Monday, December 14, 2009

hello from USA

(this was written the morning I was trying to leave for USA - my computer went blitzo and I couldn't post it.)
I've sat down approximately 15 times in the last few days to write something. I am burning to write and yet the words are pouring too fast in my brain to type them out.

  • What do I write about? the last 6 hours of procrastination packing?

  • the last 6 days in preparations for going to see my family in USA?

  • the last 6 weeks in language school?

  • the last 6 months with God?

  • the last 6 years of romance with the Lover of My Soul?

I don't know if I can explain all that is jumping around in my head. He is everywhere and leading me in ways I cannot always understand. Sometimes I feel that I will cave in this place and sometimes I fly because He is using me in such incredible ways. It is a glorious walk.


This was written this morning at 6:00 am in the USA

In this moment I am snuggled in one my son's leather couches in the good ole' USA. I came for my daughter's graduation. I spoke and hugged my mom. Neither one enough - satisfying enough - long enough - healing enough...

Saw my sister.

Had an incredible 4 days of family and getting to know my daughter's boyfriend's family. We were good, we enjoyed each other, we were relaxed and loving - laughter filled the houses, the restaurants, the shops we visited - we were good. We might not ever be together in that way again. All of us able to unite. Wonderful! May God be praised in the healing.

God confirms my walk in Europe daily. I am thankful for His hand. I fly home to Germany in a little over 24 hours. Today will be filled with the final stitches of this memorable trip. And then I fly... back to Ebenezer, to loved ones that speak a different language, to friends that are growing in the Lord, to my heart friend and my sweet little sister, to my co-workers for Him, to my completely different life, to my old/new surroundings, to work, to my Alisa Lorraine (my harp), to all that I consider another journey junction in this story that is leading me to Him in final glory.

I think God allowed me to have one of my 'waiting' scenarios completed and gave me what I have been hoping for and praying for this trip. Over 20 years has passed and I am thrilled at the joy I have to call my family, my family. All of them. Yes, I am thankful and blessed. My children, my children's spouses, my children's father and his family. Yes, I am blessed. Even my children's spouses families... God has graced us with so much.

no pics... not on my own computer ... but hope to write again soon. Still must share that event that turned me on my ear recently! Till then...

Bis dann!

mutating missionary

& ebenezer

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

so today is a multiple post day...

For months I haven't posted regularly. I have not one iota of understanding why. I know that I am, as is said here in Germany "standing between two stools". One is the English language and the other the German language. One is the American culture the other is the German culture. One is living within coffee drinking distance of my children and the other an ocean and half-a-country away.

But even in my daily writing I have wained. It has been a bit disconcerting for me.

In 24 hours I will be sitting at the Zürich airport awaiting my flight home. I visit for five days, travel for 2. Just looking at those numbers makes me tired. But, I am so thankful to the people and the loved ones that have helped me see my daughter graduate. It is so amazing to be able to do this. I cannot tell you. I had no plans - no thoughts - this would be a possibility.

It comes after a long stint in language school. I have said this before, but I say it again. I can speak German. I really can. I am better and better at it. But I am not good enough yet. I have moved beyond the sweet little Mexican woman that I so empathize with. You know the one? I told you about her in my first few months here. I told you about sitting in my classroom in LISD and speaking with this sweet little old lady that came daily to clean my classroom. She would smile at me and she would, in very broken English, say something to me. I would respond in Spanish, and she would fly into her mother tongue thinking that I could understand what she said. She would speak with fervor and with power. But, then she would realize she had lost me and go back to this pained 'searching for every word and syllable’ conversation. It was gruesome.

I am beyond that. I can carry on conversations with many mistakes, but carry them on. The people that I am speaking with can understand what I am saying and we have laughed and cried and been friends. But, I am still not where I need to be. I must be pretty good to teach a bible study. So, I continue in language school in April or May.

I listened to one of my 'boys' preach on his blog in Spanish yesterday. He is a missionary in Guatemala. I have watched him grow up and am now privileged enough to watch him rear his family on the mission field. They have it pretty rough. But, he spoke with such fluidity - I was a bit envious. Learning a language in school is an advantage.

Another young woman that I have watched grow up is living here as a newlywed. She is not as close to me in proximity as I would like. When she came I was in the midst of heavy duty ministry and headed to language school. So I haven't gotten to see her. She studied German in school as well. She writes it beautifully. I wish I knew as much of the German language Grammatik as she knows. But, she is dealing with homesickness, frustrations with the culture and basically, and huge questions as to 'why in heaven's name she ever wanted to come to this country' feeling. I CAN RELATE! I hope to see her in January.

I have cousins and a nephew here. I haven't seen either.

So... my intrigue of how and why I am here in a foreign land with no school preparations in my past - why I have not written so often of late - and why haven't I been able to connect with those that are here in Germany like I would have liked are all roaming around in my head.

But right now I am itching to write. I'm itching to share something that happened in these last few weeks. So today will be a multiple post day. 'Feast or famine.'
mutating missioanary
& ebenezer

"Ich, Jesus, bin der helle Morgenstern" Offenbarung 22,16
"I Jesus am the Bright and Morning Star" Revelation 22:16

this time of year

A forever friend of mine regularly forwards me something from a newsletter she receives. This excerpt I found good enough to pass on.

"This a time of year when humans long for love, too. A Christmas song can send you stumbling out of the hardware store in tears, the errand that brought you there forgotten, drowned in a rush of memory of what you had, but have no longer. Or maybe what you never had, and always wanted. But there's a way to find love and meaning besides the one you're missing now, whatever that one was. We make new families when our old ones have left us behind. We find new loves when we lose the old ones -- not like the old ones, for no two are ever alike. Was it your mother, your father? You won't find another one, but the love you learned is still in you, waiting to be used again in another way. A spouse? They'll never make another one like that one, either, and you may never marry again, but you do still know what you learned from life together.

How do you find love again? By being a complete person, one who knows how to give and how to receive even the smallest thing with a contentment willing to grow into joy. Our loves all help form us into loving people, and we don't ever have to lose that. Because, no matter what has been taken from us, we are still who we are."

by: The Almost-Daily eMo from the Geranium Farm Copyright © 2001-2009 Barbara Crafton - all rights reserved
sorry i've been gone...
mutating missionary
& ebenezer