I won't see my daughter. She is in Colorado. She lives in Colorado.

So, I am writing. I am writing and writing and writing. And I am studying German. I am writing and I am studying German. What an interesting day. I miss my kids.

The pies you see on this post were made by my daughter. I taught her my mother secrets that day. She did a super job! The mountains you see are the Rocky Mountains. I love these mountains and this is where my daughter lives. I will see my boys and my daughters-in-love in about....

I wrote this several days ago - couldn't keep my eyes open any longer - went to sleep and didn't return to it - now I have decided to post it. I love my kids.

I see my sons and daughters-in-love at the end of this month. I hope to see my daughter soon after that - sooooo today is a 2 post day ;-)

words to remember

2011-01-20T09:17:00.003-06:00

"Beware of anything that competes with loyalty to Christ. The greatest competitor of devotion to Jesus is service for Him. It is easier to serve than to be drunk to the dregs. The one aim of the call of God is the satisfaction of God, not a call to do something for Him. We are not sent to battle for God, but to be sued by God in His battlings. Are we being more devoted to service than to Jesus Christ?" Oswald Chambers

....

"When God gives a vision and darkness follows, wait. God will make you in accordance with the vision He has given if you will wait His time. Never try and help God fulfill His word. Abraham went through thirteen years of silence, but in those years all self-sufficiency was destroyed; there was no possibility left of relying on common-sense ways. Those years of silence were a time of discipline, not of displeasure. Never pump up joy and confidence, but stay upon God. Have I any confidence in the flesh? Or have I got beyond all confidence in myself and in men and women of God; in books and prayers and ecstasies; and is my confidence placed now in God Himself, not in His blessings? "I am the Almighty God" - ElShaddai, the Father Mother God. The one thing for which we are all being disciplined is to know that God is real. As soon as God becomes real, other people become shadows. Nothing that other saints do or say can ever perturb the one who is built on God." Oswald Chambers

Andrew Peterson - Dancing In The Mine Fields

2011-01-20T08:37:00.000-06:00

cultures...cultures...cultures...cultures

2011-01-16T18:43:00.003-06:00

Roots?
I am a combination of two cultures. Deep East Texas and German Mennonite - Kansas. I have come to realize that the cultural differences in my family alone created wonderful nuances in my childhood. Some were good and some were bad... all were wonderfully handed me by my Creator.

To go with that thought - I have re-entered the United States culture. I love this culture. It is my own. But, in the last few years I have lived in another culture. The German culture. And in reality not just the German culture, but the Baden-Württemberg German culture. It is a special culture all its own. In our little area we have Roman bath excavation sites, churches deemed Muenster worthy, the Black Forest, Rhein River, French borders allowing us to venture over for a lunch in France, or driving down for an English movie in Switzerland (only 10 to 30 minutes drive away). We can watch our wonderful baseball players, or go for a quick bowling game up north a bit, good grief my little apartment building is about 200 years old and had brass bricks at the entry way to remind the passers by of the Jews that lived in the house killed in Auschwitz...
The list goes on. What is lacking? What is different?

Why do you think it might be a hard place for me to live? Is it because of culture? Is it because of missing family and my own culture? And why do you think I would be chomping at the bit to go back? Mixing cultures.

Maybe - God prepared me for it by placing me in the family He placed me in.

God makes no mistakes, is always working, never sleeps, and is for me and not against me.

God

I serve Him gladly here in the States for a while; it will be interesting to see how this culture effects me during this time. At least I know there is one thing that never changes - that culture cannot penetrate - that remains for eternity. I am His child, a child of the King. That dear friend is something that surpasses all cultures and causes me to rest in this place where I lay my head.

mutating missionary
and ebenezer

United States

2011-01-12T20:58:00.002-06:00

Just arrived in the USA for awhile. Beginning in Baltimore, heading to Texas in March, looking forward to where God leads and what he does as I enter into this year of furlough. Germany's laws force me to go home for a year after five years of living in Germany. Brought two suitcases with the majority of German study books... laughing the entire time as I am hauling these heavy suckers everywhere.

God is always working. He never sleeps. I am so excited about what He has been working on in Germany and what he will continue to work on as I am here for this stay, both here and Germany. Looking forward to SKYPE times :-)

We had our first prayer and praise service in our little Gemeinde last Wednesday evening. It was such a precious time and such a precious gift. Several people gathered in my living room and we worshiped this God who IS.

May you be blessed in this new year. I know He has already blessed me in the last few days in amazing ways.

*****
Because He IS the I AM, i am
your mutating missionary

2010-10-08T03:29:00.002-05:00

7.Oktober.2010

I have been reading again. When I went back to the states at the beginning of the year I visited a dear friend/supporter of mine in Portland, Oregon. I will never forget the look on her face when she heard that I had read only 2 or 3 books in the years that I have been here in Germany. The reason, of course, was to stay away from English and enter into the language of the land, German. The end result… not so good.

You see I am a reader. I usually have 7-10 books going at once. I love to read. Reading is a favorite pastime. Since the early 90’s I have not owned a television (not to say anything negative about people that do – ours just kept blowing up!) I got used to no TV and replaced the time with community, reading, and writing.

Anyway, while in the states she challenged me to begin reading again. The German is far enough along, I need some food for thought, and thus I am reading again.

One of the pastors I met with gave me a book entitled The Wounded Healer By: Henri Nouwen.

I have always enjoyed Nouwen's books. Nouwen had a way with stepping away from the norm and reaching out. I have always enjoyed his depth and his simplicity.

Some ideas on compassion and contemplatives:

“The compassionate man who points to the possibility of forgiveness helps others to free themselves from chains of their restrictive shame, allows them to experience their own guilt, and restores their hope for a future in which the lamb and the lion can sleep together.

But here we must be aware of the great temptation that will face the Christian minister of the future. Everywhere Christian leaders, men and women alike, have become increasingly aware of the need for more specific training and formation. This need is realistic and the desire for more professionalism in the ministry is understandable. But the danger is that instead of becoming free to let the spirit grow, the future minister may entangle himself in the complications of his own assumed competence and use his specialism as an excuse to avoid the much more difficult task of being compassionate. … the danger is that his skillful diagnostic eye will become more an eye for distance and detailed analysis then the eye of a compassionate partner. And if priests and ministers of tomorrow think that more skill training is the solution for the problem of Christian leadership for the future generations, they may end up being more frustrated and disappointed than the leaders of today. More training and structure are just as necessary as more bread for the hungry. But just as bread given without love can bring war instead of peace, professionalism without compassion will turn forgiveness into a gimmick, and the kingdom to come into a blindfold.

The minister as contemplative man

It is not the task of the Christian leader to go around nervously trying to redeem people, to save them at the last minute, to put them on the right track. For we are redeemed once and for all. The Christian leader is called to help others affirm this great news, and to make visible in daily events the fact that behind the dirty curtain of our painful symptoms there is something great to be seen; the face of Him in whose image we are shaped. In this way the contemplative can be a leader for a convulsive generation because he can break through the vicious circle of immediate needs asking for immediate satisfaction. He can direct the eyes of those who want to look beyond their impulses and steer their erratic energy into creative channels.

… The contemplative is not needy or greedy for human contacts, but is guided by a vision of what he has seen beyond the trivial concerns of a possessive world. He does not bounce up and down with the fashions of the moment, because he is in contact with what is basic, central and ultimate. He does not allow anybody to worship idols, and he constantly invites his fellow man to ask real, often painful and upsetting questions, to look behind the surface of smooth behavior, and to take away all the obstacles that prevent him from getting to the heart of the matter. The contemplative critic takes away the illusory mask of the manipulative world and has the courage to show what the true situation is. He knows that he is considered by many as a fool, a madman, a danger to society and a threat to mankind. But he is not afraid to die, since his vision makes him transcend the difference between life and death and makes him free to do what has to be done here and now, notwithstanding the risks involved.

More than anything else, he will look for signs of hope and promise in the situation in which he finds himself. The contemplative critic has the sensibility to notice the small mustard seed and trust to believe that “when it has grown it is the biggest shrub of all and becomes a tree so that the birds of the air come and shelter in its branches.” (Mt. 13.31-32)” excerpts from The Wounded Healer by Nouwen

Good stuff.

Also finished the book The Rest of God by Mark Buchanan. Will share what hit me in that book later.

And the answer is: Le Louvre.

a few more clues... Name this place...

2010-10-04T07:02:00.002-05:00

name this place!

2010-09-14T02:53:00.002-05:00

shreds being shread

2010-09-11T12:26:00.002-05:00

No pictures today ---

The last few days have been, hummmm, how shall I say this? Interesting.

When I moved here I gave up much (not written in order of importance):

cat
home
car
accumulated stuff
piano
job I loved
career
feeling of accomplishment
friends
church family
my siblings-mom
and of course regular visitings with children

When one enters the mission field, one must count the cost - right?

I did and I packed 4 big suitcases and left. I had no idea how long I would really be gone and didn't have a clue what Germany even looked like. I had never been here.

But for some reason there was a shred, just shred of something that I held on to. And this shred tied me to the states. In the last few weeks that shred has been sheared.

Not a bad thing. Just a realization that I didn't even realize it was there. I am in awe of God as He removes all that we place as more important than He Himself!

So, after four and a half years here I know that He is still molding me. I am still mutating.

A life-long process. I am thankful that He is patient.

Your Mutating Missionary

& Ebenezer

Speaking from our Divine Center

2010-09-02T11:58:00.004-05:00

I've been wondering lately on how best to live my life where my mouth is concerned. Have you ever wondered that? I mean... how do I encourage?... how do I build bridges where hurts have occurred? ...how do I help when I really don't know how to?... when do I speak?... when do I keep silent?

I want to be a person that others can know: her yes is a yes and her no is a no.

But sometimes I just don't know how to help. I've been re-reading a book entitled Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster. It is one of those reads that I try with all my might to read every year. It is not on how to be disciplined... it is on the Spiritual Disciplines and how to enter into them more on a daily basis. zB. : Prayer, Solitude, Simplicity, Meditation, etc.

Last evening I was aware of how much I must learn about speaking. I actually went to God in prayer and asked Him to give me some direction. This morning during my reading time I came up on this in his chapter on Simplicity:
"Plain speech is difficult because we so seldom live out of the divine Center, so seldom respond only to heavenly promptings. Often fear of what others may think or a hundred other motives determine our "yes" or "no" rather than obedience to divine urgings. Then if a more attractive opportunity arises we quickly reverse our decision. But if our speech come out of obedience to the divine Center, we will find no reason to turn our "yes" into "no" and our "no" into "yes." We will be living in simplicity of speech because our words will have only one Source." Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster

This has been such an important thought during my day today. Are my words spoken after sending a quick prayer up to my Lord? So many people have the initials WWJD plastered from car bumpers to necklaces to keychains... But do we actually ask Him. What would you say? What would you do? This is something I have been thinking about today. And you? What do you think?

May we lock our mouths as we walk down unknown paths. May we pray that He open our mouths as we walk down paths that He levels and He attends.

mutating missionary
& ebenezer
ps i have a problem with computer right now - please know i will be back on with more frequent postings... ASAP!

core

2010-08-03T16:28:00.003-05:00

watering our core
so often we must remove and water

He promises His presence
in the doing, the being, the moment.

Let me walk into the promise of His presence
as Moses in his insecurity walked.

Let me move into the calling
look fear in the face
call it out
and
walk
with
fearless abandon
to the call
knitted together only because of this promise
HIS promise
of
His presence
in the call

Your mutating missionary
& ebenezer
written while in Poland as God unravels my fears and asserts His presence.

Einfahrt... and Ausfahrt in just a few days!

2010-07-31T05:30:00.000-05:00

A few words from Vienna, sitting in a layover on my way to Krakow, Poland.

Looking forward to coming back on the 5th of August with wonderful friends from the states. Sharing a bit of my home with them. Then after they leave on the 13th of August...

I am home for a while!!!!!!

Thankful for quotes to ponder. Here are a few:

Silence propagates itself, and the longer talk has been suspended, the more difficult it is to find anything to say. - Samuel Johnson
The most erroneous stories are those we think we know best - and therefore never scrutinize or question. - Stephen Jay Gould
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars. - J. Paul Getty

Your Mutating Missionary
& Ebenezer

sabboth

2010-07-25T15:22:00.005-05:00

I've been contemplating Sabbath. and Sabbath Rest...

Looking forward to reading a book about it.

What is it?

What does it look like?

Is it important to know about the Sabbath?

Do we sometimes work harder on the Sabbath than on any other day?

Who are we in Christ and what does He want us to do with the Sabbath?

Why was it wrong when I was growing up to have stores open on Sunday?

Is it wrong to have stores open everyday all day?

Why is it in a culture that has long ago stopped going to church with any regularity or fervor, have stores closed and many restaurants? Even the parents teach their children that they must get their homework done and all work done on Saturday because Sunday is to be a day of rest.

Why are some of our ten commandments more adhered to than others?

Is is really true that the old testament was thrown out when the new testament was written?

Who am I concerning my identity where the Sabbath is concerned?

What does my body say about the Sabbath Rest????

Questions -

I'll read the book and we'll talk...

Mutating Missionary
&Ebenezer

a few of my favorite people and a 'semi-complaint blogspot'

2010-07-17T01:50:00.006-05:00

Blogspot 14.Juli.2010

This was written and saved to be downloaded today from my own house. Why???? Because I have no internet connection, no phone connection, no television, no radio reception, no handy (cell phone) reception, and no screens on the most important window in the tiny apartment where I am attending language school. Really not trying to complain here - but must let out a few frustrations:

Heat: Sitting in a building several 100's of years old trying to concentrate and learn a foreign language... with no air conditioning, Temps at 102 F. - and a professor that refuses to open the windows all the way because of the noise of trucks coming by every so often. This same professor also refusing to turn on the fan because he swears that fans give people colds. -- and I love this guy's style of teaching - he's amazing - but the idiosyncrasies of genius #@#@@#$#$#%
Mosquitoes: I despise these little critters!!!! It probably comes from a life-time of being their one and only source of food any time I am outside. It is like I have written on my whole entire body: come and eat me... my blood is just what you are looking for. I 've had many people tell me that it just means I am too sweet --- well dang it --- could I get some sour some place?????
And this night we were threatened by a rain storm. I thought: GREAT - some cool breeze - and I opened my windows. Mind you two of the windows in this little apartment I am stying in while at school have screens on them (a definite plus) but the big one... the one that I live in, the one that I would really love to be open every minute of the evening... it has no screens. And tonight I was foolish enough to open it wide!!!! AT THIS MOMENT I HAVE 12 mosquito bites and have killed 10 mosquitoes. That was 11 minutes ago.
Make that 13...splat - right between the ole' palms... computer screens seem to be a great temptation for these little guys :-)
Dang it!!! 14... and on the ceiling I see many more --- looks like it is going to be a long night.
Have you ever tried to walk a dog when there are so many mosquitoes in the road they literally land 10 to 15 at a time on you AND on your dog?????
My son told me to go to bed with a wet towel wrapped around my head in this heat. I did and came out looking like some weed-eater had taken leave on it's own and attacked my hair! There was no taming the beast the next morning for lack of a hair dryer (and well in reality who wants to heat the place up so quickly????) - so I went to school and thought I would face the amazing and shocked looks. I forgot. I live in Germany - hair and off-centered, displaced, uneven, bi-tri- or even quadrupled colors are the norm here. I think I might have actually fit in --- giggle!
And finally --- language... I'm so thankful that I am trusting God to give me this language and I put it all in His hands --- the desire and hope that I can --- and then to leave the rest to Him. The reality of 4 years of learning culture and several months of going to school seems overwhelming to me. And yet, HE has allowed me to make it through and actually come to an understanding of how this language works. Now learning the strategies to make it work for me :-) HE WILL ACCOMPLISH It!!!
15....

Your mutating missionary
& Ebenezer
.....16

opening new doors... again!

2010-06-21T16:05:00.006-05:00

I'm leaving in less than a week. Opening the door again to language school. I have to complete the level of C1 before I can begin teaching the inductive bible studies I have a vision to teach throughout Germany. Yes, I am already teaching bible studies - but not the vision I have for Germany... C1 is at the beginning of University level. I must be able to speak, write, read and understand at this level. I begin C1 this coming week. I am opening the door.

I have never liked change. I don't like it now. I was told years ago by my ex-husband that I could put a tap-root down quicker than any person he knew. I'm that way. I want so badly for a schedule to arise and things to move at a steady rate - but days fly by and I am rarely in any one spot for more than 3 months at a time. It is wearing me down.

I am 53 years old. I have moved - Silsbee, Pasadena, Baytown (3), Hot Springs, Angleton, New Port News, Woodville (2), Beaumont (5), Woodville, College Station (2), Dayton (2), Connecticut (2), Cincinnati (2), Highland Village (3), Flower Mound, Germany (5). and that doesn't include school changes...

I'm tired of change. I am crying out to God as I open the door one more time and climb up those steps, leaving my hat and coat behind...

vulnerable - ragged - worn - and gloriously waiting for Him to come in and strongly support. Because He says He will - and He always has. The only one I have with me all the time - my one constant. HIM. Praising that fact and soaking in Him this moment.

Because HE IS the I AM,
i am
your mutating missionary
... & Ebenezer goes with me - thank you God.

growing older with Him

2010-06-18T02:38:00.003-05:00

Wonderful things about growing older with God in your life:

You understand that life comes to an end
Your aches and pains are there for a reason and each one signifies one day closer to seeing Him face to face!
You know that people are people and we all make mistakes
You realize that you are still being formed in the image of Him but you are a bit more gentle with yourself - knowing that He must do that work and you must get out of the way- and that is not so easy to do.
You love both the good days and the bad, because they remind you that you will have a point when you will have neither and those that you love will be sad to see you go - you will be dancing however and so you look forward to it.
You rejoice with every glimmer of someone's eyes when they begin to see that Jesus is the one and only. Just the beginnings of this realization set you on a high.
You really get that it can't be easy to live with each other and marvel at the fact that God put it into us to want to do it.
You smile at the simplest things and sometimes spend days just smiling - even when there is no reason.
You marvel at the ease of the young to jump, run, stand, sit, lie down on the floor immediately when they rise from the bed and are just thrilled to make it through the day without having a joint hurt... any or all :-)
You love your gray hair and giggle at your jiggles
When you meet with your loved one in your red-prayer chair (yours might be pink, purple, or green) nothing comes between you and Him and you can sit for long periods of time just soaking up His grace and mercy - because you know you need it.
You laugh at yourself more
You cry for others more
You sing with the windows down, stick your hands out of the windows during a rain and giggle when you realize you have slowed down to look at the cows! - without even noticing the cars behind you filled with racing rangers - on their way to somewhere, anywhere FAST!
You sleep easily every night and wake up with a smile on your lips and a song in your head.
hummmm
One day closer to the one that I call Husband, Lover of my soul, Friend, LORD, Master, Father, Mighty, Great, All Goodness and my beloved.

May today remind you that you are one day closer to the One that IS.

Your mutating missionary
and Ebenezer

he made me - he's making me

2010-06-10T10:26:00.004-05:00

I'm kinda' an artsy fartsy kinda girl. I have a love for the eye-catcher. When traveling in the Netherlands and having the opportunity to see the Van Gogh museum another young girl and I were left behind as we studied and admired the nuances of each of the paintings. I love creativity. This particular house is owned by a famous writer. I won't say who she is, but she lives in San Antonio.

Today was filled with a lot of head-achy kinds of things for me. Paper work, paper trails, numbers, loose ends... Things that never make me happy - only give me a headache - only cause me to feel incredibly inadequate and full of angst.

It began years ago. Has never gotten settled. Hit a HIGH at the beginning of this year and EXPLODED about a month ago. I have been leaning heavily on the one who IS. I am waiting and watching as on thing after another goes wrong and God still comes through - with a peace and a calmness that no one should have during these times. I attribute it all to Him. He is graciously seeing me through this. Not because I deserve it - I have failed over and over again - not because I worked hard to make it happen - I have dealt time and time again with forgetfulness and health issues and time constraints and fears and... and... and... But simply because He is gracious and loving and knows my weaknesses and fills my inadequacies with His wonderful grace.

This morning I am praising Him as I watch Him hold me. Thank you LORD, thank you and help me to be transformed into more than what I can see of myself - and into what You can do through this broken imperfect me. Do this through me - all the while not allowing me to loose one singe iota of creativity, sassyness, and pluck that You have bestowed in me. That is miracle stuff. Thank you for the miraculous.

Your mutating missionary
& Ebenezer

Remembering A. W. Tozer

2010-05-30T00:46:00.005-05:00

I have a cat.

Well, maybe I should say that I had a cat.

Well, maybe I should say that I had a cat and when I came to Germany I couldn't bring my cat; I asked my son and his wife to take care of my cat until I could bring him over with me;

Well, maybe I should say that I had a cat and when I came to Germany I couldn't bring my cat; I asked my son and his wife to take care of my cat until I could bring him over with me; I tried 4 times to get him here and they all failed; He was the neatest cat ever! I don't know why God never allowed him to come and live with me here; but he loved Grant and Amanda too.

Well, maybe I should say that I had a cat and when I came to Germany I couldn't bring my cat; I asked my son and his wife to take care of my cat until I could bring him over with me; I tried 4 times to get him here and they all failed; He was the neatest cat ever! I don't know why God never allowed him to come and live with me here; but he loved Grant and Amanda too. A.W.Tozer, my cat, died yesterday.

This cat was the first of many animals in my life that I chose that chose me too. Do you understand that? I have had animals all of my life. Some were supposed to be mine - but they found more joy with another member of my family. Some were supposed to be theirs - but they found more joy with me. A. W. Tozer was the first animal that I fell in love with that loved me back. He would sit on the large arm of my red prayer chair and curl into this little ball while I read, wrote or prayed. Anytime a book lay on my bed or ottoman, he would try to open it and lay on it. He loved books. He would sit on my headboard and try to catch the ceiling fan that never was turned off in my bedroom at 5309 Crawford Ct. house. He would follow me around. He was fast as lightening and so dad-gum smart. He opened doors, cabinets, and traveled everywhere with me. He was the first cat that I had a box for and we would go to Starbucks and he would sit in my lap while I drank a coffee and read. He never left my lap when we were sitting out and about. We traveled to Colorado for a jazz festival. We went on walks, he went with me on a leash. He met me at the door and when I wasn't home he would sit on the red prayer chair and wait for me. He was a love of a cat.

I thought about bringing him home with me when I came back from USA this time, but my daughter-in-love admitted she and my son would miss him. So I left him there. They loved AW Tozer and they cared for him in such a wonderful way. They had already seen him through a tough sickness and while I was home I saw the love and care that they demonstrated to AW. He slept in their room, on their prayer chair, and when they were home and snuggled into bed... he usually was right in the middle of the foot of that bed... purring.!!! My son would come home and they would play chase through the house and A. W. Tozer loved living with these two loving and giving people.

A dog attacked him and the puncture wounds were too drastic to heal. He passed into a world I only imagine.

Do I believe there will be animals in heaven. I don't know but I believe so. Do I believe there will be animals in the new world! YES! And A. W. Tozer - I believe will be there for me. Because he was a being that God gave me to experience a tiny little bit of heaven right here on earth. And I will miss him.

If you don't believe that animals go to heaven. If you find my belief offensive - don't comment. It makes no difference to me what you believe about this topic. It is not a salvation issue and anything that is not a salvation issue - I really don't have a desire to debate, be worried about, or spend time pondering. I believe that the love I had for my A. W. Tozer is a love that God gave me and He will handle whether I will see that little guy or not. I will trust Him with that - but no person can determine that. So - don't waste your energy.

Ebenezer lies on his bed before me. Ebenezer is another animal I love and he loves me. God gave me this animal to protect me, give me joy, allow me to be concerned for something on a daily basis other than myself, and that reminds me: responsibility has rewards, relationship can be worth all the inconvenience, and life is just wonderfully fun with an God-created being that we can be in dominion over... and all that that means. Are we good care-takers of what God has given us to care for?

Goodbye my dear one - see you when I get there.

Mutating Missionary
&Ebenezer

life...life...living...life!!!!!

2010-04-29T08:15:00.005-05:00

Returning from the United States about 24 hours ago, I find myself a bit tired. The flight was not as long as normal. I left from Atlanta instead of Dallas Fort Worth. The difference of a 12 hour vs. 8 hour flight. nice...

Ebenezer did well on the trip. He travels like a trooper. He rolls with the changes. How well can I do that? Isn't it interesting that the reality of everything always being in some sort of change is a good thing for us, but would be a bad thing for our God... God being outside of Time is immutable. With Time comes change. I left 3 months ago for the United States. I return to a changed environment, a changed group of individuals, and changed season. I left snow-covered mountains and housetops, and return to sunshine and blooming flowers. And remembering that the homes I left behind are now in some kind of metamorphosis reminds me that when I return all will have changed in the USA.

So, here and now, what does this change mean for me in my little world here in Germany. I don't know. I only know that the sovereign God who covers all things and stands still in the midst of chaos and change will bring about His order and His design. I have seen it over and over and over again. I know my God to be faithful to those who love Him and I know Him to be involved in their lives. So these lives that are intertwined with mine will be moving me toward a wonderful new place of worship and commitment in Him. It will be exciting to see how God uses the changes in this world to enhance my walk. Because He is immutable I rest in the assurance that our Relationship (dependant upon Him not me) is steadfast and true. I relish in the time spent In Him and with His children. Some are dealing with new challenges - challenges they would have never imagined to be in their lives 4 or 5 months ago. Some are celebrating endings and new beginnings. Some are wounded and walking around feeling rejected - trying desperately to control situations.

I know only this. That within the pages of His Word nuggets of wealth lie dormant to be discovered. When we allow Him to take us there and are open to searching His word, He will reveal all sorts of Himself to us and a peace that passes all understanding will cover us in these times of change.

Change is inevitable. With God change isn't so scary and we realize in short form that time and change are unable to be controlled. And as we recognize this truth we enjoy the beautiful blooms that burst forth into our lives and surprise us.

In other words, what we thought would be sometimes isn't and what we thought could never happen breaks us out of our nostalgic non-chalance and explodes into our lives in bold colors.

your mutating missionary
& ebenezer

more on manners?

2010-04-18T07:57:00.002-05:00

I do understand all of this going and coming and jobs and ifs and 'we just don't know' situations...

Good grief I put myself in the ball of those that wait to make a commitment because I just 'don't know'!

But, that is my question - what happened?

Will we ever get it back - I don't think so?

I'm not angry - or frustrated - just confused about our society. I think as time goes on we will morph into something else - and handle the problem in some other way - I was just pondering... how would Jesus handle the problem. Societies come up with problems and they must morph - wouldn't it be wonderful if we would purposefully morph thinking about how Jesus would handle things - I know... it is impossible - because we are ... hummm not Jesus - but I was just wondering.

and then of course I think dogs have the life - and as Ebenezer and Scout sit very patiently this morning waiting for my son to come out of his bedroom... giggle - I think: now that is the life ;-)

mutating missionary
& ebenezer

Manners

2010-04-17T08:31:00.005-05:00

I leave for home in less than 10 days. There are a few women and men that have come together to give this ministry a benefit fund-raiser and I am so thankful for their efforts.

But in all honesty I wish I could be more like Ebenezer. He lies on the floor, belly up, spread out for all to see. He is such a delight to me. I am thankful all of his paperwork is done and we are ready to fly back home in 10 days. Such red-tape!!! and then there is this whole volcanic ash issue - hopefully it will all be cleared in the amount of time I am ready to fly.

But then there is the flight from DFW to Montgomery. YIKES! Why do airlines just not take animals into the airport upon arrival - instead of denying them because of the weather. They could be the last ones on and the first ones off. Am I the only one that sees that as logistically not a problem?

I am dealing with many emotions upon this return. When asked what kinds of emotions, I must admit 'confusion' ranks right up there. I have all of these wonderful people that are supporting this benefit and only a few have sent an rsvp. I don't understand what is so difficult about shooting an e-mail or giving a call and saying, "Yes, I can come - no I can not come." Where have our manners gone?

Are we so individualistic that we cannot make a commitment to come to something until the last moment. I am reminded of when my children were younger and they would make a commitment to go with a friend somewhere. Then another opportunity would arise doing something way more fun and they would want to drop their previous commitment and go the the other thing. And to be honest most of their friends did just that.

My generation has come to be just as self-absorbed. We don't make a commitment until we see what all the options are. Then we do it at the last minute or even more self-absorbed we just show up thinking we are expected to be there. And I am just as bad as all of the rest. What has happened to our manners? Can we get them back?

I have a little keychain that my son gave me on this trip - he actually just picked it up because someone was selling them I think at his school or something. It is a little pink and green string of beads that has the WWJD beads in it. I took it because a friend is allowing me to use her son's truck and it had a chain that kept breaking. Anyway, I am wondering what would Jesus do in this culture, in this age, with this problem?

hummm

I kinda wish I could just be like ebenezer lying on the floor belly-up! Or maybe my 1 year old son taking his first steps...

Maybe I'll post something much more uplifting later - but for now these are my thoughts :)

mutating missionary
&ebenezer

remembering

2010-04-03T16:55:00.000-05:00

The eternity within me longs for the eternal home with Him. So glad I am blessed with knowing my family will join me. Pondering on this cool mid-moment morning in which we remember:

What must it have been like on the morning after? For mother, for friends, for family... It must have been so painful. This place of death, separation, anguish, shame. Mary once again – the mother - shamed by the world’s standards. Her beloved son...crucified. I wonder how it must have been to know that you held the savior of the world in your womb ... saw Him rejoiced over with Palms and Praising... And then, then trying to hold on to that truth in the midst of the reality of death. What pain Jesus Christ probably went through in knowing and watching her pain. He has such a warm heart for His own mother, for mothers, for women, for family. It must have been hard to watch them struggle during this time He was conquering DEATH!

ok

2010-03-31T01:10:00.001-05:00

Looks like it has something to do with pictures... YIKES!
Computer challenged: that's me :-)

why?

2010-03-31T01:05:00.000-05:00

This morning as I was once again asking God, "Why are we going down this road, God?" I was reminded how I don't really feel comfortable asking God "why?".

Then I was reminded: David sought for understanding constantly in his psalms and God said that David was a man after God's own heart.
I tend to associate questioning God with Job... Remember Job??? The guy that was really a good guy but Satan was allowed to attack him. The purpose being, a hope that Job would deny God. It didn't work. God knew better.
Job didn't turn away from God, but he did question Him. Job's questions were tinted, I believe, with the ever pleading "WHY ME, GOD?" You know the kind. "What have I done to deserve this?" I wonder if that is why God came back with "WHERE WERE YOU when I laid the foundations of the earth?" Hummm... Not a really good idea to question God.
But in Proverbs 4 we read:
"Hear, O sons, the instruction of a father, and give attention that you may gain understanding. For I give
you sound teaching; do not abandon my instruction. When I was a son to my father, tender and the only
son in the sight of my mother, then he taught me and said to me, "Let your heart hold fast my words; keep my commandments and live; acquire wisdom! Acquire understanding! Do not forget, nor turn away from the words of my mouth."
"Do not forsake her, and she will guard you; love her, and she will watch over you."
"The beginning of wisdom is: Acquire wisdom; and with all your acquiring, get understanding." "Prize her, and she will exalt you; she will honor you if you embrace her. She will place on your head a garland of grace; she will present you with a crown of beauty."
Proverbs 4:1-9
This brings me to wondering why I am so afraid to ask God, "Why?" I am not asking because I am questioning GOD! I am asking because I want to acquire understanding. I don't question what God is doing. I know that He is doing exactly what He is because He has a plan, I am in the plan, I am part of the plan, I am not the main actress, nor the bit part - I am the only one that can play this role that He has laid out for my life. I am important in that way, but other than that --- not so much! But, He delights in my asking, "Why?" "Why are You doing it this way? Is there something you want me to learn, to see, to change, to experience with YOU???"
Because of this I think I will continue to ask God, "Why?" and enjoy His teaching me through these days that aren't so clear in the moment. In these days that we wait for Him to return.
And I end with the last part of Chapter 4 of Proverbs:
"My son, give attention to my words, incline your ear to my sayings. Do not let them depart from your
sight, keep them in the midst of your heart. For they are life to those who find them, and health to all their whole body. Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life. Put away from
you a deceitful mouth and put devious lips far from you. Let your eyes look directly ahead, and let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you. Watch the path of your feet, and all your ways will be established.
Do not turn to the right nor to the left; Turn your foot from evil."=
Once again asking God to let me experience Him in my "Why?" 'schritt vor schritt (step by step)
Your mutating missionary
and ebenezer

2010-03-31T01:04:00.001-05:00

I am having all sorts of trouble making this blogspot work... I have done something that I don't understand doing...

coming to the water's edge

2010-02-19T11:46:00.009-06:00

How long has it been since you've come to the water's edge?

She sat across from me, her piercing blue eyes thrusting me back to years of memories of a friendship that has always been one of iron sharpening iron.

She asked, "Do we have the right to hold on to our shame and guilt?"

We had attended a mentoring class earlier that morning and had been challenged to look at our purposes for mentoring. It was a great class. The brainstorming of 'Who I Am' and 'Who I Am Not" as a mentor, was fun to watch. I sat in an American Church, a group of believers I knew not, and a wonderful warmth of honey oozed over me. The questions of each of the leaders were provoking and they prodded us to think beyond the 'standard verbage' and force the attendants to dig deeper. I soaked it in.

Later that evening we sat in my friend's living room. She was sharing what had been the topic the last time this group gathered. And this provoking question, "Do we have the right to hold on to our shame and guilt?" she pitched out to me.

Hummmm....Do we have the right to hold on to our shame and guilt? How have we stopped short of the full Gospel with those we mentor? Those that come to the cross and accept Him in their hearts with us as their guide? Have we brought them to what I call 'the water's edge' and walked them through accepting Christ's forgiveness for their sin but stopped short in explaining that in His sacrifice and atonement the sins are no more. If the sins are no more than there is no need to hold on to the shame and guilt they have produced - in essence didn't Christ's death put an end to our shame and guilt as well? Why do we insist on holding on to it? What are we gaining from holding on to it? What does holding on to it create within us? Are we walking in Christ if we choose to hold on to it?

Am I walking IN Christ if I choose to hold on to it?

I didn't really like this question. It jarred me. My first response: "Hey now! Don't mess with my shame and guilt. I got a lot and I ponder over it often." I mean I know that I'm saved by Grace and should be walking in freedom, but come on now... I wallow often! And I wallow in those waters long and hard with my Sweet Jesus.

And here it was. A proposition of water's opening and walking across on dry land. For the first time I pondered the possibility that by not entering into the fullness and letting go completely could I be hurting my Lord's heart. I don't know why I haven't thought about that before. Yes, I have thought about and owned how He died from my sins, that I am IN HIM, that He has washed me clean... but clean from my sins. I think I have held on to some shame in the process... some guilt in the process... WHY? Not to say I haven't intellectually thought of all of this - but it so often takes a new perspective to see a depth and force us to walk to the water's edge. Am I willing to stick my toe in and believe that His blood sacrifice in washing away my sin dissolved my shame and guilt?

I come to the water's edge.

im remembering my first days...

2010-02-09T23:04:00.008-06:00

in my apartment in Germany. They were days of confustion. Days filled with, "How did I get here?" "God will the furniture ever come?", "God will the language ever be understandable?" "God are you sure you meant me?... I am so unworthy, not really capable of speaking, don't have all the answers, in fact more questions than answers are in my head... God... Where are we going?"

But, now after 4 years I am so excited to see where He has lead, how He has lead and where He is leading! It is a miracle of sorts. So, as I sit in my son's home in Grapevine, Texas and contemplate the greatness of this God that I serve, I know that He has it all in His hands. I see that the last few years have been from His design in His way.

I gave a talk tonight and I heard a talk tonight. It was really great for me to hear. It confirmed so many things about my being in Germany. I was almost dancing on the table to have a man from another mission organization, with another mission vision, (but really the same), stand up and speak with such love and concern, such understanding of exactly where I am in Germany without him speaking about Germany at all. Yes, he was talking about another culture, another language, another ministry. But not. The most important thing in a culture is to learn their culture, their language, and then to teach them about the Bible... not about our own culture...I don't want to impose my Americanisms on any culture... I want to teach about things that transcend culture and also how to teach the bible... so they can teach... the nationals can teach the nationals... and we get out of the way and let God reveal Himself through the word... that they learn how test all that come after and see what God says in the Word about those philosophies... and then... and then... and then prayerfully the following generations will know Him and will seek Him! This is my prayer... this is my desire... this is my goal. And I will move forward and ask, "Who are you Lord?" and "What do you want from me?" over and over and over again. May He reveal Himself to me step by step. May He lead me in His paths and protect my steps. I love Him so and am so thankful to Him for His mercies that are new every morning. Can it be that He would love one such as I???? Can it be??? What a miracle - What a GOD!

your mutating missionary
& ebenezer

so ebenezer and I are back in the states

2010-01-30T22:24:00.002-06:00

I'm back in the states on HMA. What does this mean? Well, I am here for 2 or 3 months. I am meeting with a church tomorrow that grew me and loved me and encouraged me in days when I could barely function. A church in whom I learned many beautiful and wonderful truths of Who God is and who I am as a child of God. A church that has had a complete overhaul in the four years I have been on the field. The senior pastor has changed and many of the faces have changed. But there are those that remain. Those that chose not to leave the body. Some are struggling, but most are healing and moving into wonderful places of redemption. I like the new church. It is different. It is not the same. It has morphed. But isn't that what life is all about anyway? I am proud to call this church a supporting church of mine. Proud of them all!!!!

'Doing church' isn't easy anywhere. I know that we in Germany are moving and growing and there are always growing pains. But the 'doing' sometimes gets in the way of the 'being'... and being is always more important than the doing. I know some would disagree with me. Some would say we must have proof of our faith - and I understand that. But I believe that if our hearts are really moving into the being with Christ, the trusting in Him, (through the pains and through the confusions, through the joys and the celebrations) we WILL do. It is a natural outpouring of the BEING! I have no way of knowing whether you are being or just doing as you have no idea as to whether I am just doing and not being... but GOD! God knows our hearts. I am here and am grateful that from my own walk God has told me, "Trust me."

So... I walk into this new environment and trust Him. I plan for trips to unknown places and trust Him. I stay at one son's home and in turn at the other son's home trusting that God knows what each one needs from me and where I am to be daily as I walk down this road of renewal and refreshment.

May those that I meet with be renewed and refreshed by my walk as I am renewed and refreshed by HIM!

your mutating missionary
and ebenezer
ps... OK Brent - I blogged :) hugs to you!

a few of my favorite things

2010-01-15T08:58:00.002-06:00

My Bible: In the far lower left corner you will see my ancient, worn, incredibly inked up, Bible. It is my favorite version, the New American Standard. I have had it so long I think it might be formed to my face...I have a tendency to fall asleep reading it often. It is loved and longed for on long trips (because it is large I tend to leave it at home and bring only my handpurse small copy). I am trying to decide if I will bring it with me to the states for the few months I must return. This is a big decision and I am really not sure what to do. Bringing Ebenezer means that I will not have much room for other things - decisions, decisions, decisions.

My pens: I have an assortment of pens. They range from different colors and sizes to rapid ink flow, smooth ink flow, non-smear, hi-liter, ornate, heavy, light, and even glow in the dark! They represent my mood. Some people, i.e. baseball players, get into the feel of the grass under their feet or the smell of the ball after it grunges around in the the dirt, etc. etc. I get into pens!

My cola lite: I love cola light or pepsi lite or all sorts of other diet drinks... I know they are supposed to be killing my brain cells - but I'm still drinking them

My German learned love - Milchkaffee! - I love these. I cannot tell you how much I love German coffee. I live 30 minutes from France and do not enjoy the coffee there. I live 30 minutes from Switzerland and the coffee there is similar, but still not as good as this German Milch Kaffee! I am absolutely addicted to it. It is one part warm whipped milk (just plain milk) and one part German coffee. I love it.

Sharing a few of my favorite things means that I am sharing myself. God does that everyday with me as I see His hand in those people growing and loving Him more and more. When I walk into a coffee shop that one of my friends works at and find her reading her bible and writing her thoughts to Him in a journal. I find Him when I hear other girls I am mentoring sharing about what God is doing in their lives. I find Him in the music I play with my heart/harp friend as she prepares for Sunday morning worship. I find that He shares Himself with me over and over and over again. And I am thankful for His care. I am thankful for His personal touch. I am thankful for knowing that I am called to this place and He honors me with His presence daily.\

Mutating Missionary

& ebenezer

a little Oswald this morning

2010-01-08T02:07:00.004-06:00

? This is not a very popular discussion, but I turned to this a few days ago and have been pondering it since then. I shared it with my German Women's Bible Study group. -- we had to work through some of the words - but they got it. What do you think of this? It is not a very popular view point these days with all of us seeking to find what fits us best, etc. But, there are truths here that I am mulling over.

February 5th: My Utmost for His Highest: Are you Ready to be Offered?...

"Are you willing to be offered for the work of the faithful - to pour out your life blood as a libation on the sacrifice of the faith of others? Or do you say - "I am not going to be offered up just yet, I do not want God to choose my work. I want to choose the scenery of my own sacrifice; I want to have the right kind of people watching and saying, 'Well done.' "

It is one thing to go on the lonely way with dignified heroism, but quite another thing if the line mapped out for you by God means being a door-mat under other people's feet. Suppose God wants to teach you to say, "I know how to be abased" - are you ready to be offered up like that? Are you ready to be not so much as a drop in the bucket - to be so hopelessly insignificant that you are never thought of again in connection with the life you served? Are you willing to spend and be spent; not seeking to be ministered unto, but to minister? Some saints cannot do menial work and remain saints because it is beneath their dignity.

February 6th Are you Ready to be Offered? (My Utmost for His Highest - continued)

"I am already being poured out as a drink offering." 2 Tim 4:6

"I am ready to be offered." It is a transaction of will, not of sentiment. TELL God you are ready to be offered; then let the consequences be what they may, there is no strand of complaint now, no matter what God chooses. God puts you through the crisis in private, no one person can help another. Externally the life may be the same; the difference is in will. Go through the crisis in will, then when it comes externally there will be no thought of the cost. If you do not transact in the will with God along this line, you will end in awakening sympathy for yourself.

"Bind the sacrifice with cords, even unto the horns of the altar." The altar means fire - burning and purification and insulation for one purpose only, the destruction of every affinity that God has not started and of every attachment that is not an attachment in God. You do not destroy it, God does; you bind the sacrifice to the horns of the altar; and see that you do not give way to self-pity when the fire begins. After this way of fire, there is nothing that oppresses or depresses. When the crisis arises, you realize that things cannot touch you as they used to do. What is your way of fire?

Tell God you are ready to be offered, and God will prove Himslef to be all you ever dreamed He would be."

OSWALD CHAMBERS

Your mutating missionary

& ebenezer

verse by verse

2010-01-07T01:35:00.005-06:00

2 Timothy 4:9
"Make every effort to come to me soon"

2 Tmothy 4:13

"When you come bring the cloak which I left at Troas with Carpus, and the books, especially the parchments."

These two verses are two of my favorite in this entire book (2 Timothy). I know there are others that are inspiring, zB. "I have fought the good fight...". I know that there are many that are powerfully available for encouragement. I have used them all of my Christian life - to gain strength, to be grounded, to hear Him speaking, "don't give up"

But in these two verses in the last chapter of his last written letter Paul sits in his vulnerability and humanity - his day in day out life: Does God meet us there?

I believe that Paul found Him there. Because of this Paul could find Him in the grand verses we memorize.

your mutating missionary

and ebenezer

being met in the day in day out life by the lover of my soul

hello from USA

2009-12-13T23:00:00.001-06:00

(this was written the morning I was trying to leave for USA - my computer went blitzo and I couldn't post it.)
I've sat down approximately 15 times in the last few days to write something. I am burning to write and yet the words are pouring too fast in my brain to type them out.

What do I write about? the last 6 hours of procrastination packing?

the last 6 days in preparations for going to see my family in USA?

the last 6 weeks in language school?

the last 6 months with God?

the last 6 years of romance with the Lover of My Soul?

I don't know if I can explain all that is jumping around in my head. He is everywhere and leading me in ways I cannot always understand. Sometimes I feel that I will cave in this place and sometimes I fly because He is using me in such incredible ways. It is a glorious walk.

****

This was written this morning at 6:00 am in the USA

In this moment I am snuggled in one my son's leather couches in the good ole' USA. I came for my daughter's graduation. I spoke and hugged my mom. Neither one enough - satisfying enough - long enough - healing enough...

Saw my sister.

Had an incredible 4 days of family and getting to know my daughter's boyfriend's family. We were good, we enjoyed each other, we were relaxed and loving - laughter filled the houses, the restaurants, the shops we visited - we were good. We might not ever be together in that way again. All of us able to unite. Wonderful! May God be praised in the healing.

God confirms my walk in Europe daily. I am thankful for His hand. I fly home to Germany in a little over 24 hours. Today will be filled with the final stitches of this memorable trip. And then I fly... back to Ebenezer, to loved ones that speak a different language, to friends that are growing in the Lord, to my heart friend and my sweet little sister, to my co-workers for Him, to my completely different life, to my old/new surroundings, to work, to my Alisa Lorraine (my harp), to all that I consider another journey junction in this story that is leading me to Him in final glory.

I think God allowed me to have one of my 'waiting' scenarios completed and gave me what I have been hoping for and praying for this trip. Over 20 years has passed and I am thrilled at the joy I have to call my family, my family. All of them. Yes, I am thankful and blessed. My children, my children's spouses, my children's father and his family. Yes, I am blessed. Even my children's spouses families... God has graced us with so much.

no pics... not on my own computer ... but hope to write again soon. Still must share that event that turned me on my ear recently! Till then...

Bis dann!

mutating missionary

& ebenezer

so today is a multiple post day...

2009-12-09T00:13:00.005-06:00

For months I haven't posted regularly. I have not one iota of understanding why. I know that I am, as is said here in Germany "standing between two stools". One is the English language and the other the German language. One is the American culture the other is the German culture. One is living within coffee drinking distance of my children and the other an ocean and half-a-country away.

But even in my daily writing I have wained. It has been a bit disconcerting for me.

In 24 hours I will be sitting at the Zürich airport awaiting my flight home. I visit for five days, travel for 2. Just looking at those numbers makes me tired. But, I am so thankful to the people and the loved ones that have helped me see my daughter graduate. It is so amazing to be able to do this. I cannot tell you. I had no plans - no thoughts - this would be a possibility.

It comes after a long stint in language school. I have said this before, but I say it again. I can speak German. I really can. I am better and better at it. But I am not good enough yet. I have moved beyond the sweet little Mexican woman that I so empathize with. You know the one? I told you about her in my first few months here. I told you about sitting in my classroom in LISD and speaking with this sweet little old lady that came daily to clean my classroom. She would smile at me and she would, in very broken English, say something to me. I would respond in Spanish, and she would fly into her mother tongue thinking that I could understand what she said. She would speak with fervor and with power. But, then she would realize she had lost me and go back to this pained 'searching for every word and syllable’ conversation. It was gruesome.

I am beyond that. I can carry on conversations with many mistakes, but carry them on. The people that I am speaking with can understand what I am saying and we have laughed and cried and been friends. But, I am still not where I need to be. I must be pretty good to teach a bible study. So, I continue in language school in April or May.

I listened to one of my 'boys' preach on his blog in Spanish yesterday. He is a missionary in Guatemala. I have watched him grow up and am now privileged enough to watch him rear his family on the mission field. They have it pretty rough. But, he spoke with such fluidity - I was a bit envious. Learning a language in school is an advantage.

Another young woman that I have watched grow up is living here as a newlywed. She is not as close to me in proximity as I would like. When she came I was in the midst of heavy duty ministry and headed to language school. So I haven't gotten to see her. She studied German in school as well. She writes it beautifully. I wish I knew as much of the German language Grammatik as she knows. But, she is dealing with homesickness, frustrations with the culture and basically, and huge questions as to 'why in heaven's name she ever wanted to come to this country' feeling. I CAN RELATE! I hope to see her in January.

I have cousins and a nephew here. I haven't seen either.

So... my intrigue of how and why I am here in a foreign land with no school preparations in my past - why I have not written so often of late - and why haven't I been able to connect with those that are here in Germany like I would have liked are all roaming around in my head.

But right now I am itching to write. I'm itching to share something that happened in these last few weeks. So today will be a multiple post day. 'Feast or famine.'
:-)
mutating missioanary
& ebenezer

"Ich, Jesus, bin der helle Morgenstern" Offenbarung 22,16
"I Jesus am the Bright and Morning Star" Revelation 22:16

this time of year

2009-12-08T23:48:00.003-06:00

A forever friend of mine regularly forwards me something from a newsletter she receives. This excerpt I found good enough to pass on.

Enjoy:

"This a time of year when humans long for love, too. A Christmas song can send you stumbling out of the hardware store in tears, the errand that brought you there forgotten, drowned in a rush of memory of what you had, but have no longer. Or maybe what you never had, and always wanted. But there's a way to find love and meaning besides the one you're missing now, whatever that one was. We make new families when our old ones have left us behind. We find new loves when we lose the old ones -- not like the old ones, for no two are ever alike. Was it your mother, your father? You won't find another one, but the love you learned is still in you, waiting to be used again in another way. A spouse? They'll never make another one like that one, either, and you may never marry again, but you do still know what you learned from life together.

How do you find love again? By being a complete person, one who knows how to give and how to receive even the smallest thing with a contentment willing to grow into joy. Our loves all help form us into loving people, and we don't ever have to lose that. Because, no matter what has been taken from us, we are still who we are."

by: The Almost-Daily eMo from the Geranium Farm Copyright © 2001-2009 Barbara Crafton - all rights reserved

sorry i've been gone...

mutating missionary

& ebenezer

Fragen... question

2009-11-02T03:08:00.004-06:00

If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things.
- Rene Descartes

Ich glaube das ist wahrheit. Ich habe das getan. Ich bin ganz sicher -- mein Gott ist GOTT!

I believe this is truth. I have done this. I am completely sure -- my God is GOD!

Ich danke Gott, dass er deises Freundinnen zu mir mitgebraucht. Jetzt, ihnen suchen die Wahrheit.
I thank God, that he brought these girls to me. Now, they seek the Truth.

mutating missionary

& ebenezer

PS: "If I obey Jesus Christ, the Redemption of God will rush through me to other lives, because the deed of obedience is the Reality of Almighty God." Oswald Chambers - My Utmost for His Highest

November my Birthday MONTH

2009-11-01T04:39:00.007-06:00

Excerpt from my journal this morning:

November 1, 2009

I am blessed!

It is November 2009. I have survived and actually thrived for almost 4 years of living in a foriegn country.

I have ( ALL while not being fluent in the language - in fact in the beginning speaking with hand and feet):

moved across the Atlantic ocean
bought a car
set up house
lived without kitchen and furniture for over 2 months
designed a kitchen
had a kitchen installed
bought and installed lights
learned the driving laws
dealt with a foriegn business to install phone
dealt with a foriegn business to deliver and put together furniture
gotten a German driver's license
bought and had installed washer and dryer
learned how to use them
learned how to shop
learned how to maintain a car
learned how to order in a restaurant
learned how to travel
learned how to make reservations over phone
learned how to get/give directions
learned how to converse in German
learned how to drink tons of coffee
learned how to make doctors appointments
learned how to get help in the emergency room
learned how to have an operation in a foriegn country
learned how to travel into other foriegn countries
bought and learned how to play a harp
learned how to be sensitive to different cultures
learned I really am proud to be an American
learned how to walk shoulder to shoulder in a foriegn land with brothers and sisters in Christ
learned how to lead women that don't speak my language to the Lord
learned how to teach inductive bible studies in German (not well - but done)
learned how to laugh softer but harder
learned how to cry louder and longer
learned I can be incredibly angry with other cultures
learned that God is truly with me where ever I go.

your mutating, mutating, mutating missionary

& ebenezer

Don't Let Me Go

2009-10-29T18:16:00.008-05:00

My bedroom holds many memories of family and friends. My red-prayer-chair sits in my bed room, as does this card my mom gave me for my birthday one year. Every year around my birthday I remember the day she gave it to me. It was in the year 2000. I had met a man on a plane in October after coming home from a mission trip to Holland over the summer. This man would change my life. He took me down a road of expectation. I hadn't been down that road for many years. He was and is a famous jazz musician.

But this one card holds memories of that experience because my mom was having to deal with the possiblity that I might, just might begin a relationship with a man that she 'culturally' might have problems accepting, and yet knowing that as the wonderful believer she is ... well, she would just have to! If we loved each other.

The card is in black and white and says, "What a delightful difference one single life makes!" The card had/has many levels of meaning. The possiblity of the married kind of love for me was real. It might have happened - but 9-11 sent us on different paths. His pain in New York was great - my pain in Flower Mound was given to God.

and He carries this one single life - continually!

<a href="http://emilyriddle.bandcamp.com/track/dont-let-me-go">Don't Let Me Go by Emily Riddle</a>

mutating missionary
& ebenezer
PS my favorite line in the above song: Teach me to pray, Teach me to love to obey, Teach me to pray.

herbst - not the kind the orthodontist uses...

2009-10-22T09:55:00.004-05:00

I love autumn, fall, herbst!
I find it tantalizing. Such a hint of playfulness. The leaves dance in the wind and then fall to create a blanket on the floor of mother earth, they turn different colors overnight. The wind whips around corners and haunts my bedroom. The sun chooses which hours to shine and which hours to hide away behind the clouds.
I love autumn, fall, herbst!

and it is a season when all of my creative juices bubble!

mutating missionary
& ebenezer

Does He NEED you/me to do it? Does He NEED you/me to do anything?

2009-10-21T02:17:00.000-05:00

Who grows a church?

I'm involved with a group of wonderful people on the other side of my past world and we desire to build a church.

This is our desire.

You might ask why? Isn't Germany the home of Luther? of the great theological minds? of huge churches and wide and deep histories?

Yes. It is.

But... people here are considered out dated if they actually believe what the bible says about God.

So... do you think that Satan would really be without concern for a church that has a really good biblical teacher, praise music that most hear only in concert halls, a few people (30-50) attending regularly and living life out with each other, hungry new believers, and hearts that are completely God's. Do you think that maybe he would hummmmm like.... not really want this to happen?

I've been wondering how he might try to clip our wings. But... this I know!

Nothing happens in the life of a believer that is not sifted through the loving hands of a loving and compassionate God. The spiritual attacks, the physical attacks, the poor choices, the unwise decision... somehow... somehow... God will triumph.

Why? Because He said He would. Because it is not about us. He will not allow His name to continue to be sullied. He will not... He will not...

And so when I don't understand something, when I am confused in this place, when I watch my loved ones hurt and hurt for them, when I discern choices for positive or negative in this body of believers, where do I run? When I have others come to me and ask why someone is doing something... and grow tired of saying, talk to that person...

Where do I run? Where do I run?

Into the arms of a sovereign God. He who allows us to suffer the consequences of our own actions, but will not allow Satan to destroy us.
I wonder... does He ever get tired of my having to remind myself of these facts?

He grows His church.

I really need Him to hold me during the growing pains though. I really need Him to hold me.

Because I know that the consequences don't last for just a week... they last a life time.

what is in a name?

2009-08-20T12:31:00.009-05:00

Names are very important to me. They stand for something. I have three children and much thought and prayer was given before I named each one.
My oldest (Bryce Derek = Breach and Swift Moving: I thought that appropriate since he was a breach birth and 3 months premature) / (Erin Leigh = Peaceful Meadow: and she truly is our conflict resolution specialist) / (Grant Douglas = Great Provider: He has provided us with more than money sense during his short life on this earth. At about 13 years old he won a tough guy award because he didn't cry from being stung by a wasp on a boyscout camp out. He climbed into the car afterward and told me, "Mom, it isn't hard not to cry about a wasp sting. Wasp stings go away. What really hurts and is the pain in a person's heart. That pain isn't so easy not to cry about.")

Names are very important.

Today in my readings I came across Gideon. Gideon, you probably have heard about him. He was the guy that God called to get Israel back on track. He was chosen by God to get the Midianites out of control. He destroyed a temple of Baal (his father's) and gave an offering to the one True God. And God was pleased. But, the neighbors were not!

They sought out the culprit that destroyed the temple and found out it was Gideon. They went after him and his dad 'protected (?)' him. The story goes like this:

"They said to one another, "Who did this thing? And when they searched about and inquired, they said, "Gideon the son of Joash did this thing." Then the men of the city said to Joash. "Bring out your son, that he may die, for he has torn down the altar of Baal, and indeed, he has cut down the Asherah which was beside it." But Joash said to all who stood against him, "Will you contend for Baal, or will you deliver him?" Whoever will plead for him shall be put to death by the morning if he is a god, let him contend for himself, because someone has torn down his altar."

Therefore on that day he named him Jerubbaal, that is to say "Let Baal contend against him." because he had torn down his alter." Judges 6:29-32 (read more about the way that God helped Gideon in Judges... but then later in chapter 7 it begins:

"Then Jerubbaal (that is, Gideon) and all the people who were with him rose early and camped beside the spring of Harod; and the camp of Midian was on the north side of them by the hill of Moreh in the valley. The LORD said to GIDEON (emphasis mine), "The people who are with you are too many for Me to give Midian into ther hands. for Israel would become boastful, saying, "My own power has delivered me."

GREAT stories!!!

But back to the point of this blogspot. Names. This morning, I found it interesting that people changed Gideon's name, but God still called him Gideon! There are times in the word where God has changed people's names. Sara, Saul, etc. etc. And He also tells us that He has given us a secret name that only He knows. This name He will give us when He sees us face to face and I believe our hearts will leap when He calls us by this name.

But this is the only place that I have taken notice of people giving someone a name and God not going along with it.

How often do we give people names? labels? How often do we give ourselves names? labels? What names does our God call us?

Mine is rre: chosen daughter of the king! Not: woman who has left her own 'successful'career and life to become a 2 year old in a foreign land unable to converse over the smallest and most simple theological truths!!!!!!! ---- this is so often what I feel like.

However, I can certainly get none of the glory for any fruit that is being harvested!!!!!!!! AND His Name is being glorifyed as fruit is being harvested!!!

and I am so excited that He allows me to worship and adore Him. May I do it the rest of my life.

mutating missionary

& ebenezer

2009-08-19T02:08:00.002-05:00

"The men of Judah attacked Jerusalem also and took it. They put the city to the sword and set it on fire. After that the men of Judah went down to fight against the Canaanites living in the hill country, the Negev and the western foothills. They advanced against Canaanites living in Hebron ...and defeated Sheshai, Ahiman, and Talmai. From there they advanced against the people living in Debir.... And Caleb said, 'I will give my daughter Acsah in marriage to the man that attacks and captures Kerith Sepher." Othniel son of Kenaz, Caleb's younger brother, took it. So Caleb gave his daughter Acsah to him in marriage.
One day when she came to Othniel she urged him to ask her father for a field. When she got off her donkey, Caleb asked her, "What can I do for you?"
She replied, "Do me a special favor. Since you have given me land in the Negev, give me also springs of water."
Then Caleb gave her the upper and lower springs. Judges 1:8-15

I am really amazed sometimes at how much I don't know the word of God. I don't know how many times I have read this passage. I don't know how many times I have skimmed this passage. But, I have never been captured by these verses before. Was Acsah greedy? Spoiled? Worried?
As I read the verses I see much war, much uncomfortableness, much going on. I know for me seeing those I love go off and not come back from a war situation is disconcerting. I remember Viet Nam, The Gulf War, and now what is going on in the middle east...
But, this woman was bound to a warrier. He had conquered and she was his reward. I don't see her as spoiled. She did what her father required. (I don't see anywhere that anyone asked her who she wanted to marry) She was obedient to her father and married the guy. But then she asks her husband to ask for land. He does and Caleb gives it. I wonder was she aware of the brevity of life and wondering how to make sure that she was taken care of. She asks her father and he gives her what she asks. I don't think this was wrong or selfish. I think that she was thinking of her needs and making sure she and any descendents she had would be taken care of. Remember he husband was a warrier...
I am not going into all of the ins and outs of this scripture... Just pondering it.
I might come back and say none of this was correct, she was a jerkett and she was selfish as is evidenced later in this verse and that verse...
But, right now I am pondering that fact that she was provided for. Not only that she was provided for but she realized that she needed springs - springs of running water. When she got off her donkey, I can just imagine Caleb seeing a concern in her face. Because he asks her, "What can I do for you?' Have you ever heard God ask that? I have.

I am asking God to give me springs of water. He has given me SO much. I am thankful. But there is a disturbance within me. I want Him even more. I am asking Him to pour Himself over me with fresh springs of living water and for me to swim in the love that I know He has for me.
And I am asking for springs of water from my heavenly Father who has already given me land. I am asking because He is asking me, "What can I do for you?" I ask for more of Him.

mutating missionary
& ebenezer

2009-08-14T17:27:00.003-05:00

that wonderful quote:

Bloom where you are planted!

2009-08-12T02:25:00.000-05:00

It has been a while since I last posted. I have now returned from Czech Republic, looking forward to a short visit with company from the USA, work has been exhilarating and a bit taxing and I've been pondering in the wee hours L-I-F-E when L-I-F-E hasn't been moving at an ICE Zug's speed! (the fast train in Europe)...

When I get several notices from friends and family that they are worried about me because of this long absence, and they are ready for some new thoughts and pictures... I must admit it causes me to wonder - what shall I write about?

The work that is going on here?

The new avenues God is bringing me down?

The old cracked roads He is mending?

The smiles, the tears, the laughter, the joy? (which as we all know the latter may or may not consist of happiness...)

I honestly don't know. There are so many facets in my life right now. So much that is happening. And yet most of it is too personal and too intimate to share on an internet site. Too many people living life in a new way and seeing God's hand move in their hearts and their lives.

And yet, some say, they still would like to hear what is happening in my heart, in my life, in my world.

And there I stop. My world. It has so expanded and so exploded in the last few years. And yet, has it changed? I still wake each morning glad for another day, interested in what it holds in store, intrigued at the different nuances and the fun new angles He brings.

Relationships are, as always, difficult. They mean that one must remove themselves of their pre-suppositions and receive what is offered. I learned long ago not to judge a book by it's cover (so trite and yet so true). Some very 'normal' people are not normal and some very 'abnormal' people are as right as rain. I've never enjoyed the labels the world attaches to almost any and every person.

And so you have it... another random ranting from your mutating missionary (giggles, laughs, sighs, a few tears, and a great big hug to the world that God has given me to love!)

mutating missionary

& ebenezer

2009-08-01T01:02:00.000-05:00

A few pictures, a few words, a wonderful chapter of wisdom. Sharing with you my world:

ATTENTION:

June and July are missing -- Does anyone know where it went?

I become more and more aware of the scriptures that deal with the brevity of life as I sometimes live too fast on this world. And yet, the scriptures that deal with life are the ones that I have been meditating on.

May was a time of remembrances for me. I enjoyed a 'conversation' of sorts on this blogspot with my sister and a cousin of ours. We rambled down memory lane and I completely swam in the reality that one cannot get away from one's gene pool.

One comment on the blogspot made the assumption that we were English teachers - and if we were that would make these comments sensible. Alas, no ... we are none of us English Teachers. My sister did major in English during her second stent at University, and I am a Reading/Writing specialist and a Creative Workshop Writer Trainer - but English Teacher - No!!!!! We are not.

One might ask, "Why not?" The answer is simple: She because writing is her love, and I because creativity is mine ;-)

No, we are simply Eas***m girls. We enjoy words. We enjoy the play, the toil, and even the surprises that words ignite.

However, my Aha! moment came upon my cousin's entry. We have rarely seen each other in our grown-up years. And yet here on the cyber-page her words were warm and melodic. They echoed my sister's and mine. It caused me to ponder for a long time over gene-pools! That, with the words written on the last post, has set me down a new road, a road to remember and take hold of the truths of this Proverb: (most of you will stop reading now... because what I write is the entire chapter of Proberbs 3 - das ist schade = that is a pity = that is too bad. My prayer is that you read and contemplate where God is speaking to you. I know I have.

Proverbs 3

My son, do not forget my teachings, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity. Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man. Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones. Honor the LORD with your wealth and with the firstfruits of all your crops; then your barns will be overflowing and your vats will brim over with new wine. My son do not despise the LORD's discipline, and do not resent His rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those He loves as a father, the son he delights in. Blessed is the man who finds wisdom, who gains understanding, for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold. She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her. Long life is in her right hand; in her left are riches and honor. Her ways are pleasant ways and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who embrace her; those who lay hold of her will be blessed. By wisdom the LORD laid the earth's foundations, by understanding he sat the heavens in place; by His knowledge the deeps were divided, and the clouds let drop the dew. My son, preserve sound judgment and discernment, do not let them out of your sight; they will be life to you, an ornament to grace your neck. Then you will go on your way in safety; your foot will not stumble; when you lie down you will not be afraid; when you lie down your sleep will be sweet. Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked, for the LORD will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being snared. Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act. Do not say to your neighbor, "Come back later, I will give it to you tomorrow" when you have it with you. Do not plot harm to your neighbor, who lives trustfully near you. Do not accuse a man for no reason, when he has done you no harm. Do not envy a violent many or chose any of his ways, for the LORD detests a perverse man but takes the upright into his confidence. The LORD's curse is on the house of the wicked, but He blesses the home of the righteous. He mocks proud mockers, but gives grace to the humble. The wise inherit honor, but fools he holds up to shame.

Now, I stop today and thank my LORD. I thank Him for my gene pool, for my life, for my love, for my days, for my ebenezer. I thank HIM and beg Him to create in me the person that can read this chapter and sleep well.

mutating, mutating, mutating missionary

by the way did you hear the angels sing about a week ago? One of the women I am mentoring made a life surrendering commitment to our LORD! We went to a small chapel, prayed together, and she hasn't stopped smiling since.

mutating

2009-05-23T03:37:00.003-05:00

exhausted by lukewarmness...

read this phrase on a wonderful friend's blog...

i'm pondering

2009-05-22T03:27:00.002-05:00

have you ever been in a place where you understood the language but you still felt like you were in a foriegn country...
This is life for me right now. I seem to be walking down this long endless walkway - I look out of the windows and don't know where I am - I have been walking down this walkway for a long time - it seems like I have gotten no where - I slip into doubts and fears.... step through another threshold to remind myself that those are no longer 'who I am' and surely not worthy of 'whose I am' and I walk on - and then I move into this quaint spot with all of these possibilites and I get excited about starting on one and God says --- wait a minute --- we are not through walking down the endless walkway --- there are still places you haven't discovered --- still intimacies I desire to share with you --- still surprises around those endless corners! --- still life to be lived and loved...
so I pack up my possibilities and hand them to Him --- and keep walking --- whispering to Him and Him whispering back --- to the left --- to the right --- watch that step --- grab your coat --- sit on the bench and rest for a while... sit on the bench and rest...

I think I will head down to the local backerie and sit with a milchcoffee and ponder. I love Friday Sabbaths...
Have a great day - and prayers requested :-)
mutating missionary

2009-05-21T08:16:00.006-05:00

in great form for walking and praying... I think days like this are wonderful for meditating on His Ascension... great to live in a place that totally shuts down for days like these... sad to live in a place that really doesn't know why they shut down for this day... just another one of those religious holidays we get to benefit from... no meditation, no thoughts toward Him, nothing but wandering in the streets of small resort towns and window shopping, or getting together with friends to grill and get drunk ... and then... there is this core of believers that just rocks! This little hidden group that love God in such a sweet way, that remember Him, that celebrate Him, that celebrate this day, and use it for what it was meant to be used for... community with Him and those that love Him. As someone once said to me, "Aslan is on the move!"

May He find me faithful to the end.

jots and thoughts today :-0)

2009-05-06T02:29:00.012-05:00

So, recently I was reviewing some writings of my past. I came up on the Jots and Thoughts from yesterday. But, I also came across a prayer request journal from about the same time. In this prayer request journal I realized: of the 5 things that I was praying over - deep and big things -four of them have been not only answered but given a resound yes to. What is even more interesting, only in the last few months has one of the prayers been answered; and the prayer request date was in 2001.

We are so quick to give up in our prayers. And yet, here I sit having all of these things answered. If I had not written them down, I probably would not have realized that I had even prayed for them. That is one of my big reasons for logging my prayers. I love seeing His hand answer.

But, what intrigues me more today is the prayers. The actual requests. Right now, I am in the same position as I was in 2001. I don't know exactly what to pray for, have got no answers, don't know what questions to ask exactly. But, I know that my prayers are vital. I know that they deepen my relationship with my God. I think I am always just a little bit confused as to what door to walk through. Whether to go up the stairs, or stay in the hall. Am I a young child in this position or am I old and worn out? Do I want to sit with the crowd or sit alone? Or even more importantly, where do YOU want me to sit, Lord? Which stringed instrument am I? Am I a cello or a harp? What did you make me to be? What music should I be playing Lord? Where do You want me to start?

These questions and more. But, I write them down and I pray them out, and I seek His word for answers, and watch His hand move in my life and I love this relationship of very weak servant to very GRAND LORD! And I enter the ballet. And even if I am only one tiny bit player, a drummer, or a ballerina, in His grand production - I know that I am in the dance... really in the dance!!!!!

May your days be filled with entering the dance. I encourage you to save the prayers in a journal. There to be seen and remembered for years to come.

Jots and Thoughts from 2001...

2009-05-05T13:12:00.004-05:00

What should I pray???????
Has this question ever entered your mind? For me it is a constant concern. Right now I have 3 wonderful children all at different places in their lives. I too, am at a watershed. We are all looking and questioning and begging God to answer our prayers. We pray for each other. We ache for each other. Yet we still must come back to the reality - we don’t have all the answers or even all the questions @#$@#$#$^$#%@#!@#$@^$ This does cause concern. As I slip into the reality of my inadequacies I am reminded of the reality of God’s Adequacy. His word promises us the Holy Spirit picks up where we leave off. Our groanings are translated and meet God’s ears in complete perfection. When we do not know how or what to pray He listens to our tearful wailing --- understands what we are asking for --- knows what we need that is best for us (or our loved ones) --- and rushes in to place our prayer before our God. He so perfects our cries that we can trust His translation will be the very best solution. We can trust the Holy Spirit to minister to us and to those we love in this wonderful way. When you have spent your last ounce of energy and cried your last tear, KNOW THIS…
The Holy Spirit lifts your tears, holds them, rearranges them, corrects them and makes them known to God the Almighty; the maker of this earth, your defender, provider, protector, your GOD! WOW! What a place to drop your salty tears. with… Him J
Because He is I am,

mutating missionary

2009-04-11T11:35:00.002-05:00

If there were no God, there would be no Atheists. - G. K. Chesterton
She was a woman who, between courses, could be graceful with her elbows on the table. - Henry James
Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it. - Henry David Thoreau

I think I could write a book using these 3 quotes that were written on MSN today...

mutating missionary

2009-03-27T11:40:00.005-05:00

sooooo Remember Moses? The fella that God orchestrated a life that was well - worth a script in a movie...

I've been re-reading through the bible and came up on something that I know I have read before but it just didn't have the same impact as it did this time. (I love that about the bible - everytime I read it God teaches me something new)

And another thing about God... He brings something across my path in multiple venues when He wants me to listen. I think He was using a megaphone this time. I think I came across scripture around this particular verse in about 4 different contexts!

So, Miriam and Aaron are a bit irritated with Moses for taking a Cushite woman and marrying her. So picking up in Chapter 12:1 of Numbers:

Then Miriam and Aaron spoke against Moses because of the Cushite woman who he had married (for he had married a Cushite woman); and they said, "Has the LORD indeed spoken only through Moses? Has He not spoken through us as well?" and the LORD heard it, (Now the man Moses was very humble, more than any man who was on the face of the earth.)

"The man Moses was very humble, more than any man who was on the face of the earth."

This is the part that hit me. Yes, Miriam and Aaron were punished for being so mean. But Moses. God calls Moses the most humble man on earth. This is the man He had placed in a position to learn and be taught the ways of a prince. He had been like a son to the royalty in Egypt. He murdered an Egyptian in defense of a Jew. He ran away and stayed away for a long time. God brought him back and used him to bring His people out of Egypt.

He was intimate... INTIMATE with God. God spoke with Moses. INTIMATE. Oh for that intimacy. Oh for that intimacy - and yet. Don't you wonder if one of the reasons for the intimacy was this factor of his character. He was humble. Humility is a hard road to walk. Pride so easily takes precedence. Pride, that ugly independence that pushes us away from God - Pride the instigator in most arguments - Pride the opposite of Humility. And yet, humility is not being a door mat. Moses was no door mat. Moses simply thought of others more often than he did himself. More like Jesus in that way. And he thought of God most of all. I love reading about him.

There is a new quiz out on Facebook - what bible character are you? Several people are coming up as Moses'. Wonder if humility plays a factor in these testings?

"Now the man Moses was very humble, more than any man who was on the face of the earth." Numbers 12:3

humble

humility

God

intimate

intimacy

humble

mutating missionary

"There's no place like home." RubyRedSlippers tap,tap,tap' "There's no place like home" RubyRedSlippers 'tap,tap,tap' "There's no place like home....

2009-03-22T08:18:00.010-05:00

I'm home...

Sounds funny to say. I live in Germany. I am an American. An English speaker, writer, reader and lover of words. But, God has placed me here. I don't know this language well enough. I can communicate, have a coffee, even get into discussions over politics and deeper spiritual issues, but not without a 'Woerterbuch' (language dictionary). I recently traveled to the Konstanz area for 4 weeks of language school. This was a repeat of October and November for me. It was hard, but not as hard as the first time. I took better care of myself. But, I was still ready to come home, and still came home sick!

I have moved over 30 times in my life. I lived the longest time in the last home I bought in Texas. It became home to me. I lived in Cincinnati and in West Haven, Connecticut. These two places also became home to me. The other places... not so much. That doesn't mean that I didn't enjoy them, enjoy my friendships while there, (some of which I still partake) and even found great comfort in some of these homes. But, when I look back and contemplate that feeling of home - that belonging... I can honestly say No. Not so much...

Home? Am I really home? I love the people here. I love my apartment location and even my apartment. It is quaint, albeit small :-) But, am I home? I must admit that even though I don't speak the langauge here - I fit here better than in most of the places that I have lived in my life. I fit with the climate, the terrain, the history, the love of the arts. I've found an interesting 'fittedness' in a sport I am not a part of - but watch because people I love are playing. Hummm... really interesting 'fittedness' in this story... I fit here in this place on many levels..

But - do I really fit? Of course not. The culture, the language, the history, ... the history - that says so many things. This country has the wounds and the gaping holes still of a war-torn country. Not necessarily in the buildings anymore - but in the hearts. And then the absence of knowing God. That is an entirely different discussion. But, back to home:

Home? So many people I talk to confess in the deepest part of themselves they don't fit. They don't belong. And isn't it so? We are made in the image of God and our home is with Him. We will not be completely home until we see Him face to face. We are sojourners, passers-by, travelers, and raggamuffins. We are the torn and the weary, the lost and the worn. But, those of us that have received His gift of salvation are redeemed and actually heading home. It is a journey that is not for the faint hearted, nor for the one that desires to make their home here. We are traveling companions with the Holy Spirit. And the home we run to is the resting place for the saints.

I am glad I know this is not my home. And yet thankful that God has given me a home that I enjoy in the meantime. May you be blessed in your surroundings as well. Whether it be from the smiles of a friend, a beautiful sunset, an enjoyable haven in the mess, or even a comfortable chair. May you spend some time today thankful that you have a home that you are going to.

and then some of my "Ahhh...I'm home!" responses are surprisingly pleasant and unexpected... found in safe places beyond four walls... .ok... so God understands why, how, and even WHAT????? I certainly don't understand this surprising spot. ....... and so I tread here lightly, timidly, one toe in and one toe out. ...trusting Him who IS.

May God be glorified in the wait.

mutating missionary

2009-03-19T12:46:00.002-05:00

me on the road! :-)

i've been hit with the guilts - sorry for not posting - i love reading someone's post that is now on 'vacation' with the possibility of not returning ... i have been in language school

will return in about a week - sorry for not posting here - the blogging world is a wonderful forum for me - not just to read others but to voice a few things myself.

snow days ... are they over?????

2009-02-21T04:58:00.009-06:00

the last few weeks have been filled with snow in my little world.
I enjoy snow just as much as the next guy, but there comes a time for all good things to end and sometimes one is ready for this :-)

I have enjoyed watching from inside. Not so much during the 10:00 pm nightly walk the dog scenario! :-)

Ebenezer has enjoyed playing with my stuffed lab dog that I bought before he came into my life. The stuffed animal is Sprachlos (i.e. Speechless)

At present Ebenezer is the same size... i'm sure that won't last long. Ebenezer's affection for Sprachlos has been so funny and a delight to watch. He carries him from room to room in his mouth. And then suddenly will just plop down beside him and catnap. It has been a light in these dark days.
and then... today I got another belly laugh.

I read the ending of an e-mail from a friend of mine in the USA. She is a wonderful wife and mother and an Aggie (need I say more). All of the words in her closing are great. But, her last sentence just gave me such a belly laugh and today with the blue skies actually causing some of the snow to fall off of the roofs --- I just thought I would share. Please forgive me in advance - if you are offended. I couldn't help but laugh and think - If only I could get out of bed like that!!!!!! what a goal!!! hahaha!!!!

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Make sure your mark in life is too good to be erased.

Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh, crap! She's awake!"

your mutating missionary

& ebenezer

as I re-read this before sending it out I realize... I really am language learning again - this is a terrrrrrible post! But 'bear' with me ;-=)

building relationships

2009-02-17T16:57:00.005-06:00

dreaming of sunny days with no snow!

________________________________________
"Communion with God is the one need of the soul beyond all other needs; prayer is the beginning of that communion."George Macdonald

I read recently (can't remember exactly which book it was in so apologies to origin) talking about God is self-gratification and talking to God (z.b. prayer) is building relationship.

Wonder which one He prefers?

mutating missionary

& Ebenezer